help please

[lost0824]

my 8yr old son is out of control. he steals,lies, hits sisters and peers at school, has whispered to 3yr old iwill kill you, told he will f grow up to be a killer, recently peed on 2yr old sisters face and he thought  it was funny. he has been in counselling and on medicine. he also vandalized a house, set fire to bathtub. he will tell us he knows he is doing wrong but does not care. his counselor said it seems he doesn't have a conscience. what can we do for him? we are desperate.

[fthkp1]

Sounds like ODD/CO (not a doctor, but what I've read).  These sort of kids can be taught to control there impulses (hopefully) and these kids need help sooner than later.  Honestly a counselor or therapist or anything can be helpful.  Its not about labeling your son, its about getting someone to help you understand how to help him, or to at least listen to you about his problems.  

Can you understand, if he is acting out for any particular reason?  Has he been doing this   his whole life?  I know very scary.  Kids these days seem to have more problems than we used to.  I don't like labels either (my 3-year is going to a counselor) and I think kids act out for other reasons that what the doctors necessarily label them, but I do think that the doctors can help you come up with plans to help him.  I hope things get better.

[CJC098]

Wow, I really feel for you.  That is very disturbing and, as a mother also, i am sure you are beside yourself with not knowing what else to do.  I would take the suggestion of your pediatrician, after he knows all the facts, including the fact that the treatment he is in now on is not effective. Although it is difficult to be away from your child, perhaps requesting an inpatient consultation at a psychiatric hospital would be warranted and in the best interest of your son and hopefully be beneficial to your son, you and your family. I wish you the best of luck in this very difficult situation.  CJC

[LRM1021]

I realize I have a typo above. I meant to write the following,"... he is in therapy and on medication and still behaving in this very dangerous way,  then I would say that the treatment he is receiving is NOT being effective." Sorry.

[SL345]

It does sound very concerning. It's hard to know what to say about this in a post because it is so serious and no doubt a complicated situation. Besides finding professionals who can work with you and your child - either in or outside of the home - you need to educate yourself about the nature of your son's difficulties. Although this is not meant as a solution, there is an excellent book about kids who lack remorse and who are headed for a life of antisocial behavior that you should read, "Before It's Too Late: Why Some Kids Get Into Trouble--and What Parents Can Do About It" by Stanton Samenow. Good luck.

[LRM1021]

I feel for you.
The situation you are describing is very, very serious. Your son is in desperate need of help, because he is a danger to himself and others -- setting fires and urinating on people  and threatening to kill people.

If he is in therapy and on medication and still behaving in this very dangerous way,  then I would say that the treatment he is receiving is being effective.

Since he is dangerous, I actually suggest that you try to find an inpatient hospital program that will take him, for a very thorough evaluation and medical assessment in a controllled environment, where you can be sure that he will not be a danger to himself or anyone else until such time that an EFFECTIVE treatment plan can be developed for him. He needs intense help and supervision until such time that he can be released for outpatient treatment.

This may sound extreme, but I have talked to several parents who have taken this action, and they believe it was the turning point for their families. I think when you have a child that is in danger like the one you are describing, you need to take extreme measures to protect the child.