HELP - my 7 year old daughter is violent and angry

[lammep]

Her behavior changed dramitically since returning to school after winter break.  She hates school, doesn't want to do homework (although we get her to fnish it after hours of fighting every night), curses, hits her sisters (and parents), and breaks things around the house.  She misses the bus every morning and has received many tardies.  She is rude and nasty to her grandparents (and parents).  She is in speech two days a week in school and has lazy eye but refuses to wear her eye patch.  She refuses to leave the house on the weekends and won't sleep in bed - she only wants to sleep on the couch - and she will only fall asleep if I sleep on the couch with her.  After fighting with her in the morning - I am so exhausted it is hard for me to focus on work.  Both my husband and I work full-time.  We need HELP.  

[kaybao]

I'm no expert, but I've had many friends who were sexually abused as children.

Is it possible that someone could have gotten to your daughter over spring break?  What really caught my attention was her not wanting to sleep in her bed.

Be careful of denial - none of us want to believe our friends or family members are capable of this, but the facts are that one in every 3-4 women were/are abused as children, and 80% of the time the abuser is someone the family knows.  You might also want to get a professional involved.  Abusers often threaten the child that if they tell the will kill their parents or someone else close to them.  

I hope this isn't the case but better to make sure now than to hear when she's grown up that she had been abused for year.  God Bless and good luck.

[OldFatChick]

Wow.  Sounds like a handful.  All of these behaviors were non-existent until after the winter break?  Have you asked what has happened at school or perhaps during winter break to make her behavior change to such an extent?  She is old enough to be able to articulate any problems.  If she was fine and then all of a sudden she was a little terror, something must have triggered the change.

I may sound a bit old fashioned, but what you describe is the child ruling the house.  That is something you are allowing to happen.  There is no way on God's green earth that I am going to let a 7 year old dictate when or where she sleeps, or let a 7 year old disrespect me or grandparents or teachers or any adult for that matter.  Not to mention the hitting.  She REFUSES to leave the house?  How does a 7 year old refuse?  Are you not bigger, stronger and smarter than she is?

As to the eye patch, no tv, no computer, no toys unless the patch is on.  She is not too old for a time out.   Sounds like she very much needs consistent discipline.  If you allow this behavior to continue, by the time she is 14 you will have lost her.  She needs rules.  Consistently enforced rules.  If she gets mad, so what.  That means you are doing your job.  Your job is to teach your child what is acceptable and what is not.  Once she gets over the initial shock, you will probably find that she is actually grateful to have mom and dad holding her to a higher standard.