HItting

[gperry227]

Why is my 4 year old hitting his classmates and teachers?  My husband seems to think that spanking him, taking away his desserts and no television is the answer.  I am lost.  Please help.

[Aussiejoe]

Your child probably does not understand how it feels to be hit.
All people get angry, but as we develop, we learn to control our anger and frustration. Someone taught us how to do this, how to control our frustration and anger.

Discuss the behaviour with the child and the reason why we don't do something. Tell your child what the consequence of the behaviour will be.
If it occures again, carry out the consequence.

Be ASSERTIVE not angry when you are dealing with bad behaviour.

"Stop!, no hitting".
"What did I tell you that I would do if you hit someone"?

Carry out the consequence.

It is OK to be very loud and very assertive, not aggressive.

Make sure that both you and your partner have the same, agreed upon consequences and use the same language when handling bad behaviour. Work as a team.

As a last resort, a smack may help your child to know what it feels like to be hit, how else will they know?..........but a very last resort.

Remember, your child is not a young adult but a child. Understanding comes with education and experience. Do not put them on the same level as yourself. Children don't have the same rights as adults because they don't have the same responsibilities and understandings.

You have to teach your child respect and how to show respect.

Allow your child the opportunity to make mistakes in their behaviour, but also show them what the consequence of the behaviour will be. This applies to both good and bad behaviour. Discuss good behaviour with them. NO BRIBES!

A smile, a pat on the back, controlled praise or, a frown, a sharp word (NO!, STOP!) or some other agreed upon response. DON'T PLEAD, WHINGE or NAG. Be assertive, in control! You are the boss and you are in charge. Listen to yourself!


You don't want your fourteen year old exhibiting the "terrible two" behaviour. Being hit by a teenager or young adult can be life threatening.

It is your responsibility to develop self discipline in your child, no one else should shoulder this responsibility.

Father of eight and grandfather/babysitter of five. Teacher for 37 years specialising in "difficult children".



Aussiejoe

[ruggy13]

My husband and I have a similar situation. Our son in now 8 years old, but we have struggled with his aggression since an early age. We do not always agree with the way to disipline him. My husband grew up in a very strict home where you did not ask twice to do something. Their way of showing affection was limiting and not too huggy feelly. My way of growing up was full of hugs and kisses, but I also got quite a few physical reminders of who was in charge. There is a way I believe to parent with love and logic, a good key to this is being on the same page with your partner. You want your children to respect you and others, and always feel love and security. We have tried many solutions I agree you don't want to tamper with food it's confusing, and even more confusing is saying no hitting after hitting. Positive Praise when he is nice to others goes a long way, and sometimes not making too big of a deal when he does hit or going to the other child to see if they are ok first takes away that I need attention thing.Showing your child that the two of you are a team on his side is the most important thing.  Parenting is the hardest and most challenging, yet rewarding job there ever will be!!!! Good Luck . P.S we still struggle with his aggression and work on other choices he can  make other than taking it out on others. (Not to say that is going to happen with your son)

[benjimom]

Sometimes I think kids resort to hitting when they don't know how to work out the conflict with words, it might immaturity. It could be attention seeking behavior too.  I think boys tend to be impulsive and not think before they act.  I've had issues with my son doing this.   Spanking makes things like this worse.  You are trying to tell him not to hit, but you are hitting back.  I don't like to personally use food as a reward or punishment.  I would try to work with him and talk with him about other ways to deal with conflict.  IT's tough.

[RockRose]

My guess is,  hitting him to teach him not to hit others isn't working at all.

Is there a lot of spanking going on in your house,  to the point where he works out any conflict by hitting?