Hi there. I'm so sorry you are having a rough time with your boy. My son has had some really low points too and it hurts a mothers heart like nothing else.
Why do you believe your son has ocd? And when you say he has autistic traits, has he been evaluated? what kinds of things does he do?
My son has sensory integration disorder which can also look like autism with some kis AND ocd. Being very particular can be a coping mechanism. (google sensory processing disorder if you care to see what it is and add to things to think about). My son spins all the time and never gets dizzy and things like that. Sensory can cause speech issues similar to what you see in autism and in fact, some sensory kids will have full apraxia.
Anyway, because my son is 'different' and had some very rough early years because of it---- he will have sruggles now with self esteem. We work really hard on this. I actually just this week put on med help a list of confidence builders for kids. We address root causes for his struggles to help him along and then do many things to build him up. We give him opportunities to shine.
Where can you give an opportunity for your son to shine. Emphasize the positve and minimize the negative. Whatever he his good at, pursue like crazy. Don't give false compliments to him but think about what you say and make it authentic and meaningful.
Our school has a terrific counselor and we use her as a resource all the time. I've contacted her about many things. Once my son told me that he feels like he is alone in class even though there are people all around him. (hard to hear). He said he was being ignored. I volunteered in class and did notice this (painful). I talked to his teacher and counselor. They made some easy class changes---- instead of kids picking their own partners, the teacher drew sticks with names on it and partnered people up, she gave my son and another boy a project to work on together, the counselor did some self esteem activities with his class (he's 8 as well). Our counselor runs small groups in which they focus on different things and my son has joined a friendship group. He's loving it. So, what does your school offer?
Does your son have peer friendships? How does he do academically? Does he have outside hobbies? (Karate is supposed to be excellent for self esteem) What exactly is he doing that you feel you need to find a diagnosis?