4 Year Old seems WAY behind, need advice

[Shooshie]

I have a question regarding a 4 year old boy I care for.  I'm curious to know if others consider him developmentally on track. At 4 years old, he still wears a pull-up, which he calls a diaper.  He is using the toilet about 50% of the time.  When asked what his first name is, he tells you his whole name.  When asked what his last name is, he tells you his whole name.  However, what he says is his last name really isn't his last name.  I say to him, "Your first name is Joe, what is your first name?" and he says "Uhhhh....uhhm... my name Joe Schlow" (imagine his real name being Joe Schwin")  No matter what you ask him, he says yes.  I ask him, "Are you on a beach?"  "Is the sky falling?"  "Did you go bungee jumping yesterday?" and he always says yes.  He does not use sentences, only 2 and 3 words at a time, "I go sleep"  "I turn Tee Tee (TV) on"  "I watch Coo Coo (Blue's Clues).  When coloring, he takes one color and scribbles the whole page.  He recognizes no written letters or numbers, and only 3 shapes (circle, square, triangle).  When asked to say ABC's (which he calls W's) he leaves letters out and says others out of order.  He has no idea what the words under, middle, or between mean.  He does not know smallest, biggest, etc.  He still refers to his parents as "Ma Ma" and "Da Da".  When eating he has to be reminded how to use utensils or to chew and/or swallow.  He will sit and let spit pool in his mouth and run out until you remind him to swallow.

There is more, but I'm running out of letters.  Thank you for reading and for anything you can share.

[surfermommy]

Was just reading a few of the threads from this particular subject, and was very disappointed by a few of the responses.
My specialty is in ECE and will be the first one to tell you that each child is unique and special and should NOT be compared to other children ESPECIALLY at such a young age.  Some children are quick to pick up things and others are late-bloomers who strive perhaps in other areas which so called, 4 year old intellects might not be able to grasp.  We all need to remember that these are "growing" children, yes, children.  They all learn and develop at a different pace.  Do NOT force a 4 year old to learn his ABC's and 123's (goodness!), some will be ready and some will not.  Let children be children, and let them "PLAY"... this is the best way for a child to learn and grow in all learning domains.  In this day and age, it seems a lot of parents are competing for the smartest preschooler, high I.Q....but alot of them are forgetting the importance of E.Q., the emotional intellect and foundation of a child...  One who feels good about him or herself as a whole person...this would be the greatest learning experience for a preschooler.  ABC's and 123's will come later...instead immerse them in personal and social interactions, to become independent thinkers and confident learners.  This is what most of America is forgetting today.   Just let your preschooler "play" and interact with him or her.
If the child's speech and cognitive development continues to be a problem, as a sitter you have the right to sit and "talk" with the parents of your observation.  As a sitter, though, talk to him more, encourage him more and interact with him more, it may be what he is missing at home. I don't know.

Hope this helps....P.S.  No! A four year old does not NEED to recognize the letters in the alphabet. The problem with society is that children are forced to grow up way to fast, hardly anyone knows how to Play anymore... which is sad.

[blondie72]

Yes he is very far behind - I am not as worried about the pull up as I am the speech and what not  -  I have known a few people who said their sons were not potty trained until 4 but that should be ending soon also - Does the mother baby him???  I say this boy really needs to be evaluated and soon.  It is good to catch it early.

[annie22222]

Please contact someone right away.  My son is hearing impaired, and that is what they feel is normal for a 2 year old.  At 4 he should be understood 50% of the time (normal language)... and should be able to have sentences with several words in them.  As for the potty training, some kids do take longer, I don't know if there is a "norm" for that.

[pixijal]

If you live in America, contact PAT, parents as teachers.  They work through the public school system.  They will do a FREE evaluation on him, and refer him for services.  Which in his case would probably include: occupational therapy & speech therapy for sure.

Yes, you are exactly right...he is FAR behind...and does exhibit more 2 year old behavior.  He should have been speaking 5 word sentences by the age of 3.  He should have mastered utensils by the age of 3, and most 2 year olds get it.  At 4, he should not only have complete letter recognition, but be able to start making sounds with them such as A is for A-P-P-L-E.  He obviously has  severe speech and language (how much they understand) delays. If he is a NEW 4 YEAR OLD, I wouldn't be that concerned about the potty.  I have seen soooo many 4 year old boys in pull ups that still won't tell someone when they have to use the toilet.  I'm positive that his delay in toilet training is a direct result of his language problem.    

If you don't have Parents as Teachers or First Steps in your area, you must begin with his pediatrician.  Don't waste any more time, that poor little guy...it's not his fault, he is helpless.  Good Luck, and Good Job looking out for him.

[billyandsarah99]

My son is 4 and def. does none of that. Of course I credit alot on his Pre-K program, but still he is behind. He reminds me more of what my son was at 2 or so. He parents should contact someone like Early Intervention. I do not know if it is called that where you live but thats what it is called here. They are a wonderful program. My son had them until he turned 3 due to his speech b/c of recurring ear infections (he is about to get his 4 set in 2 yrs.). Here they only work with them until they are 3, but I am sure they could tell them who to contact.
Also, how come his dr. hasn't noticed him being so far behind?
Good luck hun!

[anxiousmomtobe?]

He is far behind, he needs to be evaluated by a peds team.  Good luck approaching his parents. \

Do it soon, early intervention makes the world of difference.