4.5 year old refusing to eat food she used to eat with no problem

[Mr Messy]

Our 4.5 year old girl has recently started refusing to eat her suppers. This started maybe two weeks ago and has escalated ever since. It has gone from not finishing a supper to refusing it altogether. When it started, we opted to put in the fridge then give it to her for supper, which got moved to lunch as things escalated. This week, she started refusing it at lunch as well, but would eat it at supper declaring it to be good. I turned up the heat a little by giving it to her for breakfast instead of waiting for lunch. It worked yesterday, but not today. This morning she refused to to eat what even a couple months ago she would have gobbled down asking for seconds. I am hoping that this behaviour changes, and soon. Even her 18 month old sister now eats more than her at any given meal. IT has both her mother and I mystified.

[Mr Messy]

I thought long and hard about this the rest of yesterday, and even this morning. I came to a couple of conclusions. The most important is that the latest non-eating episode was unrelated to the others.

First, as RockRose suggested, there has been a power play on the go. But it has been a manageable power play up until yesterday. Yesterday's episode appears to be due to her actually disliking the food intensely enough to refuse it totally, even as hungry as she was. I suspect that her tastes may indeed have changed. That is what I am concluding for the time being. Her behaviour was initially the same thus causing the initial confusion, but the difference was that this episode escalated where all the others had ended. Hungry kids eat, and she certainly has in the past. This time was different which made me take a closer look at the whole thing. I believe there is still a power struggle going on (there probably always will be :) ), but suspect that this struggle is now in fast decline. I intend to be vigilant so as not to repeat the same mistakes I made this time.

jd1419, we actually do give her some choices when it comes to food, but she will almost always go beyond the range of choices offered and ask for her favourite foods. The choice option, "A or B", often involves us saying, "C isn't one of the choices" :).

MomOfTwoGirls ... we have two girls too :), but her sneaking food is not the problem. Our house is an older two story house that we arranged a little differently. Our main living area is upstairs while the kitchen is still downstairs. We have a gate across the stairs to prevent mishaps, and as you point out, possible trips to the kitchen to get food.

RockRose, we are lucky as we don't appear to have low blood sugar problems in our household.

Thanks for all your input. You have given me ideas for the future.

MM

[RockRose]

Mr. Messy - If this has gone on for more than about 3 days,  I think this is one of two things:

1.  A major power play between the two of you and her OR

2.  A major metabolic change that has made her appetite disappear,  like anemia for example.  



I don't think you should keep reserving her the same old food she didn't eat.  Giving her last night's dinner for breakfast,  because she didn't eat it before,  is a huge power struggle,  and unnecessary.  

I think you should go for a week serving nutritious foods you know she likes for each meal,  and not comment ONE BIT on what she is or isn't eating,  just serve it,  and clean up after the meal, without one word about how much she ate.

Best wishes.  It's frustrating to have a  child not eat,  but it sounds like you are creating a battlefield where she is enjoying yanking you.

[jd1419]

Is is possible for you and your wife to have a few ideas for supper, such as Daughter tonight do you want Corn or Green Beans with Supper---or Do you want Mac & cheese with Hamburgers or Hot Dogs---an idea to help her get involved with Supper. If I ask them what they want for supper they will always say Mac & Cheese--if we haven't had it in a week I will say yes or if we had and I making something else I give them the choice of veggie and what type of salad dressing they want on salad.  It seems to work.  I also make sure I only give them very tiny amounts of food--that way if they eat it all and are still hungry I can always give them more of what they want.  I am also not wasting a lot of food.

[Mr Messy]

I think you may be right, but at the same time, that may be only part of story. The meal currently in front of her, last night's supper, went almost untouched at breakfast, and now after lunch, it is still majorly untouched. We are wondering if there has been a shift in the taste of foods for her. She used to eat this, so this is very puzzling. I _know_ she is hungry, but she is steadfastly refusing to eat it.

[MomOfTwoGrls]

question.  

My 4 year old started do this too.  We found out that she was sneaking food in the afternoon and eating it in her bedroom.  Could your daughter be doing that.

Also I am told by my daughter pediatrician that not wanting to eat at certain meal times is normal.  If they don't eat but state there hungry later offer them a piece of fruit or veggie but NO CARBS.  

[RockRose]

MomofTwoGirls - I snuck food all my childhood in the afternoon,  too.  Maybe your household isn't the same as mine,  but I've always had low blood sugar problems,  and I couldn't make it between lunch and dinner without food.  I'd get shakey and sweaty and feel faint long before dinner time came.  I'd come home from school and get a small snack,  and then have to make it the next,  like 5 hours without food.  

My household wasn't abusive at all - they just really didn't "get" that I needed to eat,  and that my blood sugar was dipping horribly low,  so I couldn't even feel comfortable.  

Now,  I operate my household exactly the opposite.  Anytime you're hungry,  even if it's 20 minutes before dinner,  you can eat.    If you want to fix yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a banana and a tall glass of milk,  go for it.  

My children are all slightly underweight,  as I always was,  and eating is never ever a fight,  and food is never ever withheld in my house.  They'll say what are we having for dinner - and when I tell them,  they'll usually want to wait,  but will get a small cup of milk and a couple nilla wafers so they feel okay.  Or they're so hungry they eat.

[jd1419]

She may just be going through a phase that she is not hungry when the meals are served.  My four year old goes through this where he is not hungry for hours and won't eat anything.  And days where he will only eat a few bites and be full.  I try and not force him to eat for then it changes there mind set of eat because we tell you from eat only if you are hungry.

I think if she is not prone to asking for snacks throughout the day and getting them, she is just not hungry--and in a few days she will be starving and probably going through a growth spurt and you won't be able to fill her up.  Just keep up with her Milk and Juice and Water and she will be fine.