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4 & 6 year old playing "house"
Recently my children have been informed of EXACTLY what sex is by an older child. Shortly after that, I found my kids trying it! Imagine my horror. I truly believe they were just curious, and playing, but can't figure out what to do. I tried to make a psycologist appt, but they said I have to go thru social services. That is just too scary! We have since increased privacy in our home, and talked about secrets and touching. I am afraid that there may be past abuse, but can't imagine when/whom.
Anyway, my question is, is this rare, or is it something people just don't talk about?
Anyway, my question is, is this rare, or is it something people just don't talk about?
Honestly, I don't think they knew what they were doing and just did it out of pure curiosity but you should have a clear discussion on how that stuff isn't okay. I would say scare the crap out of them so they never think of doing it again. A slap on the wrist is for the better here. Also, I would suggest a little more separation for them if possible. Are they sleeping in their own bedrooms now or still sharing a bunk? Make it clear that there are differences between boys and girls and what touching isn't okay.
Funny that this is a topic today when I caught my 7 year old daughter and 9 year old neighbor's daughter playing doctor....the other Mom was very upset and it is not that i am not upset but I realize that it is normal for kids to be curious about their bodies...i have talked to my daughter about what is right and wrong and privacy issues and made sure not to make her think she was being bad or that I was mad at her. My worry is that the other parent blames my child for initiating the behavior......how do I handle that?
First off if you do not have children, then i don't think u can make a judgement to what is "normal" behavior, no matter what you went through as a child. I recently caught and found out information about my 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter touching each other inappropriately. My daughter and son told me everything that had happened and my daughter has told her aunt about it. I had caught them, had the long disscusion about good and bad touch untill we were blue in the face. Then ofcourse we racked our heads to how could he be this sexualized. We have always monitered movies, friends, family, and me and my husbands affection. But decided to be really aware of what is going on and what they see, and hope that it was a one time expierament.
Well my sister then tells me my daughter told her that her brother was trying to touch her. I was shocked and confused. We had the LONG talk, I thought things were understood. So now I am scared. My heart tells me he has seen something and is trying to re-inact it, but why more than once. Did he just not get it? When it is your own sweet child, you don't throw your hands up and say he is a sick molester and not normal. I don't want him to touch his sister or anyone else, but i don't want to label him a molester and think that there is something wrong with him. I would get naked with friends when i was a kid, and kiss friends. I know i am not a molester and i know i was a kid. So do i find out as much info as possible before i tell the state to fix my messed up kid?? I think it is harsh that some people do take this so seriously, most of them have acually been molested is my bet, so they put there own fear in it and they have never had caught there child stretching their sexual curiosity. I am scared put determined to find out as much info as i can, keep a close eye, and have faith that my child is a pure love not pure disgust.
Well my sister then tells me my daughter told her that her brother was trying to touch her. I was shocked and confused. We had the LONG talk, I thought things were understood. So now I am scared. My heart tells me he has seen something and is trying to re-inact it, but why more than once. Did he just not get it? When it is your own sweet child, you don't throw your hands up and say he is a sick molester and not normal. I don't want him to touch his sister or anyone else, but i don't want to label him a molester and think that there is something wrong with him. I would get naked with friends when i was a kid, and kiss friends. I know i am not a molester and i know i was a kid. So do i find out as much info as possible before i tell the state to fix my messed up kid?? I think it is harsh that some people do take this so seriously, most of them have acually been molested is my bet, so they put there own fear in it and they have never had caught there child stretching their sexual curiosity. I am scared put determined to find out as much info as i can, keep a close eye, and have faith that my child is a pure love not pure disgust.
I dont blame you for being afraid of past abuse! I was molested when I was 4. I was in a church/school, the boy was 7. I dont really remember that much. My mom knew because my mucus plug was gone (every little girl has). Anyway she has told me that after that happened to me she caught me doing things i shouldn't have. The doctor told her that what happened woke up my hormones. I just caught my 4 year old son touching his self and I was starting to wonder the same thing. I just know it cant be that with my son because I have never let him out of my sight unless he is with my mom. I am so scared that something might happen to him.
Gosh, I hope no one was implying that I was saying this is normal behavior. If I came across that way, that's not what I intended.
I think these young children were given too much explicit information and were curious about it. What child is not curious about learning things? It's the curiosity that's normal, NOT the behavior and actions.
Plus, I really don't think a 4 and 6 year old can achieve intercourse, even if they try. I don't think it's possible.
In any case, this situation is in no way *normal* behavior. It needs to be evaluated by professionals on so many levels and ensured that it never happens again.
Actually, to be honest, I'm wondering if this post is a troll. Perhaps not, but 12341234 has only made this one post and hasn't shown up since. With a whacked out situation like this, most parents (not all) come back to give an update, or at least acknowledge they appreciate the advice, opinions, or suggestions they got from other posters.
I think these young children were given too much explicit information and were curious about it. What child is not curious about learning things? It's the curiosity that's normal, NOT the behavior and actions.
Plus, I really don't think a 4 and 6 year old can achieve intercourse, even if they try. I don't think it's possible.
In any case, this situation is in no way *normal* behavior. It needs to be evaluated by professionals on so many levels and ensured that it never happens again.
Actually, to be honest, I'm wondering if this post is a troll. Perhaps not, but 12341234 has only made this one post and hasn't shown up since. With a whacked out situation like this, most parents (not all) come back to give an update, or at least acknowledge they appreciate the advice, opinions, or suggestions they got from other posters.
I am sorry that any adult would say this is normal behavior with a child, needs to talk with someone. Normal behavior is I'll show you mine if you show me yours. These children have been taught something, or have seen something they shouldn't have. Maybe you guys would be giving out different advice if one of these kids were doing it to yours. I gotta say my daughters are 5 and 3 and never have they even shown to know what sexual intercourse is. I really hope this parent doesn't just let this go. Heck the psch doc wouldn't even talk to them without social services. CLUE!
explain to them that it is something only grown ups do and they have to be married first then if it becomes an issue then take them to there pediatrician who will know exactly what route to take you shouldn't make a big deal just direct there attention to something else and what ever you do don't tell them they are bad, that is what was in my first post if you would have read it you would know i didnt say to let it go that is adressing the issue please read all before comenting you miss thing if you skip posts
I must say, I am amazed how quickly adults are willing to dismiss this kind of behavior in children. Listen to what happened to a friend of mine. When he and his sister were kids, they found their father's porn tapes. Watched one. Began experimenting with each other. Soon, began experimenting on the neighborhood children as well. Never knew they were doing anything wrong. But it got out of control because it was never addressed by the parents. So 12341234, bravo for taking action. Even though it was out of curiosity, they still need to know that they can't ever do that again. And tiffanylove90, I think you'd be surprised just how much children do remember and how much things from childhood can affect them later on. So an over involved parent is never a bad thing. Don't just let it go.
This is weird. I wish there was a little more info provided.
Like how old is the older child, and is s/he a family member, family friend, neighbor, a student at the children's school? What I'd like to know is, how does this older kid know these young children, and how often is s/he in contact with them?
Secondly, if a 4 and 6 year old were caught by the parent in the act of *trying* sex, as posted, how far along were they into the act? I find it hard to believe that a 4 and 6 year old can actually achieve full sexual intercourse and maintain it.
If they were not having intercourse, but were just attempting, then I'd agree with tiffanylove90 about this situation just being two children who had *waaaay* too much information and they were curious about it, but not exactly achieving anything.
However, this is still a huge concern that needs to be addressed with the children, the older child, a doctor, and a child psychologist. Something like this needs to be ensured in every way that it will never happen again.
Like how old is the older child, and is s/he a family member, family friend, neighbor, a student at the children's school? What I'd like to know is, how does this older kid know these young children, and how often is s/he in contact with them?
Secondly, if a 4 and 6 year old were caught by the parent in the act of *trying* sex, as posted, how far along were they into the act? I find it hard to believe that a 4 and 6 year old can actually achieve full sexual intercourse and maintain it.
If they were not having intercourse, but were just attempting, then I'd agree with tiffanylove90 about this situation just being two children who had *waaaay* too much information and they were curious about it, but not exactly achieving anything.
However, this is still a huge concern that needs to be addressed with the children, the older child, a doctor, and a child psychologist. Something like this needs to be ensured in every way that it will never happen again.
no they didn't say it was the norm for them to have actual sex but i think people make more out things then they should without cause i could be wrong if i am I'm sorry but i would speak with the peds doc before jumping to the conclusion that there is molestation going on and i dont believe that molestation can occur between a four and five year old
I never stated that her kids commited any crime what I did state was that if her children go tell someone else regarding what happened, social services will probably be called.
I am sorry, tiffanylove90 I mean no disrespect, but don't you think there is an issue that a 3 and 4 year old knows what this is or even how it is done??????? I know my 5 year old doesn't know how sex is performed. She knows only how children are born, and that when two people love eachother so much they get married and decide to have children, and she knows where the children come from.
To let this go isn't right, you aren't seeing the bigger picture of what might be happening. Have you ever thought that maybe someone has done something to one of these children (I am not stating the parents did this at all) but it can be a possiblity. I am concerned that the older child could've.
Obviously the psyc doc didn't want to do anything regarding this because he wanted social services called first.
The poster doesn't state if the older child is a family member or a friend. That is my other concern.
Normal is a child showing another child their privates or touching, this is not considered normal and I hope that there is more looking into the older child and how they know what sex involves and WHY this child told a 4 year old.
You know I really am sorry but I can't believe a peds doc told you that two little kids having sex at 4 is norm tiffany?
I am sorry, tiffanylove90 I mean no disrespect, but don't you think there is an issue that a 3 and 4 year old knows what this is or even how it is done??????? I know my 5 year old doesn't know how sex is performed. She knows only how children are born, and that when two people love eachother so much they get married and decide to have children, and she knows where the children come from.
To let this go isn't right, you aren't seeing the bigger picture of what might be happening. Have you ever thought that maybe someone has done something to one of these children (I am not stating the parents did this at all) but it can be a possiblity. I am concerned that the older child could've.
Obviously the psyc doc didn't want to do anything regarding this because he wanted social services called first.
The poster doesn't state if the older child is a family member or a friend. That is my other concern.
Normal is a child showing another child their privates or touching, this is not considered normal and I hope that there is more looking into the older child and how they know what sex involves and WHY this child told a 4 year old.
You know I really am sorry but I can't believe a peds doc told you that two little kids having sex at 4 is norm tiffany?
your kids haven't committed a crime they are curious and there is no reason to blame anything or one except the person who gave them too much info, ten years all will be forgotten i truly believe this. now it would be another story if the children were much older or there's a big age difference then yes be concerned
Okay here is the thing. Yes this happens more then people realize, but it isn't talked about. The one thing that you need to understand though is that you can't just let it go, partly because if one of your children goes to school and states that they had "sex" with their sibling, social services will be called by your school to investigate. These days when a child says something like this to another person, it is taken more seriously then ever before. What is normal is when children touch eachother to see their differences, what isn't normal is kids doing sexual positions. You don't state the ages of your children that were doing this, but I am assuming that they are young enough that they shouldn't know this much. Sex is everywhere these days, expecially on television. As everyone states sex sells. :(
I just don't want you to think that this is normal and no big deal. Some things are normal, but this is a little bit more then that. This does happen when older children are in the home also.
Just please please make sure that you talk to your children regarding this, because if by chance they do go to school and tell someone about how grown up they were, you have to be prepared that social services may be contacted. Also take into account when you called the psycologist that they said that you needed to call social services. I am not trying to scair you, but this isn't normal with what children try. Petting, looking is but not sex.
This is happening alot in todays world, more then people know. This happened to me when I was younger with a sibbling, and I was old enough that I do remember. I have forgave him, but he did not try to go the full way. It did cause a lot of pain for me growing up because I felt I did something wrong. I know now that it wasn't my fault and that I was just a little girl. My brother feels very very bad also and tells me all the time. He was a kid, but it still caused me issues.
For everyones 411 on how to help this not happen. I am very careful that my daughters don't see me or my husband walking around nude, my daughters take their baths alone. No soaps are allowed on my tv, or any other program that has anything like that on it. If a commercial comes on you change the channel, don't leave magazines laying around (cosmo), take tvs out of childrens rooms.
Heres something else. My five year old was on the computer doing her barbie dress up game, and some how she pressed a side bar that popped up something that had girls in underwear, this was on a side bar at barbie dot com's sight. Now I have parental block on the internet so this doesn't happen again.
My mother always said she wish she could have protrected me from this happening, and I tell her it wasn't her fault because what mother thinks they have to protect their little girl from their little boy. Please do something that my mother wishs she could've done, and watch. Again I was little, but not too little not to remember, and it wasn't as far into sex as you stated, and it still bothered me.
Please don't blame yourself because like my mother, it's not your fault.
I just don't want you to think that this is normal and no big deal. Some things are normal, but this is a little bit more then that. This does happen when older children are in the home also.
Just please please make sure that you talk to your children regarding this, because if by chance they do go to school and tell someone about how grown up they were, you have to be prepared that social services may be contacted. Also take into account when you called the psycologist that they said that you needed to call social services. I am not trying to scair you, but this isn't normal with what children try. Petting, looking is but not sex.
This is happening alot in todays world, more then people know. This happened to me when I was younger with a sibbling, and I was old enough that I do remember. I have forgave him, but he did not try to go the full way. It did cause a lot of pain for me growing up because I felt I did something wrong. I know now that it wasn't my fault and that I was just a little girl. My brother feels very very bad also and tells me all the time. He was a kid, but it still caused me issues.
For everyones 411 on how to help this not happen. I am very careful that my daughters don't see me or my husband walking around nude, my daughters take their baths alone. No soaps are allowed on my tv, or any other program that has anything like that on it. If a commercial comes on you change the channel, don't leave magazines laying around (cosmo), take tvs out of childrens rooms.
Heres something else. My five year old was on the computer doing her barbie dress up game, and some how she pressed a side bar that popped up something that had girls in underwear, this was on a side bar at barbie dot com's sight. Now I have parental block on the internet so this doesn't happen again.
My mother always said she wish she could have protrected me from this happening, and I tell her it wasn't her fault because what mother thinks they have to protect their little girl from their little boy. Please do something that my mother wishs she could've done, and watch. Again I was little, but not too little not to remember, and it wasn't as far into sex as you stated, and it still bothered me.
Please don't blame yourself because like my mother, it's not your fault.
iwas always told it is a normal part of curiosity you shouldn't make a big deal just direct there attention to something else and what ever you do don't tell them they are bad that will cause more issues when they are older just about every child at one point or another has played nasties explain to them that it is something only grown ups do and they have to be married first then if it becomes an issue then take them to there pediatrician who will know exactly what route to take i had this issue with my 13 year old when she was 4
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