4 year old still peeing in his pants

[JamJam24]

How do I break my 4 year old from peeing in his pants and peeing in his bed at night? He is potty trained and knows to go to the toilet when he has to use the bathroom and goes sometimes. He will go a week or so without peeing on his self then do a complete 360 and pee on his self every night and a few times during the day! I have tried several different things such as taking away favorite toys or awarding him if he does good> But nothing seems to work!! Please if any solutions HELP!!!!

[Trialanderror]

It happens more often than moms tend to admit...My son seemed fully trained by 3 and then fell back into old habits after an eventful time with surgery, a new house, a new baby. I used to be very patient with him but did lose my temper on some occasions. Psychologists kept on telling me to treat it casually and never show any anger or start any kind of punishments or shame game or not even discuss it with him. I made an effort to only calmly say "the washroom is over there, next time you can use it". He got more relaxed. I also placed a potty in two locations, in case it was just laziness. I introduced him to methods on how to use public washrooms. If he had a drink before bedtime, I reminded him that peeing and brushing teeth is part of bedtime rituals, he started to understand the relation of peeing at night and having a dry bed. And he made an effort to explain to me that he found the potty seats too small and cold, the large toilet too scary and that he preferred to do his business standing up. He also revealed that he enjoyed being a baby again. I let him be a baby whenever he felt like it but we found a cushioned toilet seat for the large toilet with two handles on it that suddenly made him comfortable. And out of the blue at age 4, he decided he was grown up and never peed or pooed his pants again. Best of all, the pride in accomplishing this - the second time around - has made him much more relaxed about life in general. Maybe you can use some of these approaches. You will need a lot of patience - but the punishments will cause rather a set-back than progress. It can be a matter of 6 months or so. Good luck...By the way, the little guys seem to do this to annoy us but usually they are caught in a trap of thoughts that makes them believe peeing the pants is the only solution. That`s where our help comes in.

[tomel]

I will say this is one area my son has done awesome with. So I not cant totally relate.

Doesnt really sound like he is truly potty trained, at least not thru the night.Just becasue a child knows how to use the toilet doesnt mean they are "potty trained" per say.  Some kids stay in pull up thru the night up until age 5. I wouldnt expect him to hold it thru the night just yet. Are there any stressors mabye that are causing this?

As far as during the day. I know you said you try rewards. Try putting up a picture of a toy he would really like. Put a sticker on for each day he doenst pee his pants. Then mabye after 7 days or so go to the store and buy him the toy.

This is a reward system we use with my son and it seems to be working. He is 4. For each "naughty" thing he does we take a sticker off.

[JamJam24]

Thanks for the help. There is a new baby in our home but he was doing this way before. And when I say he is potty trained I mean he sometimes gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and stops what he is doing during the day to go to the bathroom. So I would say he knows better than to go in his pants he just doesn't care maybe? But I think I am going to try the picture of toy method and stickers and see how that turns out!.

[Trialanderror]

The reward system usually works well, rather than taking away toys. Good luck with it. I could not use it with my son because he has always refused to get bribed...

[anacyde]

I'd bet the new baby has something to do with this.  Even during your pregnancy, your other child knew something was up.

Also consider their little bladders aren't fully mature quite yet, and while his intentions may be excellent, his bladder might not be cooperating.  Some children also have accidents when stressed.  You'd be amazed how little can stress a kid out too, I know I've been surprised at some of what I've learned as a parent.  I read constantly, lol ;)

Anyhow, my daughter was having some accidents.  It turned out that while her patience improved (she didn't run to the potty for every trickle) her bladder wasn't as patient.  She'd "almost" make it.  Likewise, we had a couple of nighttime accidents.  For a while we just had her wear Goodnites.  Once she was doing better (it was about two months) we switched her to underwear and just stopped having her drink fluids two hours before bedtime.  It did the trick :)  Hope that helps.

[here4theinfo]

My step daughter did that when I moved in. She was completly potty trained but wet the bed at night. She had been through her parents divorce, but she had lived at her dads for awhile, and she had several behaviorial problems. When I arrived I thought it was a huge problem because we would constantly have to wash blankets and clothes and sheets everyday, and she would go to the bathroom by herself in the day. I tried everything, night diapers,taking toys away, talking to her, making her wash her own blankets and clothes, turning down the heat,plastic covers. Sometimes she too would go a whole week, then start over again, usually when she misbehaved and we have to disipline her. My husband did not agree with how I was trying to stop it, he thought she had a medical problem because she had been doing it even when he lived alone with her or that she was just a hard sleeper and he didn't know what to do. I "gave" up on it for awhile, but when no one else did anything to correct it, and her whole room smelled like urine, and she came in our room to sleep one night and had peed allover us and the bed. I decided to take control of the problem again. I took her to the doctor, twice, once when she was 5 and once when she was 6, the doctor checked her urine for bladder infections, bacteria and finally said everything was fine, but it problay was a control issue that she had with herself, especially if she did it after getting in trouble and basically that she was to lazy to get out of bed. I came home and talked to my husband, telling him it was not a medical problem and finally began the process again, but this time I did things alittle different, I stopped her fluid intake at 6pm, even if we had dinner she could not have anything to drink. I made her wash her blankets still and talked to her and made sure she went to the bathroom before going to bed, we put a clock in her room and set it at the halfway point of her sleep so she had to get up and go to the bathroom, sometimes we would wake her up and make her go again before we went to bed. She fought all of this at first,throwing tantrums and sneaking drinks, complaining about the clock or washing her blankets, even lying to us that she hadn't peed, but I would find smelly clothes or sheets hiding in her bedroom. When we asked if she liked wetting the bed she would say no. We explained that we couldn't control it, she had too and all we could do was help her to not go by following the simple rules. It took along time, like one year,but finally she stopped wetting the bed and gradually we took the clock away and allowed her to half 1/4 of water before bed as long as she went to the bathroom before she went to bed. hope this is helpful information. Good Luck...

[moe2]

Check him for diabetes first but usually it's stress worry and fright the makes children wet at night.

[imcrazy2]

THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO IS BRING ATTENTION TO IT!!!!  COMPLETEY ignore it.  Change his sheets without his knowledge if possible, and minimize it as much as possible if he brings it up, like, if he pees, and tells you, just say "Ok, let's get you changed, no big deal, do you want to wear your cool new spiderman undies?"  IGNORE it, and it will resolve itself MUCH quicker than if you make a big deal out of it, as long as it's not medically based.  Minimize fluids after 6pm, and wait for him to outgrow it.

[happy_feet]

Just to give you some encouragement, I have a 5-year-old son who is exceptionally bright but still pees and poops his pants more often than not. He's resistant to rewards, timed toilet visits, threats.... Thankfully he doesn't wet his bed. I'm sure he knows when he has to go, he just doesn't want to. I'm just hanging on in wait, and will be posting a new question for medical advice now that I'm registered.

At the same time, our 3-year-old son (also exceptionally bright), is completely toilet trained. We don't ask him anymore. He refuses when we ask him, but he always goes when he feels the need. Both pee and poop. It's completely amazing.

So in case you were worried: it's not you! Your children are unique. That's all.

[Ronster123]

I am losing my cool
My son is 5 1/2 and will go a few weeks with no accidents during the day, and then boom, wet pants everyday or so for a few weeks. Night time stuff is rare, and we don't make a big deal of that - but this peeing his pants all the time during the day is getting under my skin.

I tried working with him, and I asked him, what should we do if you have another accident- "maybe no TV for a week"? - his suggestion, he loves the couple of hours a day he gets - and we are 6 days into it now and he's up to 3 weeks no TV - Clearly not working.

It is happening at school and at home - he just doesn't wanna stop doing what he is doing to get to the bathroom on time.

any thoughts would be great - and thanks for the vent!!

[marcidawn]

I feel your pain.  I am here looking for help too.  My 4 1/2 has been potty training since he was 2.  He knows how to do it, but keeps having accidents at school and at home.  He says, "I couldn't hurry..."  I'm so frustrated I have him in his room for a timeout now cause he peed on himself when he was outside playing.  I think it's laziness, that he waits too long to go.  I'm sick of asking him every hour!  As soon as I get him 1/2 naked at home he doesn't have ANY accidents.  Clearly he can't go to school like that.

And fyi, my daughter literally potty trained herself at 2, right when he was born.  I am 1 for 2 at least.  Arghhhh

[jahs2922]

I can relate to that frustration...it seems like all of the bribing, ignoring, praising, disciplining, etc. is getting us no where.  It's as if my 5 year old son couldn't care less if he pees his pants.  He is very casual when mentioning it...often times changing himself into a new outfit and letting me know what happened as he saunters off to the laundry room.  He 'parrots' back to us that he has made 'a bad decision' in wetting his pants and that he will do better next time...which is ususally a few hours later.  

We encourage him to go potty almost every hour...to the point where he moans/groans when we ask him to go...it's like pulling teeth with him!  

I know that eventually everyone learns to keep their pants dry...but will I lose my sanity in the meantime?

  

[melmel7]

I'm in the same vote my son is 3 and a half and has been potty trained for six moths. He never wet the bed or peed himself during the day since he was three. Then all of a sudden he started getting to the bathroom just in time and now it has progressed to peeing his pants every day, sometimes more than once. I'm considered as any parent would be, but don't want to contribute it to something being wrong. I'm starting to think that it's because he would rather do other things then go to the bathroom, but will defiantly bring him to the doctors to rule out any medical problems. Good luck with your son.

[Jseitz]

I'd be curious, it's been over a year since some of you have posted.  Has the problem now been resolved.  We have the same issue with our almost 4 year old.  I was thinking he was doing this on purpose, but after reading more on this topic, maybe I'm wrong.  

After dealing with this all for 6 months, I have more patience.  Now we treat it as "it is what it is".  We don't get mad, but we do put him in a timeout when he has an accident.  The length of the time out depending on the severity of the accident.  This has seemed to help...I think.  I've also told him we can't do special activities we've had planned, and they he will make it to the potty without an accident until we do the activity.  But start with the accidents the next day.  (this is what makes me believe it's on purpose).

Well and positive news is welcome!

[suzy76]

I am having the same problem with my 4 year old who was potty trained in the daytime completely and now wets herself sometimes 3 times a day! She smiled today when she told me! I am so frustrated! I don't want to shame her, yet I also don't want her to think it is okay-She fights tooth and nail when I tell her to go-and I've had her checked and no urinary issues-Why does this happen and is ignoring it truly the best solution?

[olya25]

i started to potty traine my second son around 2y old. he is 4 next april and driving me crazy. i think he was better last year, he would go on potty no problem whenever you tell him, now refuses every time. sometimes he would go by himself, but some days he would pee in his pants and just continuing walking around refusing to take them off, or pees by little bit and might not even notice. i tried everything, patient approach, discipline-nothing works. i would understand if he doesnt feel the urge or can not be bothered to run, but refusing to change? his brother by this age was using toilet, not potty. and i think it is probably better to have this transition earlier, so kids can feel themselves more mature and not "babies"

[ptashf]

I took my 3 year old daughter to the peds office to rule out any medical issues.  She had none.  She has a 14 month old sister and they have a generally happy and playful relationship (outside the normal spats over toys,etc.) but the ped chalked it up to a jealousy issue and said to be patient and ignore it, this too will pass, yet this is unacceptable behavior to me in light that she is perfectly capable and smart enough to be able to handle this.  As parents, this problem is sooooo very frustrating when you work your butt off to make sure that your kids live in a safe and healthy home enviornment(stay at home mom)  I wish that there was a better answer than just deal with it.  She was fully toilet trained at 30 months and now almost 4 years old, I have two children in diapers and just because she don't FEEL like using the potty when she has to go.  She gets tons of attention(thats not the problem) she just DOES NOT CARE if she walks around wet all day.  Just like you I have tried everything and nothing has worked so best of luck to you and we'll keep crying together on this one.

[vicpat]

I have this same problem with my 5 year old daughter. She rarely pees herself at preschool, never poops herself, but can't get through the night and when at home has accidents almost daily. We had our Ped doc check her, medically she is fine, so it must be stubborness. She is very bright, but lazy. What can we do?

[MamaDina]

OH my goodness.... I have the EXACT same problem with my four year old son.  Last week, he changed himself, out his pants in the washing machine and started a load of wash!  If he can understand how to run the machine (without previous instruction), then why can't he learn to go pee on his own?  

If he's the least bit distracted, forget it.  If other kids are around, forget it... I don't even want to talk about night time!

[BentThomas250587]

Hi could some give me advice my 4yr old son keeps wetting his pants how eva he dont do this at school eva i have tryed everythink i can think of but nothink will stop it has anyone got an idea wot might be  wrong with him

[mummaofseven]

I am just as frustrated, I have 7 children the first 4 never used pull ups and # five did and I feel it just prolonged him to not use the toilet.  I am tired of hearing ride it out! He is Lazy and that is all there is too it.  He will lay in his bed to watch a movie or the couch and pee his pants when he knows to use the toilet, he will simply pee himself and think nothing of it.  I have ignored it, tired the rewards etc.... but as it is I already do 3 to 4 loads of laundry a day. one load a day of his bed every day!  He knows not to pee his pants I know an accident and sometimes yes they are but more then not it is shear laziness!  I have 2 yr old twins who have less accidents.  We never started training him till he asked to use the toilet because we knew the twins would probably add stress to him. but it is now time, If the twins can use the toilet so can he!

[natejen]

My four year old has just recently started peeing again, mostly at school. We've tried reward systems (they had worked when this was a problem about a year ago) and have had her checked out at the docs. Now we are finding she has been lying to us constantly about it. She will pee during the day, and literally sit in it ALL day until it dries. She only pees enough for it to soak through her underwear, but not quite enough to go through her pants so the preschool doesn't notice. We have been very calm about it, trying to make sure she understands that we (and her teachers) won't be mad and/or upset if she pees, we've tried to encourage her to tell an adult so we can get her changed. We fear that it might cause infections if she continues to do this. I'm not sure what has changed to make her start doing this again. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE WONDERFUL!! Thanks!

[momsrock]

Tomel
My son was 100% potty trained at 3 years 2 months then after he turned 4 yrs old he started having  peeing accidents. No clue why. No changes in life, etc. Also, you should NEVER take away a sticker (or anything else) that  a child has earned:) Google "Lee Canter" about how to appropriately use a Reward System

[Jseitz]

Hi all,

I posted about 6 months ago and I finally took my son to the urologist as he is still having accidents in his pants.  I am still waiting results from radiology, but the Dr gave us some suggestions as she is not expecting anything medically wrong and neither am I.  She said that this problem typically happens when a child is potty trained before they are ready.  Which is probably what happened in our case as we were worried about the deadline of preschool starting.  She said that when this happens, the child will learn to hold their bladder and not go when they feel the urge, learning bad habits.  Eventually they teach themselves (unconsciously) to ignore the signs of having to go.  The muscle that controls this controls both #1 and #2.  So both kind of accidents can occur.  The solution is to get them on a schedule.  Now I hear some groans out there as I am sure we've all tried this to no avail.  But since going to the dr. and learning more about what is probably our problem, I have been more attentive and scheduled.  My son too, since hearing what the dr. had to say is not pushing back (as much) when I tell him it's time to go.  We set a timer and that seems to work.  I am not using a star chart or anything like that since it has worked for a day or two and he gets bored with it.  Anyway, the dr. says that getting them to go regularly retrains their bladder muscle.  Now it could take a long time, in some cases 6-9 months (I hope not!) but if there are no medical problems, this should work.  I just have to keep on our schedule.  It's only been a week, but so far he's been clean and dry.

I hope this helps some people as I know I was looking for an answer and didn't find anything online!  Good luck to everyone.