Anger in my six year old

[Jaymabry]

My son is six and generally pretty easy going, he does have ADHD and takes vyvanse for it.  He is pretty shy at school and tends to be extremely literal.  He can be somewhat rigid about when you say certain things are going to happen.   Ut the biggest problem I have is that he will have very loud angry outbursts and usually there is a perceived event to cause the outburst but not always.  He screeches at the top of his lungs, hits me, kicks me and throws things.  The outburst rarely lasts more than five minutes and he is always sorry about it.  These really seemed to get bad when his father figure left us in January.  I have tried to just calmly remove him from wherever we are and get him to stop.  This happened tonight at his baseball practice, and he loves playing.  I am not sure what to do?  I am so embarrassed for him and am worried the kids there won't want anything to do with him now and I have no idea how to help him.  It makes me so sad to see him so angry.  Is there anything I can do?

[specialmom]

Hi.  My son has sensory integration disorder and we had outbursts as well.  We've pretty much solved the problem about 99% of the time.  There is a part of the nervous system called "regulation" or "modulation".  This is the area that controls our emotions.  A child that goes from 0 to 10 in anger or can't calm down when upset or has a reaction disproportionate to the event is often having trouble with modulation.  Most kids really do feel terrible when this happens.  They are out of control and they know it and they hate it as much as we do.  It is important to remember that as we try to solve the problem.  One thing you can try is the stress thermometer.  We do this with my son who is 6.5 and in 1st grade.  It has worked fantastic for heading off the outbursts.  


So get a piece of paper and draw a traditional thermometer------- you know, a ball on the bottom and then straight up.  He will color the bottom portion green.  This is when he feels good and things are "just right".  He's happy or content.  The next portion up he will color yellow.  This is where he is getting agitated, a little upset and you can see some physical changes in him.  The next portion is orange.  This is mad and you know it.  He's crying, his voice is really loud, maybe yelling, he's clearly about to blow.  And the last section is red.  This is the full out meltdown with the kicking and screaming and shouting.  So then at each step, you and he talk about what he feels like.  Make your own observations as well.  At green he is probably using a regular voice, maybe smiling, relaxed.  At yellow his voice gets a little louder and speaking speeds up, he may be squinting his eyes a little, hands may stiffen, body not relaxed, breathing faster.  Then at orange and red-------- what his body and face and voice are doing then.  Talk about it and write it to the side of the thermometer so that you have how he looks and feels at each stage of the thermometer.  Then----------  the goal is to recognize as he is moving up on the anger scale.  As he leaves just right and becomes yellow/agitated------  his realization of that will stop him from going to orange or red.  So you will have things he can do at each stage to bring himself back to green or just right.  Ideas of things he can do---------  go to a calm down/cool down spot.  My son does this and it is a place he can go to self calm and gather himself.  A pop tent is good, under a table, in a bean bag chair------ my son goes behind a chair where we have some pillows.  No one bothers him when he is in his cool down spot and it may take 5 or 10 minutes for him to gather himself together.  Even in a classroom, you can have a cool down spot.  We talk before we go to a family event where his cool down spot will be so he can just go there if he needs to.  Other things-------- using words calmly to explain his feelings or the problem, counting to 10 slowly, opening and closing his fists tightly, chewing a thick piece of bubble gum (very soothing to the nervous system), square breathing (breathe in for 4, hold 4, breath out for 4, hold 4 and repeat).  All of these things are known for calming.  He can try different ones and be part of the planning of what to do when he is leaving the "just right" or green part of the thermometer.

At first you can help him along---------- as you are aware that he is getting upset because you've talked about the signs of it-------  you could say "oh, you look like you are getting a little yellow.  What can we do to get back to green?"  Then offer him an idea from the list to try.  This really slows down the process.  And that is a good goal.  When kids start thinking it slows the reaction and that is what you want.  My son rarely needs any prompts anymore as he is motivated to feel "just right".  

Also, as you say certain things proceed it.  Start a log of what those are.  See if there is a pattern and problem solve about it.  

Sensory integration disorder and adhd are very similar and both affect the nervous system.  They are often confused for one another.  Some kids have both. You can try a couple of sensory strategies with your son and see if it helps.  You can google "heavy work" and sensory integration disorder to get a list of things to do.  It is mainly physical activity type of stuff.  My son swims (deep pressure and muscle work), we go to parks and run like crazy, climb, jump, do the monkey bars, roll down hills and run back up, swing.  He rides his bike and scooter.  He does crab walks and wheel barrow walks.  And these things really soothe his nervous system overall and help him with modulation/regulation.  He stays calmer overall when he has a lot of these activities throughout the week.  

I wish you lots of luck.  It is hard work being a parent!!

[margypops]

I have heard many times that children are aggressive when they take drugs for ADHDI have heard about Adderal, and aggression, it may be a good idea to ask the Doctor about the dosage or changing the med. I would also suggest that you google Vyanse and put in side effects , you will learn some more that way .The behavior may not change whilst he on this drug speak to the Doctor about it ...Good Luck