Hey, I hear you! If it makes you feel any better (it probably won't), I have seen this same problem many times on the ADHD forum where I am also the CL. That forum is here -
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ADD---ADHD/show/175 Feel free to check it out and see if it looks like I have a clue about what I am talking about. Also feel free to use it.
My first thought is that the meds are too high. She should not feel like a zombie! That is an over dose. In fact the caution for the patch is - "Even low dose patch may be too strong for a child." The doses are 10,15,20 or 30 with the child recommended ranges at 10 to 20. Talk with your doc about what is going on. The other problem with the patch is that it takes 2 hours for it to become effective. And by the way, the patch is supposed to last for at least 1 hour after it comes off - so something is really wrong here. Virtually all oral medications take 40 min or less to become effective. If she can take pills, that is something to consider. And if she can take an Adderall type of medication - Vyvanse is a very smooth med that will last 10 to 12 hours. And it can be titrated down to a very low dose if needed and given as a liquid. But, it is going to take some experimenting to find what works. Oh, and most studies have shown that unless you need to take a child of the meds for diet reasons (to get them to eat more on weekends), it is best to keep them on the meds during the weekends as this helps to train the brain.
So getting the medication correct will help. But, then there is all the other stuff. Frankly, there is a lot of information that you should have gotten that would have helped you, but have not.
And yes, time for yourself is huge! Hopefully, she will be able to get involved in some kind of after school programs, etc. that will help.
But just in terms of information on how to better deal with her. As you have found out - the traditional ways don't work. Sad, you had to learn that the hard way.
At the risk of giving you too much too fast - I am including 4 links going from the specific to the general on working with an ADHD child. Take your time in reading them. They will make a difference.
The first is pretty specific and I think you will find it useful.
http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/88/slide-1.html
This is shorter, but also very good ideas.
http://www.additudemag.com/slideshow/100/slide-1.html?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=July
This is just a link to a whole bunch of articles on parenting an ADHD child. Look for something interesting.
http://www.additudemag.com/channel/parenting-adhd-children/index.html
Finally, this is literally 100 tips for raising an ADHD child. Many of them are just the little things (on diet for example) that can make a difference. I would try and just scan a bunch every night and maybe copy paste the ones that make sense onto a blank document.
http://www.additudemag.com/100-adhd-tips.html?utm_source=eletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=July
Ok, I have given you tons of stuff to think and read about. Take some time to digest it. Get back to me anytime you have a question either here or on my ADHD site.
Best wishes.