5 year old- socialization question

[rstets0n]

My son has friends at preschool and most of the kids seem to be excited whenever my son enters the room so i don't think its an issue with bullying or not being accepted. But I wonder way he tends to hang out with teachers a lot.  When I drop him off he stands there and talks to the teacher for a while when the other kids are playing.  He's very smart and  his vocabulary is very large. He has always spoken at a higher level. All of his assessments confirm this.  He like a little adult.  His mother and I are separated but are very close. I don't think that he hangs out this many kids outside of school and I take full blame for that. Do you  think he prefers to talk to teachers because he is used to being around adults most of the time or is there something wrong? Am I screwing my kid up socially?

[MarkLakewood3367]

I definitely agree with you.  This child could also be gifted.  It would be a good idea if he were tested for this as he hopefully could be placed with other kids of his intellectual abilities and therefore develop some meaningful relationships.

[specialmom]

The problem Mark, is that the child is missing out on true interaction because the truth is, adults don't really love chit chatting with 5 year olds. They are being nice and accommodating.  I've been in this position both when volunteering and a child gloms onto me when I am like, I've got 14 kids here to watch or with my son's friends who then I'm like "I've got my own son chit chatting with me all the time, not really loving a long discussion about why you think rocks are important.  That's just the truth.

You have to help kids with social skills with peers as it is important.  And talking to an adult is often a way a young child 'hides' when uncomfortable making the connection with peers.  

Important to address it in my opinion but I wanted  my kids to have the social experience of a friends group.  That might not be everyone's desire.  There is an only child, very advanced in terms of vocabulary and things he likes to do child that lives behind us.  He has not a single play date and rarely is invited anywhere.  His parents seem fine with it. We've had him over and he wants everyone to know he's smart (although he's not in advanced academics courses like my son his age who doesn't use as many big words) and directs play to be to HIS liking only and wants to talk to me.  We don't have him over much because neither the kids or I think it is fun.  But he is very sad.  he tells my son all the time that other than him, he doesn't have any friends. It's sad.

But his parents don't value that.  I do.  So, I guess it is up to a parent what they value and how they help a child along.  

[specialmom]

That could be.  And it is habit and 'safe'.  I would really encourage helping him with his friendships and peer interaction.  You or his mother should schedule some one on one play dates and stay really close during them to observe his play skills and help with them if need be.  Peer interaction is really important for many reasons.  it is a true sense of belonging verses with talking to adults who are just appeasing him.  They too would prefer he interact with his peers.  

Some kids this comes naturally with and some you have to help.  

My suggestion is that no matter how advanced you feel he is, that you don't talk about this to him.  I think it can give kids a false sense of superiority (as most kids do catch up in this area and the super bright of kindergarten become more like everyone else.  Only children often have this as both parents focus on them alone and they talk to them like they are adults and do many things that are adult/child like verses kid to kid playing).  And I'd work to keep things that other kids say and do in front of him so that he doesn't really become someone that feels unlike other kids.  

We have a friend that became my son's bestie in kindergarten.  he sounds a little like your little guy.  He's a sweet boy.  I had to redirect him to playing with my son when he was over because that is the point . . . for them to connect.  He got better at it.  They are still friends.  And it's just important, that interaction.  

good luck

[MarkLakewood3367]

I hardly think that there is anything wrong with your child.  He might actually prefer conversations with adults than his peers because he sounds like he might be more intellectually mature than his peers.  You should talk to your child to find out why he prefers talking to adults more so than his peers.  Additionally, you might want to speak to his teacher about this issue to see if he/she is concerned.  My guess is that if the teacher was concerned, you would have known by now.