child is upset with me (preschool teacher)

[Kristin08]

I'm a assistant teacher working with 3 year olds. There is one child in my class that seems to be upset with me. It started a few weeks ago. He'd come over to me, push me and tell me to go away. He yells at me or doesn't listen when I tell him something. I can't think of any reason I would have given him to be so upset about. Today he told me, that he doesn't like me. I told him, that it hurts my feelings, when he says that and asked him what I did, that he ist so angry about. He just said, that he is upset. My coworkers sat right next to me, but didn't say a word, which made me feel even worse. I wish they would have said something too, so that he knows that there are other people besides me who don't tolerate his behavior.Nobody else seems to have problems with him. What can I do or what would be the best way to solve the problem? I really feel terrible, especially because I don't know why he is behaving like that. Please help!

Thank you

Kristin

[Kristin08]

@ margipops
I don't think that he isn't getting enough attention. He is very cute and funny, because of that everybody adores him. He is like the "classroom clown". Because of that he's getting away with a lot of stuff too.

@Rock Rose
I work with the lead teacher and 1-2 other coworkers every day. So most of the time we have 4 staff in our classroom. He doesn't do it with the other teachers.

He's been in our class for almost a year and I never had any problems with him. He started this behavior about 5 weeks ago. First it wasn't that bad, but now he's really "picking" on me. I treat him just like the other children. I talk to him nicely, ask him about his weekends or invite him to play etc. When he fell outside and I asked him if he was okay, he said: "Don't talk to me Miss Kristin" Sometimes he answers me back in a normal way but in the next minute he tries to push me away again and tells me to go out of the room.  I tried to ignore his behavior, I'd tell him to stop and then turn around and leave instead of arguing with him. But that doesn't seem to help. I feel helpless and think I may have failed as a teacher, but yet don't know how to regain his respect and trust.
He is moving up pretty soon, so I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

Thank you for your answers

[karen717]

Hi, I am an elementary school teacher. I agree with tiredbuthappy. Wonderful suggestions. He may have misplaced anger. He may show his anger to you about something totally unrelated and just picked you to take it out on. For example, if he is very upset with mom about something, he knows better than to show her so he feels he can safely take it out on you. I know this doesn't help except to maybe make us think about what some of these kids go through. I also agree that the teacher did the right thing by not butting in. If she did, you would never gain this child's trust or respect. it must come through you. It took me a very long time to realize that not everyone, including not all children, will like me. That hurt my feelings. I thought everyone should like me. I understand your problem though that he needs to listen to you. He may like the confrontation with you no matter how mild. He is probably feeding on it. If you do not allow him to drag you in, he will likely change toward you. I know from experience that all this is easier said than done. Best of luck.


  

[margypops]

Sorry about the Spellings Its this confounded Keyboard!!!!PS  I think it was right your CoWorker stayed out of it.

[margypops]

What is your Normal Daily interaction with him, is it possible because he is a bit"rude" he doesnt get as much postive feedback as the other Children. How about you pay hime some poseitve attention and  some extra time, if you play games make sure he is included as he may be feeling left out, When he yells at you what is it about what was happening prior to the yelling? You are the Teacher there probably is a way to win him round, it would feel good woulnt it when he shows he like you, work on it.

[tiredbuthappy]

i worked with a fantastic teacher who used to say "you don't have to like me, but you do have to respect me." by questioning him and by taking it personally, you are feeding the behavior.

don't get sucked in to the discussion. if he says it to you again, either say what my coworker did. or you can say "i'm sorry to hear that. let me know if there's anything i can do to help you feel better." and leave it at that.

you may want to take subtle measures to regain his trust. start playing something he loves, and casually invite him. if he tends to avoid you, engage other children in a game. if he is within earshot, say to the others "i wonder if ____ wants to join us. Would anyone like to invite him?" keep it simple and nonthreatening.

of course, he must listen to you. if it comes down to him refusing, do not make it personal by saying "you must listen to me" or "i want you to clean up." focus on the rules and the reasons instead. "you must follow the safety rules" "we must keep everyone safe" "the class is leaving so you need to join your friends"

[RockRose]

When you say you're an "assistant" teacher,  does that mean you work directly with the head teacher in the class?  I wonder if this child is bonded to the teacher,  and kind of resents your presence because it takes attention of the teacher away from him?

Have you talked to his mom?  Maybe you remind him of someone he doesn't get along with.