6 year old daughter confesses everything

[smith020208]

My wife and I have a 6 year old daughter and last week she began crying on the way to school and confessing to my wife everything under the sun, such as "the teacher told us to write our name then date but I wrote the date first, I was talking at lunch when I wasn't supposed to" and so on.  She never gets in trouble at school, during the resent parent teacher conference her good behavior was highlighted as a strength.  But everyday it is the same thing crying while going to school and confessing all night long.  We have tried explaining to her that it is good to tell us about things that she thinks is bad but she needs to let stuff go and not linger on small infractions that no one would have known about if she didn't confess.  I am in the military and currently deployed I am about half way through this 6 month rotation and believe that this could be a factor in her newly found guilt.  What should we do?  

[robynpowell17bathspa]

As a EYE, i would be horrified if a child followed my instructions at the detriment of her mental health. She is very well behaved but to become unique creative individuals we are we have to break away from the mould sometimes. The school system is one of control and being controlled in such a way gave my own daughter anxiety, that was displayed by 'bad behaviour'. I try and teach my pupils that its ok to say no , or to brake a rule or even to disagree with my explanation of a topic- this makes them thieve in later life and not become a 'sheep' or be put in situations where others in higher power can take advantage. We should not be teaching them to nob their head and regurgitate 'facts' because they can pass an exam. Exams are an awful measure of ones intelligence anyway.  The worries your daughter has are not anything she has done immoral or illegal- they are simply rules the school as in pace to make it easier to control a large group of children. Try to teach her to follow her own moral rules and have her own moral compass on what determines 'good' or 'bad' actions. The fact she spoke at lunchtime will not negatively impact her later life. But the fact she had the guts to finish her conversation will leave her in good stead when but up against negative figures throughout her life.
Its ok to tell her that the school rules are silly- actually teachers like someone the steps out of the mould an challenge them daily. Impart your own family and community morals and values on her and she can make decisions in the confidence that she will have your support whatever her behaviour.
However she is very young- (to young to school in my opinion) you need to speak to her teacher about her anxiety and how its effect her perception of the school environment. Teachers should only be offering incentives like positive reinforcement to a child of that age....what 'punishments' have been suggested - or stern words said to your child for her to be so worried about disobeying them??? no child should be getting told off for being 'naughty' as no child is naughty. their behaviour is just a reaction to something in physical reality or internal.
Ask for theraplay sessions - which is fun, safe and child led (all schools should have this service on offer ---if they don't you are being failed) Ask if their emphasis is on academics or creativity, happiness and thieving emotionally. NO CHILD SCHOULD FEEL THIS WAY. if it dosent improve i would be tempted to remove her for the situation. good mental heath if paramount for future success and takes president over academia.
Ask to observe a lesson or help out at lunchtime. You never know there could be a old-school dinner lady barking orders at them. Leaving them scared to say boo to a goose and anxious.   Ask to speak to your local CAMs team and get this sorted before she has memories of distress of school that will effect her in her teenage years.
Also honestly is soooooooo common for children to feel like this at school-- do not worry-----there is nothing wrong with your child, only wrong with society. Everyones unique and if shes having thoughts and emotions that are not neurotypical, that makes her diverse which is fantastic if accommodated for by the school and yourselves. Many educational theorists have said for generations the negative impact of schooling on our children---Maybe look at a reggio emilia or steiner school approach may suit your child better.
If you want your child to be confident in what she believes, morals and have a good understanding or the world around her - try looking at Global Citizenship education activities on UNESCO website under GCE--- gave my D a real grounding and confidence in her classroom and how she relates to the wider world.

Just remember your child doesn't need to change- the school need to change to make her happy !!

[Tr1shl]

OMG...what horrible memories this brought back.  My daughter started at age 4.  Confessing EVERYTHING.  Like....I broke my pencil lead at school today on purpose.  Knowing she was confessing, I would ALWAYS say, oh thats ok.  Then she would say....twice.  Again, I would simply say thats ok.  She had to confess even though she always knew my response was thats ok.  She was diagnosed w/ OCD at 10 so it was 6 yrs of hell.  She would call me every single day at 3pm after school.  My close co workers and I called it the 3oclock confession.  Meds cured her completely and she got off them at 17 and has been fine ever since.   I feel your pain.  Good luck.  
There is definitely help out there.

[SB1995]

This is classic OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) beginning to manifest itself at an early age.  When I started going through this in puberty my parents were clueless - I never heard the word "OCD" till I was a lot older and then I realized what it was that I had been suffering from.  I wasted a lot of my teenage life in excessive worrying and confessing to my mother about ridiculous stuff.  My wife had it too.  Now my son started at age 4 to have the same issues.  I'm pretty sure it is genetic and runs in families.  We got him help straight away.  Get your child a psychiatrist as soon as possible.  There are medicines and counseling which can mitigate this problem and make it go away or at least reduce it to a manageable level.

[JRFRules]

Are you guys Jewish?

[jvano58]

I would agree. I was molested at 3 by a cousin and immediately my anxiety issues which later became full blown ocd started to happen. PTSD of sorts.  Tell her that no matter what happened do not be afraid to tell you exactly what it is and that you will never be upset with her.  Because if something did happen it is not her fault and you will take care of it. My anxiety issues started with my obsessing swallowing and I couldn't do it without water at age of 3.  Then I went into depression as early back as 5 years old.  I believe the assault only happened once; however, it puts profound guilt and this age on a child and they will carry forever unless they therapy.  It is the most difficult thing for a parent to come to grips with that their child may have been assaulted, and it makes YOU feel terrible.  But just imagine how this MAKES HER FEEL.  She cannot even understand it nor know that it was not her fault or that she did something wrong.  All positive energy and Peace and Healing to your daughter - my love to you all.

[Dove10]

PANDAS is short for Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections. The symptoms are usually dramatic, happen “overnight and out of the blue,” and can include obsessions, and/or compulsions. Children may also become moody or irritable, experience anxiety attacks, or show concerns about separating from parents or loved ones.