My 6 year old boy cries all the time, really need some help!!

[caraleevz]

My 6 my year old boy wears his heart and his emotions on his sleeve.  He is extremely sensitive and caring. He also is, unfortunately, overbearing and bossy with his friends.  He has to have everything his way.  It may be hard to believe that he can be both caring and bossy, but that is my son.  
   He seems to cry over everything.  When he doesn't get his way, when a friend gets hurt, when his brother is too loud, when he is too tired, when he can't go to a friends house, and then over things like not being picked first at school or for sports or having to go outside.  Some things are legit, like Grandpa having surgery, and then there are the tiniest of things that set him off.  It doesn't matter where he is either.  Whether at home or school or at a friends house.  
   I am worried that soon his behavior will affect the friends he does have and the will start to make fun of his extreme sensitivity.He cries to the point of hyperventilating.  This can't be good or normal.
    He acts like such a tough kid.  He does reasonably well academically(B Student), he plays soccer and hockey really well! He can be quite aggressive when he's had a bad day toward's his little brother.  We've tried all sorts of things to try work out these episodes.  One on one time. Time alone in his room to calm down.  Pep talks, talks with his teacher, priveledges taken away, earlier bed times, less sugar, you name it.  Even a trip to the Doctor, which He said he would monitor his 'condition'.
  I'm at my whits end with my precios sensitive little soul.  He needs some help and I don't know how to help him.  That's an awful feeling for a mother!!  Please help!!

[ticked]

My 7 yr old daughter is the same.  She cries on a dime for nothing and it drives me crazy.  I ask her why she does it and she says she cant help it.  She has the same personality bossy and has to have everything her way, b's and A's in school and is very competitive when it comes to anything especually sports she is an amazing athlete  etc.  she has to win.  

Let me know if you find out anything

[specialmom]

Ah, the volatile child--------- I know him well (got one too).  My son has sensory issues that contribute to it and there is a part of the sensory system called regulation or modulation which involves the emotions.  My son has trouble self soothing/calming and it sounds like your child does as well.  My son will also over react to things in a big way and try really hard to control his enviroment.  He too can be bossy and sensitive at the same time.  Quite confusing.  We work hard on peer relationships as he desires them but then can be inflexible at time and not be the funnest play date.  We've made a lot of effort in improving this.  Sensory integration disorde is evaluated by an occupational therapist and treated through a combination of play therapy which works directly on that out of sync nervous system and behavior modification (along with some cool things like handwriting if needed).  It has helped my son more than I can tell you.  

So, I will share some things that we learned in OT to help our son.  First, the ability to communicate emotion is important.  How does your son do with this?  Can he express what is going on?  If not, work on it.  Talk to him, read books, and act out different emotions to help him understand what he is feeling and to have kid words for it.  Encourage him to use his words to tell you and teachers (or whomever) what is wrong.  
For emotional outbursts, we looked for triggers.  I observed in school and asked his teachers to write down things that preceded an outburst of emotion.  It helps to problem solve for future events that occur.  You can talk to him and role play how to handle something that upsets him.  
I'd work on home life in that I bet he is like my son------ bit of a dictator to his little brother.  So, get involved in their play and make it more equal.  You can guide him through becoming more flexible with his brother first and then this can carry over to his friends.  They should take turns deciding what to do (you can set a timer for how long each get to play their game).  I worked to have my son that is 15 months younger than my volatile kid to be more equal in the pecking order to help my other son be less controlling overall.  
When upset, does your son have a calm down or cool down spot?  We have one at home and at school and designate one when we go other places.  At home, a secluded and enclosed place is good (such as a pop up tent, under a table, and we use a corner behind a chair with pillows in it).  At school, teachers often have bean bag chairs in the room in a tucked away corner or something like that-------- my son's teachers all have them without my even asking them as they've always provided this to kids.  So the idea would be that this is his "safe" spot that he can go to gather himself.  You can say "you look upset, why don't you go to your cool down spot".  Then he goes and you just let him be.  Once there he can take deep breaths, count to 10, open and close his fists really hard, even hit a pillow.  When my son is in a major bad way, we get the "emergency bag"------  it has a blow up toy that I got at the grocery store sold at any store or drug store------- you blow into a little thing and the body blows up, a thick piece of gum, and a squeezy hand fidget.  The oral soothing is really great with the blowing or gum.  
Another thing we do to keep him  'regulated' as they call it is lots of physical activity.  The occupational therapy world calls it "heavy work" and you can google this for ideas.  Basically any type of muscle work calms the nervous system.  Going to a park to run, climb, jump, swing, roll, etc. should be a part of your normal routine.  Swimming is an awesome exercise.  Soccer and hockey that you already do is great.  Have him do wheel barrow walks, crab walk, bear walk, etc.  Set up obstacle courses in the house for him and his brother.  All calm the nervous system.  
We talk about our son's engine.  We say it is too high when he is mad or sad or crying or yelling.  We say it is just right when he feels good.  We say it is too slow when he is mopey, tired.  We do this "heavy work" to get his engine just right.  Even just giving yourself a tight squeeze calling it a hug will slow the nervous system.  (deep pressure calms the nervous system).  
I will tell you that we started all of this when my son was 4 and now at 6.5, he is much better.  He's not had a meltdown at school in over a year.  So have faith, it can get better.  I never thought it would but my son has learned how to communicate how he is feeling and calm himself.  
Google sensory integration disorder and see if it fits at all for your son just in case.  
Good luck!!