Behavior issues with 10 year old

[KarenSP]

My niece is a good kid but has a few issues. She doesn't throw fits or anything violent just does a few things that are driving her patents to writs end. She has stolen three times, lies and bullies her classmates. Her parents  have disciplined and it doesn't work. When asked why she does these things she says she doesn't know. She will go up to her teachers desk for help and steal something off her desk. Her teacher has a drawer full of things she has bullied kids to bring to school for her, such as gum etc. In the morning she does the same chores every day, and still will say she has done them when she has not. When her mom drops her off at school she will turn around and leave.

If you would talk to her you would say wow what a good kid. It's like she doesn't know how to not do these things. Her parents say, these are things to expect from a middle or high school kid, not a third grader.

I am a aunt trying to help. She is a wonderful child we all love and has a very loving family with educated  parents. She was adopted at a year and a half but does not show signs of RAD. They have tried counseling but that too doesn't seem to help.

Someone please help this dear family.

[AnnieBrooke]

My cousin adopted a child from Kazakhstan who had been left in a crib until age 1 (did not even know how to sit up) and although he had been fed and kept clean, had never been handled much (nobody would come if he cried, for example, unless he was hurt).  She went to a special camp with him when he was 8 or 9, and they have done intensive work with therapists who are well versed in RAD.  It's not just "going to counseling," someone has to do big, heavy work.  My cousin's son said to her, "Why am I always so mad?" and believe me, that was a milestone.  It was hard on her, her husband, the son of course, and also his big sister, who was not adopted and felt like all the attention in the family went to this negative, problematic child and none to her.

I would encourage the family to keep looking to find a better counselor and for one parent or the other to find an intensive camp or other resource to go to with the child.  It helped my cousin so much to hear someone say it wasn't her fault, and to meet other moms dealing with the same issues, and it helped her son to meet other kids with similar issues.

[RockRose]

Karen,  those are all signs of RAD.  

Stealing,  lying,  bullying,  defying authority by walking off campus after being dropped off are all signs of RAD,  which is basically that she doesn't feel like she belongs anywhere and has no stake in the community or family.

I don't know how to help - some kids do seem to heal somewhat - but socializing a child who was unconnected socially from birth to 18 months is like building a house on a pile of sand.  There's just no foundation.