6 year old doesn't want to poop

[natesmom616]

I hope that I'm in the correct forum for this.  I have a 6 year old (7) in June of this year who does not like to poop.  He was potty trained fairly quickly when younger and had no real problems.  A few years ago, I noticed that he would go for days without having a bowel movement.  When I'd ask him about it, he'd tell me that he didn't have to go, though it was obvious that he did and was holding it in. If he was standing, he'd run to a chair or the floor and sit down and rock or shake his legs or something.  I took him to his pediatrician who thought that possibly he'd had a very large bowel movement at one time and it caused some pain. (He is rather small. At almost 7 yrs of age, he is in a size 4)He believed maybe this made my son apprehensive about going for fear of the pain.  He put him on a bulk stool softener.  This did help him go more often, but only because he can only "hold it" for so long.  For a little while it got better.  He hasn't been on the softener for over a year and half.  However, this is still a problem.  I can tell when he has to go, though he will deny it every time.  I've tried everything from trying to explain how it can hurt his body to hold it in, not allowing him to go places if he hasn't gone and I know he has to go, and even rewards for going. On the rare occasion that he does go without holding it, I'm always quick to tell him how proud I am that he isn't holding it in.  Every time he goes, I ask him if it causes him pain and he says no.  He says that he doesn't like the way it feels.  I've explained that he will have to poop for the rest of his life, regardless of if he doesn't like the feel of it.  He's never constipated and his stools always seem soft, though formed.
Then, last week, he said that when he goes, it hurts his stomach.  At first I thought maybe this was his stomach cramping up when he has a bowel movement.  But I asked him to show me where it hurt and he pointed to his lower abdomen and then also pointed up higher in the center of his torso.  
Is this most likely a psychological issue?  Or can it be medical.  It's not that he doesn't HAVE to go.  By his behavior, I would guess that he would have a bowel movement every other day at the very least.  The urge to go is there, he just holds it and holds it and holds it.  If I wasn't watching, he'd hold it for up to 5 or 6 days.  Could this be a medical issue?   Should I take him to a specialists?  I'm at a loss as to what to do.  Any suggestions or comments are appreciated.  

[Tysmomma]

Your post has been most helpful!!  My son is 6 and he holds in his poop too.  As I read your post, it was as if I had written it myself.  

[beachgoer37]

Hello, my fellow sufferers, I am sooooo glad to have found this site. I am also at my wits end. We have been involved in the Constipation Clinic at Childrens hospital for years................never ending.............lots of Miralax. Ebbs and flows, crying, high fiving, worrying, praising. It is so emotionally draining on me, and my family. It truly is a family problem. It interferes with everyday life, all the time. Now my 6 year old daughter is getiing what I think might be adolescent migraine headaches. So, that is fun too..........I think it is all psycological now with her. We have had all the checks, and GI's and xrays. All fine. She has been this way pretty much since birth. She is my 3rd child, my only girl. She is my midlife baby, had her at 42!!!! I am exhausted!! Thanks for posting all your ideas, and struggles, it helps to know u are not alone!

[michie23]

I totally feel your pain. My 7 year old step-daughter does the same thing and she will hold it for a week at a time and when she actually passes the BM it is usually the size of a small to medioum size football. Her father and I give her fiber gummies every day but she still holds it in. We also do the 2 to 3 potty visits a day to try and go but she will sit there for literally 2 hours and do nothing then she will come into the room and say "I don't have to go. Can I try again later?" We know she has to go because she had not gone in days and she eats all the time so it is obvious that she has to go. She won't tell us why she doesn't want to go either. We have asked her several times why she won't just go get it over with when she first feels it coming on and all she ever says is I don't know. Of coarse her all superior grandmother tells us its our fault because fo what we feed her and she always goes when she is with her, which is a lie because we ask her every time she comes back from grandma's if she went while she was there and she always says no
I am at my wits end as well and do not know what to do. My next option is taking her to a specialist to see if she has a blockage or something. I took a picture of her latest forced BM with my phone and she went nuts, crying and screaming because I took the picture. Who knows why she did that. We tried to explain to her that the doctor needed to see it but she didn't care.
If there is any other options that we have not tried please someone feel free to offer them. It is very frustrating because we have to make sure she goes before we travel or else she will hold it in until her body forces it out and if we are on the road or shopping that is not a pleasant experience.

[natesmom616]

You are not alone!! :-)  I started this thread over 3 years ago and I continue to be amazed at how common this issue is.  One would think that the pediatric doctors would be much more aware of this considering how often if apparantly happens.
I understand your frustration.  It is a very frustrating situation.  You worry about your childs happiness and health and its difficult to remember that they don't really think logically at this age.  Their idea of consequences to actions are pretty much related to behavior/punishment things, not how their outside behavior affects the inside of their body. The most important thing I've learned is patience, patience, patience.  Yelling doesnt help, punishing doesnt help.  I think anyone who reads the 3 years worth of comments on this thread would have a hard time finding one entry that shows a good outcome from punishment/yelling/and threats.  It just doesnt work in this situation.  I think its because this is not a typical behavioral issue, at least not in the way other "defiant" behavioral arise with kids of this age.  And is some cases, I do think it starts with a child having a large bowel movement and then developing a fear of the whole defecating process because of it.  But I think many of these situations are a psychological / OCD type of control issue, as best explained by SPACEBOUND.  Possibly it begins as this as then just becomes a part of their "normal" behavior.  My son is now 10 and has really moved past his issues for the most part. Again,  patience is the key, at least that is what I've found in my situation.  dont get me wrong, I continued to talk to him about it for a long time, but I had to let go of the "visable" frustration.  I think it just made him more anxious about it and kind of closed the door on any type of good communication between us about it,     i.e....I couldn't help him if he wouldnt talk about it with me, and he wouldnt talk about it if I was only going to get upset with him.)  I know that there are times that he still holds it.  But it may be for a day,  not 5 days.  
As for your "silly" story time.  I say good for you for finding a gentle and sensitive way to help her relax.  And it worked, so it doesnt seem all that silly to me.  I also think stress does play into it.  Just last year, at age 9, we had a period where he held it again for 5 days.  Would not go, said he couldn't.....said he didn't have to......said he did, even though he didn't.  I finally gave him a mild laxative, telling him that it simply was too damaging to his body to go that long, and if he wanted to keep the "i cant go" story, then I had no choice but to give him something to make him go.   which needless to say did NOT make a 9 year old boy happy.........and it didn't work.  Then, he got scared (so did I) and I again told him that holding it like he did could hurt his body inside.  Had to give him another one.    This little incident gave a little backbone to that warning and that was the last big incident we've had.
This was (and may continue to be in a small way) a "long haul" issue.  I dont know of anyone in the forum discussions so far that has been able to remedy this situation in a short amount of time, which is one more reason I think it's psychological more than defiant behavior.  But stay calm about it (difficult, I know).  Stay focused on helping your child in a calm way, I truly believe that is the key. May not be a "quick" fix, but I think it is most productive in the long run.  And to anyone who takes their child to the doctor and hears "just put him/her on a stood softener".....maybe tell the doctor to take a look on the forum of webmd and they will see how many people have this issue with their children  and who have learned that it isn't about being constipated.
None of us can come up with a perfect fix for this, as each child is different psychologically and emotionally.  But it's good to know that we can come to this forum for support and encouragment on something that we all originally thought we were alone in.
Hang in there!!

[3crazykids]

Hello, I too am finding this post very helpful.  I have an 8 yr old daughter who holds in her bowel movements.  She will hold it in for 2-3 days.  I watch her and as soon as I see signs of holding I tell her to go to the bathroom.  If we are home, she will comply and this usually works but if we are out it only occasionally works.  This summer is the first time she lost small bits of her bowels on three occassions.  Everytime it was after being in water.   I am afraid my reaction doesn't help, because I get so frustruated and angry.  I also use posivitve reinforcement, tried laxatives when she was younger, and range from being supportive and understanding to crazy angry about this.

When I was a kid I would also hold it in because I was embarrassed by the smell.  I thought it was nasty and stinky .  I don't remember liking to hold it in but I do remember never wanting anyone to smell it.,  I would try to fan the door to air out the room.  I remember hiding behind things so people didn't know I was holdong it in.  I beleive that is why I know exactly when she has to go.  I acted in the same manner as she does now.  
Even with this past, I get angered by her stubbornness to poop.  She can but will not.  We talk about the smell, we talk about the health problems but still the problem persists.  We talk about her body, her choice, her control....does this fall on deaf hears?  
When she was 3, we used to sit in the bathroom stalls and tell stories to help her relax enough to poop.  I would start "once upon a time..." and she would say the next sentence, then me, etc until she was able to pass it.  She really liked this activity and though I felt silly I was sure happy when she went.  Now at 8, I guess that game is silly to her too, but it did help for a while.  I should mention too that this behavior ebbs and flows.  Currently, we are in a rough patch.  
THanks for all your posts!  I feel more at ease hearing your suggestions and sharing in your frustration.  

[rebbie2011]

I have a 2 1/2 year old almost three. My son had hydrospadias (small hole in penis) and it was repaired  when he was 1 1/2 years old.  He had to have catheter after surgery for a week wear 2 diapers one for pee and one for poop and we had to change him and put medication on his penis...was very hard to do he screamed all the time. Before the surgery he pooped normal after the surgery he doesnt. He holds his poop in and when does have to poop he strains to get it out. This has been going on for awhile.  He as been on miralax, mineral oil, changed his diet (he eats very healthy lots of fruit love cantalope) and his milk no milk drinks soy.  And he takes 2 ex lax every night! He was doing great for 2 months then he reverted back to straining and trying to poop. Just recently when strains to poop has started to puke too.....I am very concerned and i want him to get potty trained too....he understands the potty has even sat on it but refuses to use it now!.  I dont know what to do i am worried and stressed that my son is going to fall behind in school.. ( he is a very smart kid knows his number and is starting to read)....we try bribing him but he is so head strong that its very hard.....I am reading these post and i am glad that some people are going through what i am and need all the advice i can. Oh he also had the barium enema test and they said his insides were normal nothing no blockages or anything intestines and colon or are normanl...