Four year old boy snaps, gets angry for no reason

[Flysouth2]

Our son, four and a half years old, has started getting angry for no reason.  About six months ago we moved from rural upstate NY to Taipei, Taiwan.  He is in Chinese playschool three mornings a week, and is in class with his little brother, who is almost three.  

An example is this.  He gets up in the morning, happy as a lark, sits down to breakfast and when I ask him if he slept good he immediately turns dark, furrows his brow, shakes his head and won't eat.  He's angry for the next thirty minutes.  Another example: I play with him, just he and I, for about half an hour and then he gets angry because I made his toy phone the wrong way.  It's not a temper tantrum, or not what I would think of as a tantrum, ... it's almost a cry for help.  He closes up, won't talk, and is angry.  Then when I try to talk him through it I get frustrated because he won't respond, so I send him to his room and, since it's bedtime I tell him to get into bed.  He then starts screaming.  This is pretty typcial of his "snaps".

What is going on with him?  Help!

[socgirl]

moving to a different country, with a different culture, etc....is a big adjustment for everyone....particularly young children.  My guess is that he's having a hard time adjusting to the changes.  What he needs most right now is consistency.  Try to be as consistent as you can with everything from schedules, to discipline, etc.  Have you asked him what's bothering him yet?

[RockRose]

My youngest son,  who is now 12,  used to do that.  We'd call it "broken".  Oh no,  John's broken again.  : (    When you look at him,  it's obvious it was chemical.  There's some kind of chemical dumping,  or chemical withholding,  in the brain.  He'd be on a train of thought,  and suddenly,  it would switch off and he'd be in a really sad/angry mood for about 20 minutes,  when he would slowly come back out of it.  He also had very imaginative play,  with costumes and roles and he'd get kind of "obsessed" with topics,  like Top Gun or reptiles or Indiana Jones.  My son gets along REALLY well with his friends,  and is self-disciplined in getting all his work done,  and tries hard to achieve in school,  so I'm not worried about him,  but it was odd to see his brain chemicals work like that.  He also has intense good feelings - one he calls the "beach feeling" which is the thrill of being on the beach,  one is a "Christmas Feeling",  etc.  

When I'd talk to my son about being "broken",  he was very clear what it was.  He was in a good mood,  and suddenly that changed to sad.  So we talked about when that happened,  I was sad for him too, and would give him space to go sit by himself,  and I wouldn't question him or no one would make fun of him,  he'd just be allowed his sad mood.  

Best wishes.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

This sounds like adjustment anxiety.  He's had a huge amount of change recently.  Be patient, firm and consistent and I am sure he will do just fine.

[Flysouth2]

Yes, I've asked him what is wrong - he says nothing is wrong.  In NY I spend probably 4-6 hours a day with him.  Here in Taiwan it's probably only 2 hours, that could be part of the problem, not getting enough daddy time, which I've tried to remedy by taking him places, just the two of us.  Having him tell me stories and I write them down as he tells them, then read them back to him.  But these things don't seem to matter.  I've tried making more eye contact, more hugs and physical touches, and they don't seem to have an impact.  He just keeps getting angry over nothing, although last night and tonight have both been "event" free, thank goodness.

Thanks for the advice.  I just never know if this stuff is normal, doesn't seem like it should be, but if every other parent has experienced similar problems then I geuss there is not much to worry about.

[anxiousmomtobe?]

It is normal and I have no doubt that your boy will be just fine.

Parenting is hard work, and all of us feel like total failures by times.


Hang in there.

[Trialanderror]

My son is 4 1/2 as well and even though we did not move to a different country, he suddenly started having fits out of frustration about not having full control over the world like being able to drive my car to JK or remove himself from classes when he wants to or join the police force right away. He has always had certain ideas of how his surroundings should be at any given moment and had been quite upset about changes that were out of his control, even at 2. To me it seems like another step to new independence that is painful enough to cause anger. It may be the same with your little guy. For my son I decided that all I can offer him at this point is patience but also emotional support and advice if he asks for it. By temperament he is very enthusiastic and that includes extreme ups and downs. Your son probably also misses home. Sometimes it helps to look at old pictures and talk about past special events or happy moments. It helps them to put chapters of early life into certain spots where they can easily retrieve them and put them into context in comparison with their new situation. As for the anger - it is best quietly acknowledged without interfering. If you want to dig any further, just keep track of when these outbursts happen. Eventually there will be a pattern indicating whether it is frustration with himself, too many demands from preschool, sadness about changes or certain foods, or just the temperament. It always helps me to be patient when I remember that I used to have a bad temper at the same age which my parents marked as "she`s having her wild 5 minutees".
Hope it is just a short phase for your son.

[dixiegirl123]

My comment happens to be about the way my 3 year old is acting.  Ever since our move from Cheyenne, WY to TN, she has been acting out.  She throws temper tantrums and I really am at my wits end, we try and be consistent with her and it just seems that we are going around in circles.

[JenandTerry]

It seems alot of 4year old boys' go through the same phase (well let's hope it is a phase)
Our 41/2 year old is having angry outburst at home and daycare; he will have a short outburst this usually starts with 'I'm not happy' he will then retreat to his room or other quiet activity for 1/2 hour. Returning as if nothing had occured.
This has been occuring for the past 3-4 weeks, when Joel returns I give him a hug; I then ask him what made him un happy. Sometimes it is a simple as him not getting something he wanted or he was tired. We then talk about why that made him angry and what else he could have done instead of getting angry.
I can't say it is 100% effective however, we get through it without any major disturbances. Without us becoming frustrated or Joel acting out any furhter.
I will add, if Joel has an outburst and does not retreat independantly we use 'time out' as punishement 1min for each year; at the completion we go through the same  routine of why and how it could be different.
Joels' outbursts have decreased from 12per week three weeks ago to 3 last week.
I think its' working FINGERS CROSSED

[emeliasmom]

My 4 year old daughter gets angry, but not at the drop of a dime. If she does something wrong, and I want to talk to her about it, she screams, "O.K., don't talk to me!!!" She is very mature and advanced for her age, although she's not "gifted". I just think it's because the world isn't going her way, my sister thinks it's a more serious problem. She says that a child that shows anger tendencies, could be violent is her pre-teen/teen years!!! She's generally a very loving and nuturing child. She's in her 2nd year of preschool and has NEVER acted out in class. I would love to hear from someone about this! Thanks,
Emeliasmom