Help, I need help

[mylittlelammy]

My four year old is out of control. Sometimes I think he hates me. He hits, he bites, he kicks, he throws. Half the time I don't even know it's coming because he'll be calm one minute and hit me in the face and run the next minute. Then he gets punished for hitting and turns into a big drawn out power struggle. I don't want to send him to school this year cuz i'm afraid he'll behave even worse there. There has got to be something better out there than puting a child on medication.

[margypops]

He hits out at you because he misses you try to be home with him more any way you can change your hours, he is saying he is upset .

[mylittlelammy]

Thanks to everyone who has replied to my post.

My child is a very good child. I just don't know what to do when he acts up so much. I try to give time outs but he doesn't stay there no matter how many times I put him back. I end up giving up because i'm so run down. He behaves way better for his father who is home with him all most all the time. I'm always at work.
I don't let him have his toys down from his closet because he chucks them at my face, doesn't matter how big the toy is. I'm just tired of him trying to hurt me.

[Noda]

Pick up the book, 123 magic.

[gemmamisty]

For most children "normal" punishments like time outs etc work very well as long as they are implemented with verbal warnings and the same every time. For example a child throws food on the floor you give them a first warning then they slam a door you give them a second anything else minor and it's a time out. For aggressive or violent behaiviour it's no warnings and straight to time out (at the age of four i believe 4 minutes is the recommended time). The problem is that often we change our own rules because we find it hard or we are just so frustrated or tired. I do agree that looking for triggers to the behaiviour is very important too. I firmly believe that continuity is the key for implementing any type of behaivioural strategy. And communicating on a basic level why the behaiviour is unacceptable is very important too. If you think the behaiviour is on a level that is not normal/within normal limits it might be a good idea to talk to a health proffesional like your family doctor to get some advice.

[margypops]

Yes there is and its a very good thing you believe that, the problem is one of Parent/child interaction, you say he gets punished ,how do you punish him he may be retaliating or copying, sounds like you have got a power struggle going. Instead of retaliating with 'punishments think about why he is doing this, what happens prior to the hitting, the biting the kicking, something must upset him a lot, has he any siblings? is Dad around.Very often school is good for children it gives them another enviroment aswell as you and home, has he plenty to do ,do you take him to parks ,outside games and activities reading, and fun., focus on his positive side and praise him when you see him do something right.