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91/2 yr old son wont sleep in his bed
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91/2 yr old son wont sleep in his bed

My son will simply not sleep in his bed.  He wants to sleep on the couch or in my bed.  Last night he slept on the floor by my bed because I told him he could not sleep with me.  He tries to go to sleep in his bed, but during the day makes comments about not being able to and fearing that he will not be able to sleep in his bed.  I have reasoned with him, taught him relaxing techniques, begged, threatened and even pleaded for him to just stop...the other night I sat in a chair in his room, and within 5 minutes he was asleep.  Last night I laid in his bed for 15 minutes or so but he still did not fall asleep.  I am at a loss, if he sleeps in my bed or on the couch he sleeps fine...but he will not (can not?) sleep in his own bed in his own room?  And he gets himself so worked up about this that it affects him during the day...he gets sad when he thinks about it and gets bummed out.   We had him on Concerta for ADD for about a year with no problems,  but then we took him off of it because he would start to cry for no reason and and had started having sleep problems...he would not get to sleep until 2-3 in the morning, but would sleep in his bed...after we took him off the meds, he started sleeping good for about 5 weeks...now he wont sleep in his bed at all!!!  Help!!!
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Avatar_n_tn
My nine-year old daughter has always slept with me. She gets a better sleep and so do I. If she wakes up with a nightmare she goes right back to sleep because I am right there beside her and I don't have to get out of bed. I think it's just natural for most kids to not be able to sleep alone. Don't worry about pressure from other people. They don't have your child.
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635583_tn?1222782896
Just got back from my Grandsons doctor.   While there, my daughter asked the question posted here, His replay was that the cuttoff age for sleeping with the mother or parents is about 6 years old.

The child should be put into his/her own bed.  IF THEY FUSS, a parent should setup a sleeping blanket or a cott next to the childs bed, to assure them that they are safe and when they fall asleep, the parents should go back to their own room.  He stated that, this usually will go on for only a week or two.  By then the child should feel safe sleeping in their own room.  Once in a while you may have to repeat this only if the child is scared or having bad dreams.

So there you are girls.   Time to break that apron string and let you child grow up

BTW:  His doctor has 6 kids of his own.
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Avatar_n_tn
you should give him a dream catcher.
native americans believed that dream catchers would catch bad dreams if he has bad dreams. but if he just cant sleep, give him a night light and tell him that you are going to be right in the next room. leave his door open with a hallway light on.  refuse to sleep with him and tell him that he is old enough to sleep alone.   tell him that his friends probably sleep alone and he is going to be like a bull in a china shop if he doesnt sleep alone.
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Avatar_n_tn
I have an 8 yr old that has slept in our bed since she was 3, we also have a bed in our room that I try to get her to sleep in.  At 8 though my main concern (besides my lack of sleep when she is in our bed) is that by her sleeping with us that it is fostering co-dependence.  What I mean by that is that when she gets older, teenage or young adult, she might not be able to function on her own.  I know a lady that her daughter slept in the parents room until they were 9 and when they "grew up" they had a hard time adjusting to adult life such as keeping a job etc.  I won't even tell anyone I know personally that this is still going on so I don't have to deal with what people think.  Do you have any concerns like that?
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Avatar_f_tn
My husband is from India, and they slept together as a family.  I remember crawling dowing the hall wanting to be next to my mom and sleeping next to her bed. We both are highly educated and have excellent jobs.
My 9 year old son slept with me every night in my bed until he started school at 6.  Then we went to okay on the weekends.   Now, it is the same every night- He still goes to sleep with me every night, whether his room or mine (I will move him over after he is asleep). But  I talk to him about his day and we talk about something positive before going to sleep.  He sometimes comes in to my room around 4 or 5 in the morning and crawls in at the foot.  My 3 year old sleeps with me now too.  We will do the same thing.  Eventually they will grow out of it.  They are only young once; so, enjoy them.  One day they won't want anything to do with you- they will want their privacy!  Just because they sleep with you doesnt make them codependent.  Make sure they are dependent in every other way, and go ahead and snuggle a bit at night.  They will be fine!  
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1603628_tn?1297743558
I would see what is bothering him about his own bed it could have been a nightmare or something else that is bothering him find out what it is spacificly that bothers him about his own bed. Once you figure that out then you can find out a soloution. Try asking him but not when its bedtime, bedtime scares him by the sound of it. its not going to be easy but stick with it and never get angry at him. it might be as simple as you have to check the closet and under the bed, or have a night light. but its not always that simple.. it might be more complex then that but you will never know untill you ask him what bothers him about his bed.
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Avatar_f_tn
I love the idea of the family bed.  When I was raising my children over 30 years ago, there was a wonderful book with that title - The Family Bed.  My children slept with us whenever they needed to or they slept together.  We have two girls and one son.  At one point, when they were very young, they all slept together in one double bed and loved it!  They outgrow it soon enough and become normal, well-adjusted adults....my children are 35, 32 and 30, all well educated and well adjusted.  My husband and I look back on those days as the best days of our lives...The family bed is a wonderful thing.
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Avatar_m_tn
i have the same problem well for me its a problem my daughter has been sleeping with me since she was born now i have a fiance and when i talk to my daughtyer about sleeping alone she freeks out and my fiance wants me in bed with him help?
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535822_tn?1389452880
How old is your daughter? The problem here lies in the fact that you BF is not your childs father so its a bit different , and although like others here I agree the family bed is okay its difficult when a 'stranger ' comes along .for me I wouldn't do it, You have to get your daughter a bed /room of her own and maybe coax her in to staying there to sleep, it may take a little longer but it can be done .Make the room exciting for her, again you didnt tell us the age but nice decoration, nice bed, positive encouragement, books, perhaps a night light . Reading happy stories before she sleeps , music ..if the bf is going to be long term after a while he could read stories to her making you all a unit.
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