My oldest daughter can be the most charming of kids - precocious, friendly, thoughtful, has lots of friends and sleep-overs. But, we see her with friends at times and it's disturbing to myself and my wife.
She's very bossy, controlling, discouraging, demanding and wants to hear that she's the best all the time. She can be the best big sister at times, but other times can do exactly the opposite. It comes across as a lack of confidence. Or a compensation for lack of control in her life somewhere else.
We are involved parents, we have her do a home math program that is demanding (1 hour a day), we sign her up for soccer, swimming, chess club. I mention these because sometimes she wants them and sometimes she doesn't. But she gets to veto as often as we do it seems.
We talk openly with her and don't treat her as a little kid. We try to empower her when we can. We are a little restrictive (other friends of her's have a phone but she doesn't), but not as restrictive as some. We try to be consistent and we do have expectations.
I'm wondering two things -
1) - It seems likely we've contributed to this, what could we have done to make her feel the need to act this way?
2) What can we do to help her not feel this way?