Control Issues

[Pas71]

We have a 5 year old boy who's very stubborn/strong-willed. He frequently questions rules &/or expectations, even after it's been explained to him several times. We've read numerous articles on working with strong-willed or stubborn children & are already doing what the articles suggetive (yes we've given the techniques a channce to work) yet the tantrums still are occurring & at times now he's becoming violent towards others. We remove him from the area/situation yet he'll stil try to hurt the person near him. When you're telling him he's hurting you, typically he'll stop, which to us shows he's listening, understanding & able to control his actions (we thought this is an abnormal response during a tantrum). He's taking strong-willed/stubborn to the extreme & his excessive behavior is quite distruptive to say the least both at home & at preschool. He doesn't care if he loses priveledges, toys or time with others onnly that through his behavior/tantrum he shows his refusal to comply with our request/rules. Typically after about 30 minutes he'll quietly comply, yet the tantrums have lasted up to 2 1/2 hours. What can we do when he exhibits such defiant behavior?  

[benjimom]

How often are the tantrums occuring? Sounds like a very wearing situation. I have a strong willed child too, I know!!

[RockRose]

I had a stubborn one,  my middle son.  He'd say "why can't I _____   100 times after being told why.  Why CAN'T I ________.   Ugh,  it was waring!

  So we'd say you can say that 5 more times to my face and after that you can only say it in your room where I can't hear it.   Go ahead,  say it,  Why can't I ________.   Say it.  Okay,  good,  you still can say it 4 more times.  Say it.  Good.  Keep going.  He wouldn't ever get to the full 5.  ;D

When he'd tantrum like what you're describing - not a loss of control,  he was completely in control - we'd say okay,  you have 3 more minutes to scream and yell.  Good keep going.  If he'd wane a little I'd say   go ahead,  you can still scream for a minute and a half.    

Say it matter of factly  like you're saying how many hits he can take at a pinata  or how much time there is left at recess.  No taunting,  no yelling,  just informing.

I hope this works for you.  My son never attempted to hurt anyone,  it was just screaming or asking the same repetitive question.