Concerns about my 4 year old daughter.

[wowwuzzby]

I have a 4 1/2 year old little girl who is extremely bight...yet sometimes she concerns me. She went to daycare for the first 21 months of her life and one of the daycares she was pulled out of because I had a horrible feeling that something was wrong. She was under a year old at the time...and luckily I got her out just in time. The daycare provider was shut down for having too many kids and her not being able to attend to them all. I also know her son was abusive to the other kids. Anyway, I pulled her out and she was fine but as time went on I noticed that she became very jumpy about getting her 'whoo whoo' wiped but I figured it was due to a rash. This jumpiness never went way...and it happens still when I try to clean her during her bath time. I've always wondered if something happened but she was so little that I couldn't really ask her to tell me.

Anyway, this leads me to another concern. yesterday I noticed she was pulling her pants down while watching TV in her toy room. I told her to keep her pants up and she did. Today I was listening to the kids giggling downstairs and I heard my son say, "sissy, you're pants are down." She responded with, "I know! (more giggling)". When I cam around the corner to check on her they were dancing...and sure enough my daughter's pants were down to the floor and my 3 year old son was looking at her 'whoo whoo'. I was so concerned about this that I called my Fiancee and neither of us have any idea what to do now. Do we sit down and talk to her? Do I have her Dad call to discuss it with her? I feel awful for punishing her by sending her to her room, but I didn't know what to do! Does anyone have any ideas? Or am I just over reacting?

[irrelevance]

I never said she should not correct her if she feels it is inappropriate, I just said I wouldn't be alarmed by it and that it is a normal stage. (seemed as though she feared some foul play from her previous caregiver) I wouldn't discipline exactly though, if it were me. I would explain to her as others have suggested why it is inappropriate and then remind her as babygirl said if she continues. Good luck.

[babygirl6152]

even a stern look should do it- I love what granny said- the legs give us privacy- adorable-

freud ummmm yeah-  it's normal but also normal to stop any behavior a momma says to stop- yes?

the jumpiness- I have a theory- our genitals are sensitive- I have a few babies in my preschool- age early twos that are hypersensitive when I wipe with the cold wipes at  diaper time/ they may jump a tiny bit or get big eyes or take a deep breath--- all I say is- "sorry I know it's cold-" and they just look at me like they're glad I understand-

[wowwuzzby]

Thank you so much. I feel so much better...I just hope this phase passes quickly. *sigh*

[irrelevance]

Psychologically, for psycho-analysts, this (ages approx. 3 - 5) is known in Freudian terms as the Phallic Stage of psychosexual development. You may look it up if you are interested, but it states that the genitals are of a high interest amongst this age group, and I would not be too alarmed as it is often a normal part of development for children. :)

"The Phallic Stage (3-5 years of age) is probably the most controversial. The word phallic means penis-like. In this stage, children discover their sexual differences. The controversy comes from Freud's description of the Oedipus (for males) and Electra (for females) complexes, with their attendant concepts of castration anxiety and penis envy, respectively. Those complexes lead, according to Freudian theory, to normal differentiation of male and female personalities."

[Rosilina]

Hi - I have a daughter that just turned five and her behavious was very similiar during that stage. She actually pulled her pants down at school.  When the teacher told me I was so shocked, it almost felt as if the world is collapsing around me, so I can feel with you... The teacher, who has been in teaching for I think almost 20 years said that it is normal at that age to be extremely aware of that part of the body and most kids find it extremely funny.  She said not to make an issue of it... I felt like it was a huge issue... never the less took her on my lab, explained to her that it is private and that no body is allowed to see it except mommy and let her go to play without making a big deal.  My granny, now 87, explained to her that God put the woowoo between the two legs so that the legs cover it up.  Afterwards she pulled down her pants a few times again with me reminding her in a matter of fact way that it is private.  Never giving to much attention and she stopped after a week or so.  If something happened at school our doubt it that she will remember.  Kids normally do not have a perception that someone touching you there is wrong.   Good luck!