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Avatar universal

5 year old talking suicide

My son just turned 5.  He is very smart and sarcastic.  He is more like a teenager in a little body.  I was driving today and he said "mom, i want to die."  I said "why would you say something like that?" He said "it's not fair, i just want to die and go to heaven.  You know how i could die right now? I could pull out a gun and shoot myself in the head!"  I said "asher don't talk like that do you hear me!"  he had actual tears in his eyes and said "why do i have to wait so long! i don't want to wait a hundred weeks to go to heaven!"  I was pretty startled that he was so upset about not being able to die.  I didn't know what to say besides that he had it all wrong and it was nothing to be upset about.
He has been so hard to deal with these past few months.  He almost seems like he is unhappy, and that doesn't seem possible to me in such a young person who has so many people around him who love him and treat him with kindness and respect.  He is very smart and did well in pre-school.  But the things that i would get pulled aside for were his behavior.  I had to come pick him up from school for hitting his teacher in the back and not saying sorry.  Then i got a letter for his having a screaming fit during quite time, and then the teachers told me daily how they found it best to "deal" with asher.  He is now home with me all day because we are moving and i didn't want to put him in school just to take him out.  At home he seems to be very angry all of the time.  He is angry when he can't have what he wants, he is angry with what he gets, and he does things that i tell him not to do and then gets mad/sad when he gets into trouble.  I have gotten talks from my family about not being able to make him listen when they watch him.    He has stopped even listing to his aunts/uncles/nana who he loves dearly.  he wont say thank you or please or bye unless i force him and he mumbles it at the ground as if he is mad.  We are a loving family and it hurts my heart to see him so frustrated all of the time, and i get mad and frustrated because he seems to not hear me at all when i talk.
He was up in his room once getting ready to go out and i heard a shrill scream, i ran upstairs in a panic and asked what was wrong.  he said he couldn't get his shoe on.  I said "on honey, just let me help you."  he yelled "no!"  then he continued to scream and cry and roll on the ground for a very long time.  screaming at the top of his lungs, big tears and snot and hiccups. it was so sad, it made me cry!  he has done that for a half hour at a time before.  he has broken the 2 mirrors, a lamp and shaken his sister two times in frustration (she is 6 months old).  Is it me or is there something that needs to be checked out?  I didn't mean to make this so long, but i have tried so many things.  spanking, time outs, screaming, talking calmly with eye contact, telling him no when he throws a fit, taking his hand and leading him though every step of a command, rewards, threats......on and on and on. I am said to be a very patient person, but at the end of every day, i feel exhausted.  why is he so sad/mad when we don't behave like that at all, my husband and i have never even been in a fight before.  he doesn't watch tv.........he only watches movies that we bought and approved of.  I found tears rolling down his face and his chin quivering when the spider dies at charletts web, and i smiled sadly and said "oh asher its ok" and he yelled "its not funny!"
why is my 5 year old talking of death and crying all of the time?  am i overreacting?  I can and will handle this frustration for as long as it takes, but i cannot handle now knowing weather there is more that i can do for him if needed.
thanks a lot
bethany
14 Responses
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Avatar universal
hi  dear I see your post is from 2007.. well  I am faicing something like that ...how things are goin g with your kid? what could you advice me? thanks
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
It would be nice to know how that worked out for  them, but the post was a very long time ago.
   Maybe, if you could give us some more info, we could help you?   How old is your child?  Do you have any younger ones?  Is there a problem also at school, etc.?
Avatar universal
Hi, I came to this forum trying to understand my childhood.

I am a male (34)  i was sexually abused by my female baby sitter repeatedly between 4 and 5. No one knew, I couldn't talk about it, the feelings were so overwhelming and confusing that at the time I wanted to end it/ had to end it and I thought I had to die to do that. I crawled out a window, sat on the ledge, but I didn't have the courage to do what I needed so I somehow developed a mechanism in my mind the suppress those feelings.

As an adult my mechanism broke when my brother told me he knew i was being abused and felt guilt over not stopping it. I am reliving those emotions and experiences now, like a flood. It's terrifying. To have those feelings of a child in your head is overwhelming for me as an adult. They are not like the emotions of an adult and I can't make sense of them. They are just so overwhelming and unstoppable.

So to the point. Your child MAY be being abused.

You will not suspect the person that's doing it. The emotions your child is feeling are more then they can make sense of and they may not be able to articulate them to you. Something has to be making him feel this way. You have to create an environment where he can talk to you about it and know that he's not in trouble, has done nothing wrong no matter what he has done. He needs to feel safe talking about it. Try many times because the first time he will not want to deal with it and may not open up.

Talking about it and feeling like he is safe to talk about it is the only thing that will help him deal with whats affecting him. The fact he is expressing a desire to die out load is a sign he wants to talk, needs to talk. Maybe it's not abuse, maybe it's nothing, but keep letting him know you want to talk to him about what is bothering him, and create the loving/safe space to do it in.

Or you can wait until he is 34 and telling you about it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My nephew who is five is talking about killing himself.  We are all scared and after some of these post don't know what to do.  Its been a while but how are the kids doing.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
try taking your son out like a Disneyworld or some place that you can afford but he will be totally surprised, from where I see he is kind of depressed and lonely but he need to see the life from different point of view, wishing to die is something that no one likes to hear  and it happened to me but it was because I have some problems in my life like my parents all the time were arguing and I tough that I was the problem and all the fighting was me and one time I said I wish I want to die so they will stop fighting about me but right now I see that I was wrong finally I went to Disneyworld last year and I enjoy it a lot , I also went to Europe and learned a new type of life, and for the part of misbehaving he is trying to get attention from other persons and that's why he does what he does.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Your story is very similar to mine. My 5 year old son  was sexually abused by his father as well from baby to 3 years old. I struggled with him throughout his toddler stage and had no conclusions for his extreme behaviour until he disclosed to me at 3 and a half that his dad had been raping him. At 2 and 3 years old he threaten me on a daily basis that he would cut me with a knife, burn down the house and smashed everything he owned. After the disclosure i was able to piece the behaviours together with the abuse. We moved away and started fresh in a big city that had proper therepy and resources to help my son. 2 years later he's doing better and is finally feeling safe again. He is in therepy one a week and is cooperating to talking things out. Our biggest struggle now is his depression. He on a daily basis says "he wishes he were dead, why can't i just die already, i don't wanna live know more, i'm going to chuck myself with a knife, i'm going blow my head off, Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, i'm going to kill myself." I've tried every reaction and nothing will stop him from speaking this way.  I'm scared that he will either harm himself or me everyday.It breaks my heart that these young kids have to have such a hard start to life. It's such a sin that people like their fathers even exist. I wish you all the best and luck with your family's journey.
Helpful - 0
757137 tn?1347196453
Is he on a high-sugar diet? That could make him hyper, irritable, and who knows what else.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I definitely think you need to take him to see a professional. To feel this way at such a young age, there must be an imbalance - serotonin or dopamine or something. He may need a special diet - vitamins can actually help with that kind of thing. I really hope they don't put him on antidepressants or anything like that - really try to go for holistic alternative methods. They can be just as effective (even more so, without the "suicidal thoughts" as a side effect.)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My son is 5 and has started threatening to kill himself saying things like " do you want me to kill myself?  Ha? "  " do you want me to get a knife and kill myself? "  and " If you don't do ( what he wants at the time ) I will kill myself,  do you want me to kill myself? "  Most often this happens if I go to the bathroom and lock the door.  The thing that got me to this site is my confusion and alarm at a 5 year old thinking and saying he would kill himself.  I can't comprehend how and why this would enter into the world of a 5 year old and am scared.  Can you tell me what happened to your son since you posted your story and what did you end up doing about it.
With thanks
mamaNu
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi mamaredwood.

You wrote "Is it me or is there something that needs to be checked out?"

Yes there is. It was years ago you wrote but i hope you still have on eye here every once in a while. or i may be able to give other parents in guidens in simular issues.

An IQ test like WISC-IV would give a better understanding, but from what you have described there are more things to do on a shorter notice.

I have some experience myself with that way of acting. and i find it very likely that Asher is very gifted and is very much in need of stimulation. Having existential concerns at that age is very rare, but more common for the very gifted.

Here is a reference:

http://www.educationaloptions.com/resources/resources_levels_giftedness.php

Level 5 gifted "..have existential concerns by age 4-5 with or without any instruction."

My advice is try to meet his intellectual level with appropriate respect. like as if his was 10-12 years old, (though yet having the emotions of a child that has to develop to match the intellectual level.) And the reason he is acting angry? i can recognize this feeling from my own childhood. and i very much get the feeling that he doesnt feel he is being understood. and the way he is expressing this is by the same terms he feels is the appropriate way to morally treat unfairness, he acts close to what he feels you would act in his situation actually. I am trying to be gentle in my manner of saying this. A way of succeeding in this is for you to be as if you have no authority apose to him. Like never end arguments feeling that you simply are right because you are his mother, but instead have an open discussion about things. soon those will lead to good outcomes.


Quite a few find homeschooling from an early age a good alternative, but in meeting the intellectual needs i feel surprisingly confident about that it will make those problems both you and Asher is having go away since it will remove the causes.


There is a wonderful forum you can visit about giftedness in general. there are alot of threads about advocacy for children. and there are alot of parents in similar situations there as well. and everyone is always welcome =) The experience about this is very great and there are even a few psychologists who loves helping the ones in need.

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org

/Best wishes from Svensson.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi mamaredwood.

You wrote "Is it me or is there something that needs to be checked out?"

Yes there is. It was years ago you wrote but i hope you still have on eye here every once in a while. or i may be able to give other parents in guidens in simular issues.

An IQ test like WISC-IV would give a better understanding, but from what you have described there are more things to do on a shorter notice.

I have some experience myself with that way of acting. and i find it very likely that Asher is very gifted and is very much in need of stimulation. Having existential concerns at that age is very rare, but more common for the very gifted.

Here is a reference:

http://www.educationaloptions.com/resources/resources_levels_giftedness.php

Level 5 gifted "..have existential concerns by age 4-5 with or without any instruction."

My advice is try to meet his intellectual level with appropriate respect. like as if his was 10-12 years old, (though yet having the emotions of a child that has to develop to match the intellectual level.) And the reason he is acting angry? i can recognize this feeling from my own childhood. and i very much get the feeling that he doesnt feel he is being understood. and the way he is expressing this is by the same terms he feels is the appropriate way to morally treat unfairness, he acts close to what he feels you would act in his situation actually. I am trying to be gentle in my manner of saying this. A way of succeeding in this is for you to be as if you have no authority apose to him. Like never end arguments feeling that you simply are right because you are his mother, but instead have an open discussion about things. soon those will lead to good outcomes.


Quite a few find homeschooling from an early age a good alternative, but in meeting the intellectual needs i feel surprisingly confident about that it will make those problems both you and Asher is having go away since it will remove the causes.


There is a wonderful forum you can visit about giftedness in general. there are alot of threads about advocacy for children. and there are alot of parents in similar situations there as well. and everyone is always welcome =) The experience about this is very great and there are even a few psychologists who loves helping the ones in need.

http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org

/Best wishes from Svensson.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm not trying to alarm you, but have you guys ever heard of the child Evan Perry?? He was bi polar and manic depressive i believe, he talked about suicide when he was around 5ish, and killed himself when he was about 15 if i recall correctly, i just believe no book is going to help the only solution is to seek professional health, this is not to be taken lightly.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I almost started crying when I read this.  I found this site because I was looking for information. I feel compelled to share a summary of my situation, I feel it may be relevant, so please bear with me.
About a year ago, my oldest son (then 4) started having VERY similar problems as your son. It rapidly became so bad that I was forced to withdraw him from school, since I'd get called to come pick him up a couple hours after he got there every day. He would always say that the bad dreams made him do it or told him to do it.
We attributed it to the stressors in our life.  I had left my alcoholic husband, we were living in my parents' livingroom, and there was a lot of turmoil and upheaval in our lives.
I had seen to it that the court ordered supervised visits only, but my (ex)husband didn't bother to follow up with it for some time, so four months passed before they saw him again in November.
The night following that visit, after six months of struggling with my child's behavior and trying to help him show emotions in more constructive ways, he made a disclosure. More than a year older, my children's father had sexually abused and raped our oldest son.
He disclosed to authorities, even more fully than he had to me, and then said nothing again until the beginning of last month. We're trying to get him functioning in school again, but he's slipping back into the old behavior again.
Last week, he started saying he wanted to kill himself, he was going to kill himself, he would kill himself with a knife, he had to kill himself because it was the only way to make the bad dreams go away.
I'm not telling you all this to scare you, although it would scare me if someone had come out of the blue to me with this story. I'm telling you this because I see many similarities, and while the cause or trigger of this seemingly chronic behavior may not be the same, I can truely say I understand almost everything you're going through.
My son has been in therapy since May 2007, a full year ago. I wouldn't have been able to pry what happened out of him with a crowbar, it had to be when he was ready.  I still occassionally kick myself thinking that I should have put it all together, but even if I had thought it was sexual abuse, I don't think I would have guessed it was their father who did it to him.
I scheduled a psychological examination for my now 5 year old son. I'm planning on having to enroll him in a special education program due to the inability to function properly in a social setting, and that kills me because there's that side of me that screams out that he's highly intelligent, gifted. But the reality is that he needs the help and resources they can offer him.
If he's talking about suicide, I would say not only schedule him for counseling, but also for a psych eval. Something like that shouldn't be put off being addressed thoroughly. A therapist will be able to give him opportunities to express himself, but a psychiatrist will be better able to give you greater insight to what level of treatment he may need.
I hope I didn't scare you too much with my revelations. While I am in no way saying that anything like what happened to my son happened to yours, I do urge you to keep your mind open to that possibility. There was a time not long ago where I would have said that my child's disclosure of the abuse was the worst thing I had ever heard come out of a child's mouth, but now it's not.  You and I have both heard something worse, and I know from experience that hearing those words come from your 5 year old is beyond any emotion words can express.
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Avatar universal
hey thanks for the references, i will check them out.  I have talked with him about death before because he was asking those big questions.  He was asking why people die. where they go, and all that.  he asked if everyone dies, if he will die, if i will die.  i had to explain in the best truthful way i knew how. i don't think i talked up heaven that much to be greater than here, and if i did, i didn't mean to.   I have a brother in law whos little 7 year old brother hung himself from a shoe string on his bunk bed.  It really really freaks me out, so i kind of got scared when mine talked like that.  we don't allow him to play with guns, we never have. so now he seems obsessed with them! dammit, when you try one thing, it makes something else happen!  thanks again, we are taking him to a doctor next week, just to compare and talk about his behaviors and others his age, i hope all goes well.
Helpful - 0
281956 tn?1191859164
Is this something that has recently occured since his sister has been around?? I would get Dr. Lynn Clarks SOS Help for Parents... it has done wonders for me and manageing my 3, it might help you as well!! He also has a book SOS Help With Emotions. Maybe that would give you help to help your son express his feelings before they go too far and he hurts someone or HIMSELF! Thats odd for him to be talking about death like that. Has someone close to him died recently?? Have you or someone explained to him how nice heaven is where he would think it's better to be there then at your home?? If you answered no to those 2 questions.... SEE A PROFESSIONAL and FAST..... children at that age shouldn't know how to kill themselves or even think of it. My Son will cry at the thought of going to the Doctors without me out of fear something will happen and he will never see me again. Good Luck To you!!!
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