3 year old molestered?

[SukiMeggs]

My almost 3 year old was playing with herself in the bath tonight which although we tell her not to she does do it often. She then picked up her bath toy and used that which shocked me! I asked her why she did it and her reply was "Emma touched my bits at school"(Emma is her key worker at nursery) I assumed it was innocent so asked her if it was when she wiped her bits in the toilet, she replied"she touched my bits in the conservatory" I asked her what with and she said "with her finger and her nail" I asked her to show me how and she did..horrified me!!! I've asked who was there and she said "just me and Emma" and she also said its happened lots! I'm worried as she's never said anything like this before. She's been having horrible tantrums for a while now and saying her bits hurt fOr a couple of weeks, especially if she's playing in sand. My husband says its normal for 3 year olds to make up stories but I can't stop worrying. The lady she's referring to seems lovely and she has 2 children, 1 of which is my daughters friend at nursery. What do u do?

[allmymarbles]

Very wise advice, unfortunately the product of a very sad experience.

[henderal]

I have been in this situation myself as a young child. normally the person doing it will tell the child not to tell anyone or threaten them. In my case it was that if i talked about it with anyone they wont kill my younger sister. I would ask your daughter some more questions and talk to other parents at your daycare if their child is saying anything simpler to your daughters story. young children don't know that this is wrong untill you teach them that it is. So I would also be talking to her about that, and asking questions such as does this women have your daughter touching her back in anyway

[margypops]

As the child was saying her'bits' your term  ,were hurting I do hope by now you have asked your doctor  , it sounded to me as if it was more than touching ..and actually thats pretty serious enough anyway ..

[allmymarbles]

(1) Sudden tantrums are not necessarily a sign of molestation. (2) Just "touching" would probably not upset such a young child since we are always touching them in sensitive places to keep them clean, etc. So my guess is that only touching that caused pain or discomfort would upset them.

[KaylaMarie25]

talking about that sort of thing out of nowhere along with tantrums is a sign of molestation. though a medical exam wouldnt work very well if "just touching" occured. touching doesnt leave evidence. but whatever the case may be, i would get her out of that nursery asap. its better to be safe than sorry

[adgal]

I completely agree that for me, step one would be immediately removing my child from this person's care.  You just cannot take any chances.  I think my next step would probably be to see someone who specializes in this sort of thing.  A professional can question a child that age in such a way that no suggestions or ideas are planted in the child's head, therefor getting to the truth.  I also think a medical exam would be important.  If it did turn out that my child had been molested I would absolutely get the authorities involved.  I'm so sorry your going through this, how terribly difficult this must be for you.  I would proceed carefully and cautiously.  I wish you and your little one all the best.

[allmymarbles]

This is a tough one. I know of one case where there was no molestation and the caretaker was falsely accused and stigmatized. I know of another where there was undoubtedly molestation and the person got away with it.

Rather than agonize over what might or might not be, change to a different nursery.

[margypops]

Its not normal for children to make this kind of thing up, I would immedately speak to the principle at the school and also the worker, in fact it is child abuse for it may be you should have your child examined and go from there in making charges against the worker .She may have done this to other children and will continue till stopped .Ask for the teacher to be removed ASAP ..and take your daughter to the doctor ...