Five and four year old boy cousins

[aadm777]

A couple of days ago, my sister-in-law found our sons in the bedroom closet with their pants down.  When questioned seperately, both boys stated that they licked eachother's penis.  They both said that the other came up with the suggestion or said I don't know.  We talked to the boys (again seperately) and told them that this behavior was not ok and that these are private parts, that no one should touch or do this behavior.  Six days later, they were playing together and there seemed to be no problem.  Again, my son stated that his cousin was trying to pull my son's pants down and my son stated that the same behavior happened again.  I don't know what to do.  Both sets of parents are EXTREMELY concerned about this behavior and have talked to their sons.  What do we do from here to ensure this behavior doesn't happen again?

[mewziklvr]

Your most welcome.  Glad your son opened up to you.  Hope things are going better!!

[aadm777]

Thank you for your reply.  At first, my reaction was wrong and later explained to him that what my son and his cousin did was not right, but that my reaction was also wrong.  He did open up to us, thank God.  I was abused as a child and have always had a fear of things happening to my children.  This has hit me very hard, but I am open in learning ways to deal with a situation like this.  Thank you.   :)

[mewziklvr]

One thing I forget to mention is that kids draw inspiration from the most mundane things.  i had to explain to my son why the family dog was not going to eat his pee-pee after my son had witnessed the dog licking himself.  

[mewziklvr]

I am no expert, but children are by nature curious about their bodies and other people's bodies.  That being said, I really doubt either a 4 yo or a 5 yo would think of "licking" someone else on their own.  That goes beyond the normal curiosity.  If it was my son, I would be seriously giving some consideration to whether or not they could have been exposed to this form of behavior.  If you dont suspect possible abuse, think about inadvertant exposure, ie, someone discussing it and one of them overhearing it, children listen to everything even when you dont think they are, or maybe one of them accidentally came across written material complete with pictures.  Do they have older siblings?  Friends with older siblings?  You should also make sure that your son knows that he can tell you anything no matter what.  Monitor the boys carefully when they play together, make sure they dont bathe together or go to the bathroom with each other.  If he has questions, answer them honestly without going into much detail.  The most important thing is assuring your son that while that type of behavior is unacceptable, he is not in trouble and that he can trust you to be there for him, so if he ever does find himself in that type of situation, he can come to you w/o being made to feel like he did something wrong.