4 year old with violent tendency

[momofthree240]

I have three sons, ages four (almost five), two, and two months.  The oldest's father and I separated when he was very young.  I am now remarried.  My four year old has always had issues with ADHD, with hyperactive behavior, Impulsiveness, and defiance.  When he was two, if he was told to stay in his room and take a nap, he would lash out by smearing poop on the wall, or tearing up his toys or his room.  I thought it was typical two year old behavior that he would grow out of, but it continued.  When his two year old brother began walking, he started becoming aggressive toward him, choking him, and shoving him.  He constantly does things to upset him when he thinks i'm not watching, such as give him a toy, then grab it away to make him scream.  He also constantly tells my two year old to do bad things, such as carry our 2 month old, get things from the fridge, or get on the top bunk bed (we have it blocked off for safety purposes.)  Now he has started doing more things to lash out when he gets in trouble, such as urinating in the heater vent when he was sent to his room, urinating off of the top bunk when he was told to take a nap, and picking up my 2 month old baby from his swing and putting him on the floor.  We repeatedly tell him not to touch the baby, and he ignores us, obsessing over him, touching him, and trying to care for him. He became angry when we told him not to touch the baby tonight, and drew a picture of myself and my husband drowning in a river.  I am becoming very scared that he will put his hand over my baby's mouth and nose and suffocate him, or something similar. Please help!!!! (he is currently on intuniv 1 mg for adhd)

[momofthree240]

We have not talked to the pediatrician about his recent  behavior yet.  But I think we will be calling on Monday.  Tonight he let our two year old up on the top bunk and shoved him off backwards.  Luckily he only has a couple scrapes on the back of his leg, and was, understandably, shaken up.  

[AHP84]

You haven't mentioned if your son's pediatrician has referred him to some sort of pediatric psychologist or psychiatrist. It sounds as if this kind of intervention is what your son needs on a regular basis besides just medication for ADHD. From what you describe, it sounds as if he has something more than just ADHD...
I'm not very familiar with ODD, but that sounds like a potential problem your son may also have. I'd ask his pediatrician to make a referral if one hasn't been made already.

[momofthree240]

I should add that there are times when he is the sweetest child you'll ever meet, but his mood changes in an instant..