Continually chooses to do the wrong thing

[JoeCO]

My son is 6 y/o and continues to misbehave, in spite of any punishment that we implement.  In particular, he struggles with respecting other's personal space (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.) and not respecting other's feelings (saying mean and hurtful things).  What concerns me most is that we talk about these particular things on a daily basis but it seems to be in vain.  We talk about the "3 Big Rules": don't invade anyone's personal space, think about other's feelings, and live with integrity (and he knows that integrity means doing the right thing when no one is looking).  Inevitably, when mom and dad are not looking, he acts up and violates one of the rules.  Once or twice a week, he goes to an all-day summer camp.  We pick him up and the counselors say that he misbehaved and was in time-out.  A few times a week, he goes to a 1-hour Child Watch play area at the local fitness center while my wife and I exercise.  Almost every time we pick him up, he gets called out for one of the 3 Big Rules.  Recently, he decided to throw a rock through our neighbor's window.  When confronted about it, not only did he lie but he blamed it on his best friend.  He was pretty transparent so we got his to confess rather quickly.  However, when we talked about it to try and get at why he did it or what he was feeling, he just says, "I don't know."

1st grade is approaching and I'm getting worried that his behavior will not be tolerated like it was in Kindergarten.  He is a very bright boy who clearly knows right from wrong but I don't know why he continues to chose to do the wrong thing every chance he gets.

[RockRose]

Joe,  you are only describing that he misbehaves when you and your wife aren't there - so I'm guessing he behaves well in your presence?

This often happens with children who are disiplined too harshly,  or too often.  The parents are able to get good behavior out of the kids,  but the moment the parents aren't looking,  the kids act out on purpose.

Does this sound like what may be going on?

Are you military,  by any chance?

Best wishes.

[bklynmom02]

Hi, I also posted abt my 6 yr old son with similar issues. it seems alot of parents have these issues with their boys. I have 2 boys, 4 & 6. My 6 has always been active, precious and we have had problems in Kindergarten and they WONT tolerate it in 1st grade. We have seen 3 psychologist ( all male) and they seem to think this behavior will out grow. It has in some areas and not in others, but gotten worse. DO NOT BACK DOWN, as they like to manipluate. We have tried everything and some works and some doesnt. Consistancy is key. Get a professional opionion NOW on his behavior. I dont think that therapy is an answer for everything and I would NEVER medicate my child. But keep an eye out and go with your feelings. Sometimes its more than boys being boys. As I feel with my son who is way to angry for a 6 yr old. A great book is Raising Cain ....for anyone rasiing or teaching boys. Good luck

[margypops]

These seem like big rules you have set could you not relax them and see what happens,hes only 6yearold,what does dont invade someones space mean thats a hard one for a small boy to understand,Let the Big 3 ,Go,Relax and cut him some slack,He may be rebelling as he is so bright to your "Rules" try without them and just quiet talk.