DIAR NEED OF HELP! FOR 6 YR OLD SON

[MOMSTILLTRYING]

I AM AT A LOSS!!  A HAVE A BEAUTIFUL AND LOVING SON THAT I ADORE. . . BUT HE HAS SOME VERY SERIOUS AND CONCERNING ISSUES THAT I CAN NOT GET TO THE BOTTOM OF. . . THOUSAND OF DOLLARS LATER!!  ALEX IS SWEET AND LOVING AT HOME AND HAS NORMAL LITTLE DEFIANCE ISSUES THAT KIDS DO.  HE DOES HIS CHORES, LOVES HIS DOG, LOVES US. . . BUT WHEN HE IS AWAY FROM HOME. . . ALL HECK BREAKS LOOSE!!!  IN SCHOOL, AND AFTER SCHOOL AND ON THE BUS. . . HE WILL KICK, HIT, BITE, SPIT, THROW ANYTHING HE CAN GET HIS HANDS ON (INCLUDING LITTLE CHAIRS) PUSH, CURSE, SAY MEAN THINGS.. . . YOU NAME IT, HE'S DONE IT!  :(  DURRING THE SUMMER HE VISITS MY FATHER IN MONTANA, WHILE THERE HE HAS SAID SOME VERY DISTURBING THINGS.  1)  (WHEN TALKING TO MY SISTER. . . IN A VERY CALM AND SWEET VOICE SAID) "IF I KILLED GRANDMA AND GRANDPA, WOULD THAT MEAN IT WOULD BE JUST YOU AND ME?"  2)  THEY WERE IN  A RESTAURANT AND MY SISTER TOLD HIM TO STOP PLAYING WITH THE ICE CUBES. . .HE PICKED UP A FORK AND SAID "I COULD STAB YOU IN THE FACE WITH THIS"  3)  "I WOULD RATHER DIE, THAN GO BACK TO SCHOOL (THIS ONE HE WAS ACTUALLY THROWING A LITTLE FIT ON)  4)  WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE CUT THE DOGS TOUNGE OFF"  

SCARY STUFF!!!!  WHAT THE HECK!!

PRIOR TO THIS LAST YEAR, ALEX WAS PRETTY EVEN KEAL, AND HAPPY.  HOWEVER, THERE WERE A FEW WIERD COMMENTS HE HAD MADE WHEN HE WAS 3.  LIKE  HE WAS TALKING TO THE PUPPY  "I WISH YOU WOULD DIE SO YOU COULD GO TO HEAVEN WITH MY NANA"  (THIS WAS AFTER HIS GRANDMA DIED")  HE WOULD ALSO THROW TEMPER TANTRUMS (RARELY)

HE HAS EXPERIENCED SOME TRUAMATIZING THINGS IN HIS SHORT LITTLE LIFE, SUCH AS THE ABSENCE OF HIS FATHER SINCE LAST YEAR, MOVING OUT OF STATE, HAVING TO START SCHOOL.  

WE HAVE BEEN TO COUNTLESS PSYCHOLOGIST, AND PSYCHIATRIST TRYING TO GET ANSWERS. . . BUT NO TWO DOCTORS WILL GIVE ME THE SAME DIAGNOSIS, OR EVEN A CONFIRMED DIAGNOSIS AT THAT.  HE WAS ON TENNEX, WHICH SEEMED TO HELP A LITTLE. . . BUT MY FATHER TOOK HIM OFF OF IT WHEN HE WENT UP THERE.  

HOW DO I FIGURE OUT WHAT IS REALLY WRONG WITH HIM?  FOR ALL I KNOW HE IS ALLERGIC TO SOMETHING, OR IS LACKING SOMETHING IN HIS DIET. . .  BUT HOW DO I EVEN FIGURE THAT OUT?  IF ANYONE HAS BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD, PLEASE HELP!  I WOULD GREATLY APPRICIATE IT !!!  THANK YOU IN ADVANCE.

HE IS FAR BEYOND HIS OWN GRADE LEVEL, AND THE SCHOOL IS WANTING TO TEST HIS IQ.

[Shalinar]

I'm raising a defiant little Grandson also with many of your son's issues.  I'm just wondering if you've ever heard of "Seperation Anxiety"?  I'm no doctor but ended up doing lots of reading on it.  His mother is a meth addict and has gone in and out of prison for the past two years.  He also has four mental health disorders on top of that.
The medication is for his little brain to be able to try to focus and is not fair to the little guy for anyone to stop it but a doctor.  It could cause other problems by stopping it abruptly.  Mine also says he's going to kill me and hates me when I tell him no usually.  Yes, it hurts but I consider the pain he's in when he says these things.  I am still human though.....thats what tears are for!  
Best of luck to you, hang in there!

[BS65]

I was also curious about whether or not he may be watching TV shows or movies that could be violent. How much time does he spend away from you and who is taking care of him when he is gone? When he is away you should try very hard to make sure he is not exposed to things that are inappropriate for him to see or hear. And remember that a 6 year old is not oblivious to what is going on around them. They do see and hear a lot more than you know.

[Liza55]

First, I'm not sure what boundaries you set w/ your dad allowing him to decide to take your son off medication (it actually could've been dangerous). Talk to your MD about getting him back on it. You may also explore help thru homeopathic or naturalists practioners (you'd have to search internet for your area). I agree that how he talks and thinks of such violence and harm is not normal. Kudos for trying several dr's, and sorry they haven't been able to help. Don't give up, though. Part of finding the right dr. like anything is trying out a few. What does his school (teacher or counselor) think of what you've told them? Hang in there....

[jd1419]

Two things that you said could be the cause, His grandfather should not have taken him off the midication with out doctor approval.  Secondly if he is behind in school--he needs to have a remedial program or special programs to help him keep up.  He may have a learning disability and that is what is making him act out at school--if he misbehaves at school it will take their eyes off his school work and try to discipline him.  He needs to have some testing done just to see why he is behind...if he gets help with what he is struggling with it may help his behavior at school when he feels that he is on the same ground as everyone else.  As for his comments--my oldest boy has said somestuff like this----sometimes I try to ignore the comments other times I will put him in time out or another form of discipline.  I think sometimes they learn these behaviors from TV Shows and other things they see....it doesn't even need to be at the same time--it could be two different episodes and then thye relate them in their minds and come up with this violent talk.

As for telling the dog about his wish for him to die to be with Nana that could be realy innocent in the fact he doesn't understand death and thinks his grandma needs the puppy to keep her company...as long as he didn't do anything about it--your okay there.  My son has a hard time understanding death of why people go in the ground but then god comes and gets them.  So we are working on those things to help with understanding.  Good Luck on you Challenge