My son is 6 years old. He has been friends with the neighor boy which is 7 years old. We recently found out that they have been touching each others penises putting their butts together. I am sick to my stomach thinking about this and I do not know what to do . Where did they learn this? Is this normal? My son is really upset and does not want to talk about it and the neighbor boy does not mind talking about it. I need help on what to do about this. Does this mean my son is gay or is this Normal behavior?
No, this does not mean your son is gay. I can understand your concern but this is actually pretty normal curiosity. However, that does not mean it's acceptable. I'm sure you've talked to him by now and hopefully you didn't shame him about this. It's best to handle this in a calm manner. Explain to him that you understand about him being curious but that this isn't ok and that no one should be touching his private areas and he shouldn't be touching others private areas. Tell him that if he's curious about anything and has any questions that he can come and talk to you. Be open to that too.
Have you talked to the other boy's mother? If not, it would be a good idea. Try and do it in a non-threatening way. I'd say something like, "I know this is uncomfortable but I found out that when Johnny and Billy were playing last week that they became curious about their bodies and did some touching including their private parts." Reassure her that you are not accusing her son of anything but suggest that they not be allowed to be unsupervised in their playtime anymore. If she's not agreeable to that, then don't allow the boys to play together anymore. And I'd make it a point of supervising any playdates at your house too. Don't allow your children to go behind closed doors to play. Keep them out in the open.
After talking to your son and the other boy's mother, if this should happen again, I wouldn't allow the boy's to play together. If your son was the one who confessed this to you, then I'd praise him for being honest and brave enough to tell you and tell him that he can always come and talk to you without worrying about getting in trouble as long as he's truthful. Keep the communication lines open. Very important. If you establish that now, it will be a lot easier when he's a teenager.
Remember, don't make him feel ashamed about this. Tell him that you understand him being curious but that it's not ok to touch or look at other people's privates or let them do that to you. Keep it light. And just watch things for awhile.
By the way, I was probably his age or a little older and "played doctor" with more than one friend, boys and girls and I certainly didn't turn out gay. Unfortunately, my parents left us kids alone too much and probably didn't check on us often enough like they should have. However, I'm not traumitized or anything from my childhood experiences. He'll be fine. Try to not worry. Hope this helps!
Yeah I agree with April2, it doesn't necesarily mean your son is gay, it's more like exploritory where they want to compare and see if they are normal or like other boys. I don't think they have anything sexual in mind. This reminds me of a case I heard of on the news a couple of months ago where a kindergarden teacher caught 2 little boys in a corner out of sight form the others with their pants down and she got panicked and told the principle and called the boys moms and stuff and when they talked to both boys, it turned out that one kid saw the rim or waistband of the other kid's underwear sticking out from his pants and noticed the kid had on spiderman underwear and had asked him if he had on spiderman underwear and he was like yes and the other boy was like I have some spiderman underwear on too so they went back there to see the spiderman characters that they were wearing and compare spiderman characters! There was nothing sexual at all going on in their minds! LOL! The adults got all upset for nothing and it made them scared because they thought they had done somehting wrong. So that's one thing to keep in mind and realize that kids will do things like that with no sexual reasons behind it at all, it's only adults who see everything as sexual in some way. :) But of course those kinds of behaviours are not to be encouraged because kids need to know what to do and what not to do, but also keep in mind that they might not have anything sexual in mind at all behind it. :)
Thank you very much for your opinion. I have been a nervous wreck and I was so worried that my child was the only one that has ever done this. The other childs mother knows about this and she is also concerned. We are still letting them play together but they are not allowed behind closed doors or to sleep over at each others houses. I hope this never happens again. We told both children that this is not right and they should never touch anyones privates. What other precautions do you think we should take?
Just keep talking to them and ensure they're never alone. Actually, that's a good practice for anyone he plays with. Just make sure you're always aware of what the kids are doing. And as you said, don't let them be behind closed doors.
Sounds like you've got it all pretty much covered. Just chalk this one up as a learning experience and move forward now. Best wishes.
You really shouldnt allow your child to be alone with anyone................When my childrens friends come over it is an open door policy...........they can play in thier rooms but the door always stays open same for the garage and the playroom. My front door is always open to the parent of the child that is visiting as well. And the child who is visiting has total access to phone their parent as many times as they want. I dont think children should be left alone with other children ever............they should remain in earshot and eyeshot............after all they are children.
well im worried about my 8yr old son hes been talking with me. I started the conversation because i new that him and my mothers 7yr old son have been doing things that are not good together I been concerned about my son he had been playing with himself regularly, so i started talking to him about it and he admitted to me that he had sucked on his 7yr old uncles penis he said it was a while ago i dont know when. im dont kno what to do. i dont think i been handling it well. but i want this to stop i want him to be a normal little boy im afraid he is gay. i would love him mo matter what i just dont want him to be gay just because his first chance of experience due to curiosity was a boy that made him only like boys.
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