Trouble with 5 year old

[sgendron28]

I want to start off by saying I know that there is no perfect child. My daughter was always pretty good though and really didn't give us much trouble.
About a month ago she started kindergarten and within a few days she is a completely different kid.  She talks back constantly and yells and screams when she doesn't get her way. She seems to go out of her way to say mean things, especially to her father.
I don't want to blame it on school because she did attend preschool last year and she never acted like this.
We did have a new baby 4 months ago, but my husband and I take turns setting aside special one on one time with her. She has never acted badly toward the baby.
My husband has been working late a couple nights a week so he hasn't been home for dinner or bedtime.
I guess my question is is this normal 5 year old behavior? Has anybody else been through a similar situation? I feel like we've tried everything and we are only more frustrated than when we began.
Does anybody have any suggestions of how we can better handle her behavior? I don't want to see her grow up and become another one of spoiled brats who thinks the world revolves around them.

[hanaguchi]

I know how tough it must be. The best place to start is probably with the teachers at the school to find out how she is at school. It would be great if you could watch her at school for a day but if your presence is too obvious in the classroom then you won't get representative behavior from her. This will allow you to find out if she is getting teased or bullied, or if there are children in the class whose behavior she is copying. If this is not the case then it may be one of the many behavioral changes that occur as they grow (may have been triggered by the new school but may not be a result of it). If this is the case then continue to be consistent and clear about what is expected from her and what the consequences are of unacceptable behavior.
Good luck and stay strong.

[ndc]

If you look at all the changes to your daughters life in the last couple of months, they may not seems significant to an adult but to a child they are quite traumatic.

1.  New baby - it is not a question whether she loves her sibling or not, it is a question of finding out where she fits in with the new family dynamics ( I had the same problems with my first little boy.)

2.  Starting full time school - this is a big shock emotionally and physically.  It is very tiring and speaking to all mums whose children have started school most say that they are acting in a far more intolerant way and have put it down to tiredness.  

3.  Husband working different/longer hours - this is a change in routine for her aswell.  

I know you are spending time with her individually but for some children (including my first son) they would rather have their parents attention all the time.

With regard to new baby this will settle down by itself - she will adjust and realise that she is still as loved now as ever.

School induced tiredness will abate - it will just take time.  

Change to routine - we made it so that one school night a week dad comes home on time and does the tea and bath routine, and then we count the days to this in terms of number of sleeps until it happens.

I know it may not seem alot of change to us, but it sounds like your daughter's whole little world has turned about.  Bear in mind, at this age, her family are her world.


This will pass, but I would give it at least until Christmas before I started to even think twice about it.  Until then you can only give positive reinforcement of how much you love her, and what an important part of the family she is.

Hope this might help in some way.

Dawn

[sgendron28]

Thank you.  I guess sometimes it does help to try to look at things from a different perspective.