Can't take this sex talk anymore ( 8 years old)

[justacuriousmom]

My child is soon to be 9. When she was 4-5 she was touched inappropriatly by a 14 year old boy. never penetration but he had her look at porn and she was touched.  I didn't find out about this until 2-3 years later and immediately took her to counseling. She saw 2 different counselors and both of them told me after a few sessions that she was doing great and counseling really wasn't needed.

Now she is obsessed with talking to me about crazy stuff. Every night. For 2 -3 hours at a time. She cries and talks incoherantly. I can't understand half of what is coming out of her mouth.  She says she doesn't know if things really happened or if she is making it all up in her mind because things pop in her mind and she can't tell the difference between reality and imagination.

Today's melt down started with " mom, who wears condoms, boys or girls" and then followed with " i may have tried a ciggarette once" I told her not to do that again because she is too young and it isn't a good thing to do. That followed with crazy crying and being inconsolable. She then changed the story from ciggarettes to maybe marijuana. When I asked her what the thing looked like that she thought she tried and I clearly told her she wasn't in trouble , I just wanted to know. She then said " She didn't know because she doesn't know if it really happened or not"

She constantly asks me about penises and vagina's. She constantly talks to me about sex. Kids are picking on her now because of the strange way she behaves. She makes up stories. She is a complete tattle tale and now has little to no friends.

I do not know what is wrong with her or where to go . I am so stressed out that I can't take it anymore. I don't want to give up on her. She is my first born, but I can't take it anymore. It's everyday. Hours everyday.

No matter what I say or do...what I try, it never gets better. NEVER. I have another child too, as a single parent I am at my witts end.

Do you think she has a mental problem? Because I think something is seriously wrong and I don't know how to help her anymore.

This is draining and it's tearing my family apart.

[justacuriousmom]

I did not mean give her up! I would never. EVER. I meant, give up , as in just can't take anymore. I am overwhelmed.

the counseling was as recent as 6 months ago.

she does not have a father in her life, but has a great grandfather who thinks the world of my children and is a great role model.

I have greatly considered that she is doing this for attention. Because a lot of times she makes comments like " you love ( siblings name ) more than me. " " i wish you and I could do more things, just you and me"

I don't think I show favoritism, but her sibling is still a toddler and is very dependant on me in more ways.

I am going to try to make my daughter realize just how special she is to me and how loved she is and see if that helps matters at all. If it does, I am going to guess that she is reaching out in any way possible. She was an only child for 5 and a half years so ....

Thanks for all of your advice.

[RockRose]

In rereading your post,  I think this is a desperate struggle to be the center of attention.

It sounds like maybe whole family counseling may be the way to go - she seems to have clearly found a way to grab your focus and hold it for hours and hours on end.  

[RockRose]

mom,  I don't think this is a product of one episode of molestation by a young teenage boy. Kids tend to get over one episode with no problem.

You don't say what your circumstances are,  but you have another child and aren't married - could that man have had an ongoing sexual relationship with her?

Is her biological father mentally ill,  or is there mental illness in his family?

I think many many adult women have experienced a single episode,  or a couple random episodes of sexual inappropriateness in their childhood and they don't act like your daughter is acting.

Best wishes.  

Is there any chance of having her father in her life?  She may be desperately seeking attention.  

[AnnieBrooke]

If you took her to counseling at, what, age 6? maybe things were OK enough then, but now there has been some time passed and possibly more has surfaced.  Have you taken her to counseling recently?

What do you mean "I don't want to give up on her?"  Do you mean, give her up?  I would certainly get her back into counseling and see if that helps, before you try anything like that.

Go along the first time, even if it is to her (children's) therapist, and see if possibly you need someone to talk to also.

Good luck, get her in soon.