Disrespectful step son

[thebadguy]

I have 2 step children, boy 15 and girl 12 and a 2 year old daughter with their mother. I have been involved in my stepchildren's lives since they were 5 and 3, i always treat them farily and with respect. The stepchildren spend most of the week with us and usually 2-3 days with their father. My stepson has up until last night been very respectful, he is involved in sports and has been on the honor roll since he started high school. Last night he was very irritated that we would not take him to his friends house at 9:30 PM at night, he had made himself something to eat and left a mess in the kitchen. When i asked him to clean it up he flat out told me no in a disrecptful tone and proceeded to rant and throw a tantrem. I told him to get his stuff and he was going to fathers house if he was going to continue, my wife called his father and he said to bring him there and he would discipline him.

He still refused to clean up his mess when we were leaving, i told him we were not going anywhere until it was cleaned. He went way past all lines of respect and started cursin at me profusely. I communicated all of this to his father when i dropped him off at his house, his father said to let him know whatever punishment we decide we be applied at his house as well.

What is the appropriate level of punishment, he has everything in his room from Computer to tv to video games. We usually let him have a friend stay over or vice versa and to socialize until a reasonable hour on weekend nights. Why is he directing all of this disrespect to me?

[Kara1231]

I'm with you!  Uggggggggh!  I have 2 stepsons, ages 18 and almost 20.  The 20 year old was sent to his Mom last August due to the fact that he gave his Dad a black eye (he's hit me twice as well).  The 18 year old has brought drugs into our home, sneaks out ALOT, and goes around his Dad when he tries to punish him for above mentioned offenses.....not to mention the disrespect we both get from them.  Dad took away his car and cell phone.......his Mom bought him both back, so we have no support system there.  Now, she's divorcing her current husband and is kicking them both back to our house!  When I showed resistance (regarding them moving back in) to their Dad, due to the track history, I'M the bad guy!!  I'm at my wit's end.............any advice is appreciated........

[Doralice]

You are in better shape than I am.  I have the a very similiar situation however, I do not get any help from my step son's mother.  So consider yourself lucky.  The only thing my husband and I finally came to terms with (after 3 years of disrespect)... we are not picking him up and bringing him to our house until he learns that in our house, we have rules and if he can not be respectful then he will not be over until he can learn to respect us in our house.  Try not picking him up for a week if the other parent agrees.  You must be united in this decision otherwise he will pin you against the other.