6 year old doesn't want to poop

[natesmom616]

I hope that I'm in the correct forum for this.  I have a 6 year old (7) in June of this year who does not like to poop.  He was potty trained fairly quickly when younger and had no real problems.  A few years ago, I noticed that he would go for days without having a bowel movement.  When I'd ask him about it, he'd tell me that he didn't have to go, though it was obvious that he did and was holding it in. If he was standing, he'd run to a chair or the floor and sit down and rock or shake his legs or something.  I took him to his pediatrician who thought that possibly he'd had a very large bowel movement at one time and it caused some pain. (He is rather small. At almost 7 yrs of age, he is in a size 4)He believed maybe this made my son apprehensive about going for fear of the pain.  He put him on a bulk stool softener.  This did help him go more often, but only because he can only "hold it" for so long.  For a little while it got better.  He hasn't been on the softener for over a year and half.  However, this is still a problem.  I can tell when he has to go, though he will deny it every time.  I've tried everything from trying to explain how it can hurt his body to hold it in, not allowing him to go places if he hasn't gone and I know he has to go, and even rewards for going. On the rare occasion that he does go without holding it, I'm always quick to tell him how proud I am that he isn't holding it in.  Every time he goes, I ask him if it causes him pain and he says no.  He says that he doesn't like the way it feels.  I've explained that he will have to poop for the rest of his life, regardless of if he doesn't like the feel of it.  He's never constipated and his stools always seem soft, though formed.
Then, last week, he said that when he goes, it hurts his stomach.  At first I thought maybe this was his stomach cramping up when he has a bowel movement.  But I asked him to show me where it hurt and he pointed to his lower abdomen and then also pointed up higher in the center of his torso.  
Is this most likely a psychological issue?  Or can it be medical.  It's not that he doesn't HAVE to go.  By his behavior, I would guess that he would have a bowel movement every other day at the very least.  The urge to go is there, he just holds it and holds it and holds it.  If I wasn't watching, he'd hold it for up to 5 or 6 days.  Could this be a medical issue?   Should I take him to a specialists?  I'm at a loss as to what to do.  Any suggestions or comments are appreciated.  

[LRM1021]

I have known other children who would hold it in because they found the act of defecation very unpleasant for some reason or another, even though it was not painful.

If his stools are normal, and he has the urge to go, and this issue has been going on for that long with no other symptoms, then the chances of him having a medical issue are pretty low. However, you mentioned that he is very small in stature. You may want to consult a specialist about small stature/ abdominal complaint/ defecation issues -- just for your own knowlegde and to rule out that there is a medical issue.

In my opinion, it is most likely that he just really has an aversion to defecation. It could well be sensory. It could be that he does not want to take the time to do his business, so to speak, because it will take him away from playtime, or something more enjoyable. I knew one kid who hated the smell-- and held it it until he actually DID develop a serious medical condition.

If it were me, I would rule out with a phone call or two any possible medical causes, and then I would consult with my pediatrician again, to get advice on what to communicate to him so that he will be encouraged to feel more comfortable about this body process. Because as you mention, it ain't gonna stop:)

[natesmom616]

I'm certain that the "unpleasantness" plays a part in his feeling.  I wasn't really too worried before because he had the urge to go.  This is why I didn't want to keep giving him the bulk laxative. Because he wasn't having a problem going.  His problem is that he won't go when he has to.

It was when he mentioned the pain in his upper abdomen that raised concerns for me.  Though I am well aware that he could also be using this a way to keep me from pressuring him to go.  I've tried to explain to him that he could hurt himself inside if he continues to do this.  

I'm uncertain who to call with questions on the phone.  Possibly I should take him back to his regular pediatrician first who can recommend a specialist.  Possibly if I run this question thru the pediatrician expert forum here I could get some feedback?

[LRM1021]

I think running the question by the expert forum here is a good idea. It might give you some more direction about where to take him for additional evaluation.

[natesmom616]

Possibly it takes awhile to post question in the forum.  I've tried yesterday and it stated that the max amount of questions had been asked for the day, and to try the next day.  I am able to post only while at work during breaks ect, so I tried frist thing this morning and guess what-said the same thing.  Busy place :-)
Will keep trying.  Tried talking to my son again last night about holding it in and how it's possible that it could hurt him if he keeps doing it all of the time.  I asked him if it hurts "inside" or "outside" when he goes and he said a little bit of both.  When asked, he also said that it doesn't hurt quite as bad if he holds it for "awhile".  The problem is, "awhile" can be 5-6 days if I didn't hold the box of suppositories in my hand for him to see.  I'm wondering if the longer he holds it, the less he has to "exert" himself, for lack of a better term, when he does finally go.  Though he never appears to be straining in any way.  

I'm amazed at how many past posts I've found on children holding in thier BM's.  I had no idea it was this common.  though many of the other posts state that their child won't go in the potty, just goes in their pants.  My son doesn't do this. He just won't go

[LRM1021]

As for getting on the expert forum, yeah-- I definitely find you gotta be up like super early to get in there!!! Sunday AM seems to be best time.
And overall, I am sure that in about 10 years, when he is driving, and dating girls, and talking about college and sports and all that-- you won't even really remember today:)

[mumblingmice]

This sounds exactly like what we've been dealing with with my 6 yo son and 3 yo daughter. . .

We've given them daily milk of magnesia / miralax for years. . .  I don't like to, but the alternative is that they'll hold it for, yes, 5-6 days and end up passing very painful BMs. . .

We have them sit on the potty each day after lunch and supper to try to poop.

The fiber/ stool softener combined with 2-3 daily sit-on-the-potty times is what their doctor proscribed when I first asked about it when my son was 18 months old. . .

I wish this condition had a name.  It seems like a fairly common problem with a definite set of symptoms. . .  I guess I'm thinking that if it had a name, we could talk about it more easily and learn more about it. . .

I had constipation issues as a child and I outgrew them completely as an adult. . .    I wonder if we'll just be dealing with daily meds, manditory potty times, poopy accidents, pain and tears, and the frustration of watching them fight their urges to go - until they are all grown up. . .  I remember my mom having to clean up poopy messes, rewarding me for pooping in the potty when I was in elementary school, and giving me fiber supplements even in high school.

It is pretty disgusting and frustrating, but I guess it could be worse. . .

My main concern right now is reminding myself that it is counter-productive to argue with him about whether or not he "has the feeling" to go. . .  This damages our relationship. . .  My job is to give him his meds, maintain the regular potty times, and increase his meds if he doesn't poop in a given day, clean up messes, and wash my hands very very well. . .

[proudmomof4children]

I found this topic because just now my daughter was in so much pain that I thought I was going to have to take her to the doctor. She is 4 yrs. old. She has a tendency to hold her poop for days. But, she has never complained about any pain since she has been potty trained. Back when we were still in the potty training process, she would not go poop for many days. Then, she would go behind the couch and start crying in pain and have a really bad BM. When we caught her doing this, we would set her on the potty. It took her a long time to get trained. She finally just decided a couple weeks before Christmas last year when she was 3, that she would finally just go. But, since then she still holds it. But, she does go eventually and never complained of pain. Back to today. She ate and then all of a sudden said her behind and tummy hurt. She mentioned that she needed to go poop. But, she wouldn't go. Them, when I was explaining that she was hurting because she had to go, she then refused to admit she had to go. Then, she was arching her back so much and said her tummy hurt under her belly button and above it. So, I started worrying that there was more wrong with her. But, then as I was looking up info about abdominal pain and when to seek emergency care, etc., she bent over and started crying and pooped on herself! She has not pooped on herself since she was 3 and going behind the couch. Anyway, I took her to the bathroom and helped her clean up and she had a lot more to go. I mean, it looked like 3 weeks worth of BM, if not more. Anyway, now she is back to normal and that was all it was! No doctor needed. But, it still worries me why she is refusing to go. Maybe there is a medical condition that cause these kids to not want to go. Or maybe it is just part of the potty training. Even though they do eventually go and don't mess on themselves. They still are not fully trained if they are having issues with it like this. Unless of course it is medical.

[natesmom616]

So Sorry,  I've not had a chance to be on this site for a very long time.
Kind of an update:  My son is now 8-1/2 yrs old.  He is MUCH bette than he was about holding BM's.  But he DOES still do it.  Many times when he has to go, he'll just go.  But there are still plenty of times where he holds it.   I've gotten very good at seeing the signs of when he's holding it.  I don't make a big deal about it.  When I notice it, I may say to him, "why don't you go in and go to the bathroom.  I can tell that you have to go".   Usually he denies it, and I just say "OK, but if you hold it it will just make you stomach worse, we already know this don't we Nate?".  I do not force him to go, and eventually he will go in by himself.  There are rare times when I know he's held it a long time time and I'm certain he has to go but is ACTIVELY holding it in and I'll tell him that he will not be going to the party he's been invited to the next day (or whatever exciting activity he may have) if he has not gone  to the bathroom. I remind him that he will spend his day finding a place to sit down until the urge passes and won't have near as much fun.  That usually gets him to go.  While it obviously is a concern healthwise when our child holds it, and I do believe we must really be vigilant in keeping track of it, I've learned the best way to handle it "hands down" is to NOT argue and NOT force.  It does no good and only seems to make them hold it more.  I've tried be sure he understands that HE is in control of his body and that HE is the one who can make the decision to go when he has to.  I think he still doesn't LIKE to go, he just does NOT like the feeling.  But he's learned that he will really will eventually HAVE to go-it won't go away. so he's gotten better.  All I can say is have patience.  Difficult as it can be.  It's taken alot of time for my son to get to the point he's at.  Good luck.  

[rsinva]

Thanks for the follow-up.  We have an 8 year old with very similar behavior.  I have been finding a lot more stained underwear.  As others have said, going at school is out of the question.  At times, I am sure we go 4-6 days, but then there are periods of every other day.

While reading the posts, I had was racking my brain for any "regular" activities in recent memory that were followed by a bowel movement.  BATHs.  Jackson hasn't taken regular paths in a few years, but as I thought about it, I would guess that 50% or more of his baths are interupted by the need to sit on the toilet. Not a pretty picture, as I write about it.  We are going to try nightly baths to see if his frequency improves.  I'll report back any results.  -- RS

[sue_perfluous]

Sounds like he'll need hospital treatment for encopresis - sorry (for both of you)!
Then again...if threatening him with the suppositories doesn't motivate him to do the doo, maybe the fear of an enema will do the trick?!

[Alisonjayjay]

My 5 year old son has had this problem for the last two years since he was potty trained. It seems to have gotten worse recently. I'm at my wits end because he just point blank refuses to go. He says he doesn't like how it feels. He will go for up to week without going to the toilet when I can see he is desperate to poo and then has to have his underwear changed about five times a day because they are dirty. I am constantly washing his butt because he smells bad even though has a bath daily. I have to sit him on the toilet and encourage him to stay there several times a day but he refuses to push it out. I try to explain to him that he has to poo but he just ignores me or changes the subject, or he gets angry and covers his ears while shouting at me to go away. Apart from this he is a great kid and doing really well at school and has very good manners etc, but I am so worried that this problem will have medical implications for him. I have given him a stool softener which doesn't seem to work because the poo just comes out in small bits in his underwear. He has also gone in his pants in his sleep and obviously this is only because he is unconscious he is doing it and his body just loses control. I've tried reward charts which have worked temporarily but before long he goes back to holding it in. He will lie on the couch wriggling his legs and arching his back and he's obviously desperate. I can't keep forcing him to sit on the toilet and I want him to go by himself but its been going on for two tears and I really thought the problem would be solved by now. I am taking him to the doctor on Monday and I hope there is something which can be done.

[Alisonjayjay]

My 5 year old son has had this problem for the last two years since he was potty trained. It seems to have gotten worse recently. I'm at my wits end because he just point blank refuses to go. He says he doesn't like how it feels. He will go for up to week without going to the toilet when I can see he is desperate to poo and then has to have his underwear changed about five times a day because they are dirty. I am constantly washing his butt because he smells bad even though has a bath daily. I have to sit him on the toilet and encourage him to stay there several times a day but he refuses to push it out. I try to explain to him that he has to poo but he just ignores me or changes the subject, or he gets angry and covers his ears while shouting at me to go away. Apart from this he is a great kid and doing really well at school and has very good manners etc, but I am so worried that this problem will have medical implications for him. I have given him a stool softener which doesn't seem to work because the poo just comes out in small bits in his underwear. He has also gone in his pants in his sleep and obviously this is only because he is unconscious he is doing it and his body just loses control. I've tried reward charts which have worked temporarily but before long he goes back to holding it in. He will lie on the couch wriggling his legs and arching his back and he's obviously desperate. I can't keep forcing him to sit on the toilet and I want him to go by himself but its been going on for two tears and I really thought the problem would be solved by now. I am taking him to the doctor on Monday and I hope there is something which can be done.

[spacebound]

Kind of awkward, but I had this when I was a kid (I'm now 19). I had completely forgotten about it, but it randomly crossed my mind in my developmental psychology class today. I was curious for an explanation and am shocked to see that numerous other kids exhibit the same strange behaviors. Anyway, I thought I'd try to explain what it was like in case it might help you guys.
I think it must have been ages 3-5 when it was really a problem (which seems to be the popular age for this board). I wouldn't poop for days, and often it would interfere with pretty much everything I would normally want to do with my day. Sometimes I would wake up and just not get out of bed because it was uncomfortable to move too much. I wouldn't go out and play with my neighbors--I would just lay there, which, in comparison to the other periods in my childhood, was very abnormal for me. I think my parents were too embarrassed to bring it up very often because I don't remember them doing so, but they would get mad that I'd always leave smears in my underwear. So, I'd hide them from them, and I was generally very honest with my parents, so this was a strange behavior, too. Mainly I posted to say that I believe the problem, if your kids are going through the same thing that I did, is psychological. I think this because it really, really hurt, and it was debilitating, so I don't think it was as though I thought that, in terms of physical comfort and pain, it was the best option; rather, it was like it was happening to me, like I didn't have a choice. In reference to the suggestion that it might be an aversion to the potential pain of pooping, at least for me, that wasn't the case. I think it was a compulsive behavior, which, from what I understand, is like a tic (biting your nails, twirling your hair, etc.), except the individual knows very well that it's in his/her best interest not to do it, but literally can't help but do it anyway. OCD and drug addiction are characterized by compulsive behavior. I wish I could offer some further insight that would comfort a concerned mother and enable you to figure out what to do, but that's really all I got. I can say that it somehow went away on its own--once I started kindergarten I was pooping much more frequently, and by second grade I'm pretty sure it was a non-issue. I'm also doing perfectly fine now. :) I think the "correct treatment" would largely depend on the kid. I can't imagine severe measures are necessary, like feeding your kid a bunch of laxatives or taking him/her to a shrink; I feel like if my parents had done the latter it would have been a more traumatic experience than it was, but I really don't know. Anyway, good luck to all of you. Congratulations on being good mothers--I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

[natesmom616]

Spacebound, Thank you SO MUCH for posting on this subject.My son will be 9 in June and while this is not as big an issue as it was a few years back, it DOES still occur with him.  Sometimes he is just fine and goes without saying anything;  Yesterday he called to me from the bathroom and said he needed a new roll of toilet paper.  When I went into the bathroom, he was on the toilet going like it was no big deal.  And yet.......last week, I could tell he was holding it.  There are still times where he'll tell me that he's urinated a very small amount in his pants.  When I ask why, he said he just couldn't hold it.  But I know that this only happens when he's holding his poop.  He doesn't want to poop for whatever reason, and he knows that when he urinates, the urge to poop is almost too much for him to stop, so he just holds the urine.  As before, we've had numerous discussions about the damage that holding can do to his body.  Again, sometimes he's fine, and other times he holds it.  I always let him know that urge will not go away until he goes.  I cannot determine if it is durring times of stress that he holds it or not.  However, I do agree with you Spacebound that this is a psychological issue and that the degree of it varies from child to child.  What I hadn't thought of before is the OCD aspect of it. Lightbulb moment!!    As you said, I don't think that this is an issue of having a painful bowel movement in his past.  On the contrary, I think it is much more painful for him to hold it in.  That much appears obvious when you see a child sit down and wiggle, wiggle, wiggle until the urge passes.  But the compulsive behavior, now THAT makes some sense to me.  The OCD interests me for a few reasons; 1)  I tend to have some obsessive behavior myself, (as does my husband) though it is much less pronounced than before I had my son. I still count steps every time I go up or down them.  My spice cabinet is alphabatized (dont laugh)  and I feel MUCH more relaxes when everything is "in it's place" so to speak.   2)  My son has only recently revealed to me that he strongly prefers EVEN numbers for everything rather than odd #'s.  To the extent that he is much more comfortable having (6) chicken nuggets on his plate, than (5).  That kind of thing.  I never knew this.  I know that he sometimes suffers form mild anxiety and we've spoken with and had him recently seen by a child Psychologist because he gets frustrated very easily and can be very very hard on himself.  At any rate, he is much better than he was 2 years ago, but it does still occur.  As I said, PATIENCE seems to be the key. And I most certainly think it was important to explain to him the physical harm that he can cause himself when doing this.  Spacebound, you are an absolute DOLL for chiming in on this issue. You are the first to give us a "first person" view as to why our children may be doing this. I cannot tell you how much that will help some of us to better understand what our child may be thinking and feeling. i too was suprises at the number of children who seem to have this issue.  I assumed my child was the only one. Bless you for coming out and sharing that insightful post.  I certainly gives me more to think about with my son so that I can possibly help him more. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

[fdak]

I have a 6 yr old daughter with HFA. She does very well except with pooping in the potty. I have had medical tests conducted all which are negative. My daughter is very sweet except when it comes to the potty then she becomes quite aggressive and physically violent. Screaming, pulling hair, throwing things and biting. Although we have somewhat overcome this she will hold in her stool for up to a week. Her tummy becomes distended and she complains of tummy pain. She says it hurts when she goes but she will go in her underwear with no problems. Dr's recommend miralax which only semi works. she will continue to hold in but now little bits of poop will be in her underwear and this happens several times a day. I am so tired of washing out underwear. She now washes it herself first but then I have to launder it. She has been so out of control with this she has scared my 3 yr old daughter who now also refuses to use the potty. I am at my wits end. I even have a team of specialist working with her but she still wont stop holding in. I read some of these posts and I fear this is something she will be dealing with for a long time. I really hope she can overcome this before beginning 1st grade. Her unwillingness to go has caused her behavior to become more defiant. She is now becoming more somatic with tummy and headaches. She runs a fever of 102 or higher when she is overwhelmed or stressed. As soon as stressor is removed her temperature returns to normal and all pains disappear. I really want to help my daughter but I just don't know what to do anymore. I am more then frustrated and can't undestand why she would rather hold in her stool causing herself pain and discomfort instead of just going on the potty. thanks for reading and would appreciate any comments

[Alannasmommy01]

I just wanted to say I am currently dealing with this with my 5 yr old daughter. She was actually in the hospital last week b/c she was constipated and would not eat or drink, therefore leaving her dehydrated. The hospital gave her an enema and and IV of fluids, kept her overnight. The thing that gets me if, she was sent to the ER on a Thursday. It was the Monday before that that she stopped eating, but she pooped for me on Saturday twice and Sunday once, then on Monday stopped eating, Wed. stopped drinking. I followed up with a visit to my ped in 48 hours who said keep giving miralax.  Here we are, one week later, 1 capful of miralax a day, 3 suppositories and 1 enema and still no poop! She was holding it up until the suppositories, but after I gave them she is trying, just that watery poop is coming out. We have been dealing with this for 2-3 years, saw a GI Dr last summer and I was just told to make an appointment with another 1. I just want her to poop, its so sad! She was tested for Celiac's and that was negative, and will be tested for Cystic Fibrosis next week. I just don't know what to do, calling the ped when the sun comes up.

[xdunlapx]

As a young child I suffered with severe constipation and very painful poops. As far back as I can remember I've always held my poop in (even to this day at 26 years old). I am so aversed to pooping I only go every few days. I hold it in until I simply cannot hold it in any longer and run to the bathroom.

When I was a child it was the pain that I was avoiding. Now, today, it's the grossness of pooping that keeps me from going regularly. I think it's just some kind of OCD thing. Not sure really.

[xdunlapx]

As a young child I suffered with severe constipation and very painful poops. As far back as I can remember I've always held my poop in (even to this day at 26 years old). I am so aversed to pooping I only go every few days. I hold it in until I simply cannot hold it in any longer and run to the bathroom.

When I was a child it was the pain that I was avoiding. Now, today, it's the grossness of pooping that keeps me from going regularly. I think it's just some kind of OCD thing. Not sure really.

[mrsphips]

even though it is a little relieving to know im not alone..i wouldnt wish this on anyone and really feel for others going through this. my 3 1/2 yr old has been peeing on the potty for sometime now but wont poop in it except on a VERY rare occassion. i have done alot of reading and even taken her to the doctor. she is not constipated..if she was she wouldnt take large poops in her underwear.  The doctors obviously have no answers, i feel this is more of a behavioral problem even though the experts dont seem to agree that a child so young could put thought into this. In the last couple of days she has also started wetting her pants..she has never done this since potty trained almost a year ago..she even gets up in the middle of the night to pee and doesnt go in the bed. I am now fearful to take her anywhere, i took her to the park and she wet and soiled herself, there was a bathroom there. i want to do fun things with her but this is getting so frustrating and its hard not to get upset. we have tried everything..positive reinforcement, changing her diet, yelling, crying, reading her books on the potty. Nothings working and i am so scared of what it will be like when she goes to school. I typically have to change her 3-8 times a day and she refuses to wear a pullup. This is straining on my relationship with her because when she has to go and she is holding it she becomes a different kid..and throws violent fits it is very stressful on our whole family. There is no cure for this and i just wonder when and if it will ever end

[geegee117]

My heart goes out to you.  I have a 28 year old son and when he was about 7-8yrs. he had the same problem.  We would have to take him to ER every so often (at the time we didn't know what was wrong).  He would just scream and wriggle in pain.  He would say mom please help me.  It would break my heart.  No one knew what it was.  He was missing school to the point his teacher sent work home so he could keep up.  I would not leave the ER one night until someone helped us. They finally gave us the name of a pediatric gastro. dr. We stayed in the ER until morning (which wasn't long).  When the office opened I went to the Dr. office and told then, I would sit there until they saw us.  After a wait we got in.  Of course all the normal tests then scheduled a colonostopy and light down throat at children's hospital.  This was hard to make him go through but not as hard as the pain he was having.  They gave me a color picture that showed the beginning of an ulcer.  Michael was given a pill to take when he felt the pain and it would relax everything.  We also changed his diet somewhat ( x fried most).  It was by far the worst thing I have ever experienced.  All this to say please take him to a pediatric gastro doctor.  It was the best thing I ever did.  This may not be Nate's problem but the doctor will get to the bottom of what the problem is.  Good luck!!  Michael still has some problems but has learned how to control it himself.  Nate's problem is not uncommon for a gastro dr.  They see this a good bit. I would love to hear how things go:)

[lvmom]

WOW, I am so happy to see all of these responses! More information than I got from any of our doctors.

My son is 9 years old and we have been dealing with this for about 4-5 years. He was worse a few years back, but now that we can talk about how its not good to hold it in, he does better. We have been very careful not to shame him but just to let him know we are worried it could hurt his digestive system. When he finally does go after a few days of holding it, it is HUGE! Sometimes we have to remove it from the toilet because there is just no way it will go down. Once we saw the size we knew it had to hurt. So we gave him mild stool softeners - not laxatives. They have helped a lot. It makes it easier for him to go so we know that it isn't the fear of pain that is stopping him. But he still holds it sometimes.

Another idea is regarding the routine of at least sitting on the toilet at the same time every day - like before a bath - even if you don't have to go. This was somewhat effective.

I used to think that sometimes children, certainly boys, are so busy they don't want to take the time to do. But, I agree that it is psychological, and something that they perhaps cannot help from doing. A compulsion. I really don't know what it's about, but our doctor's have all said that its normal and to use a stool softener. It does worry me that it will carry into adulthood. I never thought it could be OCD related until reading these posts. My son also has a habit of biting his nails. I don't understand why he does either of these things. He is not under any abnormal stress. We have a stable home, a large extended family and a pretty basic weekly routine. He has a very happy homelife as well as school. It may be just part of his personality.

It was great reading everyone's responses, now I don't feel that it is very uncommon. Thanks all!

[natesmom616]

Hang in there!   I KNOW that its frustrating.  This forum is wonderful.  For so long I thought that my child was doing something that no other child did.  It's amazing to me how many parents are answering on this forum thread that I first started over 2 years ago.  This situation is much more common than I ever thought and I'm amazed that doctors aren't more aware of it considering that.
Like all of the other people who posted, mu doctor kind of guessed at what was going on.  My son's ped. dr. put him on stood softeners in the beginning like so many others did.  He advised that if it kept up we would need to see a gast. dr.
My problem with those two things was that I knew that his problem wasn't that he COULDN'T go, it was that he WOULDN'T go.  HUGE difference between the two.  When "spacebound" wrote in and mentioned the OCD aspect, it was like bells and whistles went off in my head.  THAT makes sense to me.  We recently tool my son to see a therapist because he gets frustrated and angry very easily.  After many sessions, they said there was no HDAD, nor any other type of disorder to worry about. Said he seems healthy and well adjusted for a 9 years old but said that he does tend to have some issues with anxiety and worrying about things.  That kind of fits with his bathroom issue.  At least to me it does.  Anyway mrsphips, I know how difficult it is but just hang in there.  Believe me, as hard as it is, staying calm and not making a huge deal out of it seems to be the key.  Not to solution by any means, but it certainly worked better for us than arguing, taking away privileges, and forcing time on the potty.  That just increases their anxiety about the whole issue.  Cant possibly help.   I learned that the hard way :-)   As I posted before, Nate has gotten better and better,  But he still occasionally holds it.  He went yesterday and I know he had held it for at least 3-4 days, even though he denied it.  Plugged the toilet up and everything.  It was only after going swimming all day that he just couldn't hold it any longer.  The swimming thing helps I think.  Even more so than a soak in the tub.  Maybe the chlorine?  Or just the length of time they're in the water maybe.  Dunno, but swimming almost always makes him go.  It will get better, just need to be patient.  Other than the one post, I think most kids slowly get past it.  If indeed it is psychological, which I do believe it is, maybe as they get older, the OCD manifests itself in other ways.  There may not be much help explaining this from the doctors, but there is plenty of help on this website.  As you said, its so nice to know there are others who have gone thru this and can offer help, even if that help is only a small comment of support and understanding.

[scootytoot]

Hi there - I am just adding to the discussion not because I have a child of my own who suffers with this condition but a child in my class and I am trying to get a bit more info on it. One thing I remembered from my uni days is Freud's Psychosexual stages of which there are five but I think the anal stage is relevant to this... here is a bit of info...

"Anal Stage: 18 months - 3.5 years (approx.)

Physical focus: anus (elimination). Until now the baby has had it pretty easy. Now baby is supposed to control bowels. Freud believed baby?s sexual pleasure centred around the anus at this time.

Psychological theme: self-control/obedience. These things are not just related to toilet training but also the baby must learn to control urges and behaviours (terrible twos). What goes wrong here is either parents being too controlling or not controlling enough (Freud was a great believer in moderation).

Adult character: anally retentive (rigid, overly organised, subservient to authority) vs. anally expulsive (little self-control, disorganised, defiant, hostile)."


It also said that if there is any 'unresolved issues' during these stages, 'fixations' on the stage may occur in later life. Interesting and worthy of taking into consideration as we try to understand this complex issue. Kind regards and best wishes to all who are dealing with this first hand.



...

[Chrismomathenaunt]

Id like to know more about this Freud you speak of I think U just may be on to something here something's you said and some issues that are presently happening along with this issue and I am very interested in learning more on this theory

[christine73]

My four-year-old son spent a lot of last year witholding poo, as I called it. I too was rinsing out smeared underwear several times a day and losing my mind in the process. I put it mostly down to his apalling diet - he eats no fruit or vegetables and exists mostly on peanut butter sandwiches and various carbs - and give him Miralax daily, but pooping is still an ordeal for him.

He's been very good lately (for the past several months) and nearly always goes as soon as he feels the need, rather than holding it in for a week. So he poops every day or two, but it's very hard for him - he sits and wriggles and cries and his legs are pumping pumping and eventually the poo - lots of it - doesn't look too hard or too soft - comes out. It takes a good ten or twenty minutes.

I always thought it was a control issue, which makes sense with the OCD thing. Now it looks as if his brain and his body are at odds - he really wants to go, but his body won't just sit down and do it, so he fights it the whole time, even while it's happening.

I think it goes in phases. I'm just hoping this phase is over soon. And that there isn't some physiological thing I could actually do something about. I hate to see him suffering when he's trying so hard to be good.