9 yr old Son Severe Behavior ONLY in school

[dorisr79]

My son was diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder and Anxiety when he was 6. He is also Cognitively Impared and has the language processing or maturuty level of a 4 year old. He is in a 3rd grade Emotionally Impared Special Education Class. Ever since he started school in kindergarten he has had behavior problems but it seems to be ONLY in school. There have been times where the teachers and councelors have wanted him out of school so bad that they have had the security gurad drop him off to me at work. If I could use one word for him it would be "Refuses". He refuses to follow directions, he yells, whines, cries (tears and all), roll around on the floor, taunt his peers, draw on the teachers' desk with perm marker, rip paper, and the list goes on and on. He had never done anything extreme like hit or throw things to hurt people and as far as I know my son, he is not evil in any way. At home, he has set boundries and rules to the point where I can give him a look and he will follow directions and listen. At school though, I have NO CLUE what is going on. This has been an ongoing situation since Kinder. I am a single mother and I try to handle as much as I can on top of his discipline but I will admit I haven't been too consistant with him and it's mostly because I try everything I can. e.g. Time outs, privelege removal, toy removal, sitting him at the table or in a chair, spanking and still nothing works. The teacher says this is chosen behavior but if it is chose why doesn't he do what we repeat to him on a constant daily basis? To follow directions, stay on task, be kind to all, to stay in his seat, etc. He can tell you exactly what he needs to do but as soon as he gets to school it's like nothing, like he does't remember. I HAVE NO CLUE. I am at the end of my rope. I have cried a river for my son thru the years and no one has given me a solid answer on what is going on with him at school. Please...help.

[margypops]

You may also want to ask for a re-evaluation of the meds he is on...there could be a cause there .

[specialmom]

Hi.  I kind of skipped through the comments written so excuse me if this is redundant.  But . . . my son has sensory integration disorder which looks very much like adhd.  It involves the nervous system as adhd does and how the brain processes things, responds to stimuli in the enviroment, etc.

My son is also worse at school, at something like a birthday party, at a large family gathering, etc.  The reason why is that if you think of the brain as having lots of gates that hold things back--------- it functions well because of this.  When the enviroment is familar, a child feels like they have more control over their enviroment (as they would at home), and they are comfortable----------- those gates all work fine and the child maintains themselves better.  Enter the school enviroment that 'overwhelms' the system and the gates lift.  The brain is then flooded with things and remembering the rules, controlling the impulses, listening to the teacher, etc. all become quite difficult because so much is going on in the brain.  

Has anyone ever talked to you about sensory issues for your son?  We've seen an occupational therapist for this and it has helped our child tremendously.  Things we do outside of school help keep those gates in place during the school day and then we have things he can do in the classroom that help when they start to lift a bit.  Let me know if you'd like any activity ideas we use.
good luck

[dorisr79]

I have never sat in class with him because I know that if he saw me there he'd do everything he was supposed to do. So once the teacher recorded him with a hidden camera and I could not believe my eyes. He was acting in a way that I have never seen before. It was like I was actually looking a someone else's child. I just don't have any clue what else I could do. I sometimes wish he had a condition in which he could have an exact treatment for it, but he doesn't and this is where I am concerned. :(

[benjimom]

One teacher explained tome, sometimes at home our demands are less than that of the schools, so that is why we often see more refusals and extreme behaviors in school.  Might not be a bad idea to see firsthand what is happening at teh school, of course, if the child knows you are there, he might act differently.

[jdtm]

I know this would be difficult - but have you ever sat in on your son's class and "saw" what actually is occurring?  Sometimes, it can be a simple thing which "upsets" our children.  Just wondering ....

[dorisr79]

he is currently on Concerta 36mg, Ritalin 10mg, Zoloft and Fish Oil. The Special Ed class he attends has 2 teachers and a dedicated Social Worker. He also receives Occ Therapy Sensory room and Speech Therapy. He is the best reader in his class and academically is doing well. The problem is the refusal of the work. It just doesnt get done because he gets in a pissy mood where he doesn't want to follow directions and throws a fit then the teacher calls. When they tell me the things he does it's like I'm hearing about someone else's child because I never see those kind of behaviors at home.

[benjimom]

If he has language processing isssues, is it possible, he does not understand what is expected of him. IN a large environment it might harder to take it all in and it's more distracting with other students around. Does he have his own aide?

[benjimom]

I'm a single mom too, so please, try not to beat yourself up. YOu have a special needs child, so remember it is harder for you.  I'm wondering too if the school expectaions are just too much for him.  I've had issues with my son and teh teachers always tell me they do better on a 1:1 basis, school is harder and there are bigger expecations than there are at home.  If he's in third grade, but only functioning as a 4 year old, there's a huge gap between his grade level and his abilities.  I wonder if it is too much for him and he gets frustrated and then it goes into the behaviors you mention above.

[jdtm]

If I could use one word for him it would be "Refuses". --  your words


I wonder if the one word for him should be "can't" - I doubt if it is "chosen behaviour" to quote the teacher.  Seriously, from your description, it appears that your son is not ready for school, in what I assume to be the public system even though he is in a "special class".  Has anyone ever suggested an alternate form of education for your son?

Not to upset you but is he on any medication?  Sometimes our kids require "chemical" help in order for them to function.  Perhaps some other person on this board might have more insight into this issue - hope so ....