5 year old boy gets upset when he can't do something perfect

[JJ2333]

Any help is appreciated.  My 5 year old son is in pre-k this year and my wife (his Mom) is the teacher.  He is easily distracted and breaks down crying if he can't do something (ie a project or assignment) perfectly.  he will also often play by himself when all the other kids are playing together.   Any ideas or suggestions?

[Rachelinpain]

i have a son who is almost exactly that way.  his doctor sent him to get evaluated for autism.  he did not meet the criteria they used but just by 1 point.  i was told...he amy or may not be autistic, definately has anxiety and may have receptive language delay.  he is very smart and confident but also has issues with doing things a specific way.  he had a real problem when he started writing.  he is in kendergarten and seems to be doing ok.  you may just want to have the school evaluate him.  when the educator evaluated my son, she gave me a list of about 22 ways the school should accomadate him based on his "disability".  just a thought.  good luck, no matter what his problem is if you continue to work with him and support and encourage him, i am sure alot of these problems will get better.

[Sally44]

Are there any other behaviours you are concerned about or that appear strange of odd?
Is his behaviour perfectionist, or is he wanting a perfect replica of things?  Or is it the fact that he can't cope with not getting everything right?  Are you sure he actually understands what he should be doing?
What is he like taking turns and sharing?
Can he play with his peer group?
Does he have any speech or communication problems?

[JJ2333]

his self esteem is definitely very high.  he is a confident kid.

[Natta1980]

Speaking as a "teacher's child"

With your parent as a teacher, there is a HUGE pressure to be perfect...My mom was not my teacher, but was a teacher in my school....I've always heard - you should be ashamed of your messy notebooks, your mom is a teacher, yadayada...I've always graduated on top of class....Was always alienated by "popular" classmates; always made good friends with those who were not succesful academically (they were using me as a "tutor" and "homework helper" quite a bit though)..Mom may subconsiously expect lots from her son as she views him as reflection of her teaching.....My son refused to draw for a while...I never "suggest" to him how to draw - I just draw at the same time, and he "borrows" tips as to how to draw....

I remember my friend who had her mom as a teacher - mom used to put her on a spot all the time - she was not too advanced academically, daughter ended up having a very complex and negative relationship with mom.

Most Pre-K and daycares will not allow mother be a teacher to her child....

Playing school is an awesome suggestion - My son sits down a lot better during circle time now, when we play "school" at home:)

Good luck

[imanaddict]

It sounds as if he has some self esteem issues. He might need a little TLC and some one on one time alone with each of you to raise his confidence. If it persists after trying that, a trip to his pediatrician might be the next step. Are  there other kids in the household? Maybe he needs to be in a different class than mom.

[babygirl6152]

I am going to throw some ideas out here but not necessarily realize if they are relevant to your situation ok?

Children from a loving home usually want nothing more than to please their parents. That is actually what helps them learn to obey us. That is part of the bond, right? We overlook little oddities and quirks and see them as cute when the next door neighbor rolls her eyes/
This helps parents not nag their child about every little thing- It helps the child be comfortable in themselves, in their own skin- maybe we even see little things in them we remember doing when we were younger- and subconsciously think- "that's my boy!"
I am trying to put myself in his place- his mom is not only his mom but his teacher- could be that he thinks he is letting her down if he fails in class- but he possibly could be this way even if it were with another teacher-
so how does he react at home when something is not done perfectly?

you brought up maybe 3? issues here-
easily distracted
breaks down crying if project is not perfect
doesn't play together with other kids

Is this his first time in a setting away from home? A child's first year away from home will be easily distracted because of the extra noise, stimulation, anxieties in general....
If that is the case, his playing alone may just be his only time to "get a breather" from all the commotion. Could just be his personality for the rest of his life though. he could be a quiet type.

So to me the only thing that is in any way a big problem is the meltdowns----
even if it is immaturity you can help him thru it---- when there are quiet times at home and he is calm and seems receptive and in a good mood- have a role modeling session and pretend game time- even tell him what you are going to do- ask him to see the way you respond when you act out a mistake and 'bring on the stress', the meltdown and WiTHOUT MAKING FUN OF HIM of course have him see how it is an overreaction- then have some short one phrase mantras to teach when you pretend play again and show him how to respond with less emotion- "It'll be ok"- "maybe next time-" "I can try again"- this should all be upbeat and light and in no way stressful or emotional for him - seeing you act out appropriate responses to anxiety.

we are here to support you- good luck