4 year old rage

[dolphnlvr123]

I am a stay at home mom with a 6 yr old girl and a 4 yr old son. I'm having a problem with my son. Most of the time he is well behaved, he is very affectionate, smart, and communicates his wants & feelings well. However, sometimes when he doesn't get what he wants or things don't go his way, he gets extremely angry. I don't mean he throws tantrums, I mean he gets MAD. He doesn't throw things or break things, but he'll hit, kick, head butt, or push if you get close. He will just SCREAM at you as loud as he can. If you look at him, he will yell DON'T LOOK AT ME!!!!, if you try to talk to him, he'll interrupt you and yell DON'T TALK TO ME!! It doesn't matter how soft or how loud you talk to him you get the same reaction. If you try to squat down so your eye to eye with him, he runs away screaming GET AWAY FROM ME, Whispering to him, telling him to take deep breaths, saying shhhhh, telling him to calm down, none of it works. If you ignore him he'll yell I HATE YOU, if you try putting him in another room to calm down, he just kicks/hits the door or himself. I think he blacks out at times also, because when he calms down and I talk with him about his behavior, he'll say he didn't scream. Some of my family members have had black out rages, but not at such a young age. I have been told that he is above average with his speech, communication and drawing skills, so I don't think it's that he doesn't know how to express himself. Once he's over the rage, 5 - 15 min., you can talk to him, put him in time out, and he will apologize all calmly and willingly.  He has not been abused in any way, if anything he's been spoiled. What may make him so angry one day, won't seem to upset him the next. We never know what's going to set him off. How can I stop him from getting that angry? What can I do to help him?

[Sandman2]

     The trouble with smart kids is that they quickly learn what works for them.  Unfortunately, if they are young, they don't quite have the logic to understand what is right or wrong.  Its pretty much cause and effect.
    You need to decide on one tactic to use when he is trying to get his way, and use it. and use it. and use it.  It will take a while, but it will work.  The "time out" is the standard.  Just make sure it is fairly short.  Bring him back out, if he is still going nuts, send him back.  Perhaps have some way so that he knows how long it will last (a kitchen timer?).  Each time explain to him why he is having the time out (keep it simple) and try and use the same words.   Don't expect success overnight.
   I do agree with margypops that if he can't get the attention he wants he will stop.  But he also needs to learn his behavior is not good, and there are better ways to deal with it (this could take a few more years).  Sometimes you will find your self in a situation where you can't ignore what is going on (shopping, going out to dinner, etc).  Thus you do need to decide what you can ignore and what you can't.  Don't be too amazed if he isn't doing the same thing as fast as you are.

[margypops]

Instead of doing all those things you think are going to placate him I have to tell you are firing him up ,does ,your 6 year old do the same thing , he is being revved up to react ,you said you squat down and look at him eye to eye could amount to annoying  him, 'whispering to him' Best to l;eave him alone, all of the family ,if he isnt getting the attention he will stop...