My 8 year old is sending me over the edge

[aliandbob]

My son has always been very cuddly and needing to know that we are around at night time
Over the last 6 months things have got really bad
At first he was wanting toys removed that scared him   then he wanted someone to stay with him as he saw moving shadows   then someone had to sleep with him  and it has progressed now to always at some point during the night coming into my bed after being put to sleep in the spare room with one of us lying with him to get him off to sleep
I have tried the crying technique   I have tried the bribery   I have tried the threats  the no to games and telly    I have tried cds dvds even medicine to try to get him to sleep
He ends up nearly every night in a state of panic when left alone and gets hysterical but in an almost possessed sort of way and the next day remembers nothing of the episodes   peoples advice have been let him cry it out and to not be too soft but believe me i have tried so many different things including the doctor who seemed to think i should get my relationship on an even keel before trying to sort out my childs sleep problems    the only relationship problems i have with my partner are to do with no sleep and stress by my childs poor sleeping


how my child survives on about 5 hours solid sleep i do not know    as soon as you leave his side  to escape him in the middle of the night he is by your side   looking scared and bewildered    his schooling is great   his learning is fine   his friends like him and he is a fun happy child during the day    he embarrassed to talk about the night activities  but a soon as i mention going to bed it is like a switch over to a devil child that is making our lives hell
i cant remember the last time i went to bed and had a good nights sleep next to my partner with a child in between us

Any suggestions

[jac918]

this sounds like night terrors, my older son had them when he was young. he doesnt remember waking up, because hes not awake. my suggestion to you, is, dont lay in bed with him while putting him to bed if thats what your doing, sit next to his bed and gradually move farther and farther away from the bed over time. he senses when your right there laying next to him, that is why when your not, he feels it.  or when you get up, put pillows there as if you were still there. he may not get that sense that your not there, a tv on a very boring station left on and turned down with a white towel over the front of it helped too. leave the tv on through out the night. as he gets more comfortable falling asleep, and staying asleep then you can start turning off the tv after you leave the room.  it worked for me.  hope it helps.  i know how exhausting this can be.

[babygirl6152]

I agree/ wait on the eds if possiblebut if it was prescribed I wouldn't be a bit scared to use it----just want to point out anything like phenergan that makes you sleep a bit "Harder" always gives me nightmares- and hangover effect the next morning- but I myself love a deep sleep and would prefer a long night even with the nightmares but need those extra hours to sleep off the effects/

sounds like you all are going forward- YAYYYY

[aliandbob]

thanks for your input  i was a bit confused but reading your secone post comment makes it a bit clearer

he has gone to bed tonight with no one in out spare room whilst i did my ironing in there but at least no one haed to sleep by him   lets see how long it is before he realises we are in a different room

my other step is i have purchased some phenergan which has been suggested to try to get him into a sleep pattern at night but i will not use that one until i feel i have to as it is a mild sedative

[babygirl6152]

sounds odd rereading my own post- I was a single mom from the time my boys were 17 + 4---yes I remarried when the boy was about 10

[babygirl6152]

I Sent you a short note but rereading this I see another possibility- he has learned to get a reaction from you and he gets it- it's almost like telling a child they can't have something in the store and if they scream hard enough they get it anyway......

I know it's hard- I am mot concerned for you- so if it helps I am just an outsider to chat with- write me every day if you'd like and just sorta journal thru me and tell me what you try---- age 8 is old enough to obey but honestly I see he has always wanted you close at nighttime... my husband would not allow children in the room and I didn't mind it so I think that is what your pediatrician was suggesting is that you two compromise to a point you two can both live with and then follow thru with one thing- and here is the hard part- try it for 90 days- even if it is letting him sleep in your room on a mattress on the floor, then into the hallway after that 90 days- we could brainstorm all day but I think he just wants you- I like to sleep with someone-
other ideas: get him a dog- I am ashamed to admit it but my son was almost 8 when I refused to let him back into my bed and I got him a cute shihtsu puppy and they sleep together still-  my son is almost 17- believe it or not this big old teenager still likes me to sit in bed with him and we read separate books for maybe 10 minutes every night talk about our days, pray then I hug him goodnite.

You could try one huge reward for a month of staying in bed- like 50$ or something or a trip- I know it's bribery- reward sounds better-  it will give you your relationship back with your husband though

[aliandbob]

once he does go to sleep he is flat out for a short while then he seems to get disturbed but whilst he is going to sleep he continuosly wriggles and tries to feel for the person next to him with his hand or foot   when he does wake sometimes he just wakes and walks into our room but most of the time he is already asleep with someone next to him   if you sneak out and he wakes he just wakes up quietly

it is when he is driftng of on his own in his own room when the real problems are he screams and says the shadows and noises have frightened him and his eyes are that of someone in mid trance  and to not remember the next morning worries me

[babygirl6152]

when I was pregnant I had apnea- and I would wake in a panic- if I could wake- the feeling was as if I could not breathe but I knew I had to breathe- and in my dream it was impossible- my obstetrician told me to take a decongestant mid afternoon and it never happened again- just wondering if that could be it and he can't verbalize it- does he still have adenoids and tonsils? and troubles there? Does he sleep soundly?