4 yr old can't able to potty trained

[helpme82]

Hi all,
  
    please help me by advice for potty training for my 4 yr old son.he is active mentally & physically.But,he is poop or peep sometimes in his pants.he is not bothering about it.he will go in potty well in sometimes.one more problem,i can't figure out when he will go to poop correctly i mean regurlarly.

  give me some advice how to potty train properly.I am giving some rewards when he is doing good.i tried my levelbest i can.but,i can't succeed.can u help me to solve the issue??

[Andthi]

HELP!!! My 4 1/2 yo (second) daughter is willfully wetting her pants 3-4 times per day or more...only at home & when she doesn't get her way at preschool.  Im talking full emptying of bladder.  She's absolutely calculated and ambivilant about it.  She'll be so wet that her shoes squish, and she does not mind one bit.

She has been potty trained (at school) since summer of 2012.  These "willful accidents" multiple times each day have been ongoing since then.  They've become routine at this pont.  I am more than mentally done!!!

My doctor said create a potty chart, reward positives and don't react to negatives.  That did nothing but create the expectation that she was entitled to rewards.  If I did not treat her right away (say we were out running errands and I didn't happen to have a reward readily available), she'd wet her pants five minutes later.  So I stopped rewarding, since it only created a bratty monster.

She still wears pull-ups at night and they're FULL to the point of leaking nearly every morning.  We've cut out all liquids 3hrs prior to bed time and use the potty at bed time (7pm) and wake her at 10pm to try again.  I say "try" because she never tinkles at this time.  We wake her at 6am to go potty & she does tinkle then.  But her pull-up is COMPLETELY wet at that time.

I feel like I'm the most frustrated stay at home dad on the planet.

[Prestonjsmom]

These posts are from 2010 & 2011. When did they start going poop in the potty after your posts? My son will be 4 in 2 months and will not poop in the potty. I have tried all of the above and find myself getting angry with the situation. Any advise would be great.

[mom20123]

Ladies wow I have twin boys 3 1/2 one of them dose great going peepe but, he is inconsistent going poo... his brother refuses to go at all months ago he has gone in potty a few times. But he refues now. Help have used all types of rewarding systems.

[Brickhouse2426]

My first son is a special needs child and we thought we would never be able to potty train him.  At that time (he was almost 4 when he was finally on his way to being potty trained), he wasn't really speaking nor could he understand much what was being said to him.  He had no interest in rewards and he was strong-willed.  I kept his potty in the family room, where we spent most of out time, and I had him naked.  We were watching Tarzan (Disney cartoon) and told him, "look, Tarzan no diapers!". I made a big deal about it too, as if I discovered something no one else had.  For some reason, it clicked with him.  He was fully potty trained by the time he turned four.

My second son is not special needs.  However he seems more difficult than my first.  He is stubborn and will not have anything to do with the toilet.  He'll pee in his potty, but refuses to go in the toilet.  He will only poo in his diapers.  He tells us he's too small and will fall in the toilet and get flushed away.  We're taking a break from it all and will start up again soon.  But how do I address his fear of the toilet?  

[ruby72]

my son is 3 1/2 some times he will tell you when he has to go. but mostly he tells your after he did it. He goes off to boo boo can be next to bathroom and wont go in thair to boo boo. only if you cauch him. some days  are good we only use pull up at nite or if we are goinng to be away from home long. i give rewards when he get it. he be dry all day if he playing hard he wont go. we are down to a pack a pull up every 2 weeks. he will be in school this year. dont know what to do. about to start take his toys he love every time he boo boo on his self help

[bella2110]

I completely understand the frustration. My son will be 4 in August and there are days he does excellent! But then he goes back to not having to go. He tells us he's not wet or poopy when he is. He did great for a week because he wore a diaper to bed for nap and pooped while sleeping and me being a busy house mom was cleaning up from lunch and didnt realize he had until he had gotten up and he was somewhat sore from it (bless his little heart) but for a week used the potty and only wet while he slept! but now its back to not using the potty. My fiancee and I even got him a special potty ring for the big potty and it hasn't worked. I dont have the heart to take away toys or anything because I've been told that using the potty is a pride thing but I want him to be able to go to preschool this fall but unless I get him potty trained, he cant go!! I've  been told to set a timer for 20 minutes after they eat or drink anything to go sit them on the potty but goodness alot of times hes taking a nap...Help please! My oldest daughter will be 3 this year and I want to get his potty training out of the way so I can get hers finished too (most days she does better than her big brother!) so when my youngest daughter is 3 her in a few yeaers I'm not worrying about them!! HELP!

[AutumnSkye1966]

I'm so glad I found this page!  My son will be 4 in a few weeks.  I'm having the same problem as most of you - he just WON'T potty in the toilet consistently.  We have to use overnights since he's outgrown everything else.  Tried the rewards, taking away toys, etc.  Nothing has worked.  He's afraid to poop in the potty, but will aim at the Cheerios my husband puts in the toilet - lol.  Since I don't want to damage my relationship with him any more by being disappointed in him, I'm just going to try to downplay it, put him on the potty regularly, and just see what happens for a while.  My daughter was trained when she was 2.  It's just so frustrating!  Good luck everyone, and keep your patience.  Hopefully, you'll be rewarded in the end when your little man is so proud of himself for doing it right consistently.

[heartbrokenmommy481]

My little boy is 3, we have been potty training since he was 2, and now he'll be 4 in September. I have tried, treats rewards, taking toys away, takin tv away. But my son can sit there and busy himself with just his hands so taking stuff away from him doesn't phase him. There is a lock on the ouside of his bedroom door (my sister stayed with us and that was her room) so we have taken every single toy from him. Nothing is working he'll do good for a week and then he'll fall back into pooping in his pants. You can ask him where he goes poop at and he'll tell you in the potty. So he knows where he is supposed to go at. I'm at a lose and don't know what to do.

[Alibaz]

I know the feeling. I'm at my wits end and it's great to know I'm not alone. He just will not poo in the toilet or potty and I've tried everything. I'm so fed up with dealing with the pooey pants, etc. If I call him on it he'll just hold it in until he's constipated and then that's another problem. I know I should ignore it but that's very hard. He's seen me begging and pleading, crying and angry, appreciative and encouraging and every other emotion imaginable and nothing works. The very awful thing is that it's changing my relationship with him and I don't feel that I adore him so much anymore. It's like I take it personally as if he's doing it to annoy me and honestly I think he may be. It's like a vicious cycle that I hate. You know as I'm writing this I'm realising that the problem may actually be mine. I think I'm going to act as if what he's doing is perfectly normal and convince myself of that and just let him come out of it when he's ready. I have tried this before and it hasn't changed anything except that at least I don't take it personally. He's just not ready for whatever reason I guess as he's usually a good little fellow.

[steph7383]

I know exactly how you feel. I have a 4 yr. old boy who will not poop in the potty. I have never had a problem with him peeing in the potty,he goes every time he has to pee and hasn't had a accident in forever.He can poop in the potty because he has maybe 10-15 times but has just stopped.I don't do pull-ups for fear in the beginning it would confuse him.So needless to say we go through alot of underware and alot of washing and bleaching. He has a some bowel problems to so I am not sure if this is why he won't poop in the potty or what. I have tried rewards,small ones large ones,stickers,charts,praise you name it and I bet I have tried it. I have taken away favorite toys. I have made him stay in it for awhile,made him clean it up himself. I have explained to him every aspect of pooping in the potty and I have let it go for periods of time. I have also made him sit on the potty and came up with a schedule. HELP,nothing has worked.I am soooo glad that my little boy is not the only one.He is a smart, happy, healthy,entergetic little boy who is well behaved This is my only problem with him but what a big problem it is. So any ideas from anyone as I am a stressed out mom too!!!

Thanks,
Stressed Out Too!!!!

[Jixy2]

I read your reply to helpme82 and I have a 5 year old who had stomach and bowel problems 2 yrs ago and refuses to go to the toilet or potty.  He will just say "no, I don't want to or I don't have to!"  I've tried everything from rewards to praise to even threats of taking things away.  He is so adamant and his mind is made up.  I am at my whits end and bought new star wars and indiana jones underwear and he refuses to wear any underwear and just pullups.  I was so angry one day and I refused to put pullups on him for school so he wore just his pants and peed when he got there.  I just gave up and kept him in pullups.  I am so stressed and dont know what to do.  Can anybody help me, please I am desperate.  
Thank you,
Stressed out mom

[pleasehelp07]

i highly recommend pull ups cool alerts, they are wonder ful, when the child pee's in the pull up his lil thingy gets cold and they cant stand it. i did my 3 year old and it took 2 eeks and only one family pack of pullups and still had some left

[mum2beagain]

I am feeling relieved having read your post today, my son is 3 1/2 with hydrocephalus and cerebral palsy and for months others have been on to me to potty train him, mostly because he has good bladder control (he can stop mid stream), but I don't feel his language or physical abilities mean he is ready. He will sit on the potty sometimes but at other times gets upset and won't, he has only actually peed a few times and I think that has been coincidence and he stops himself when he goes and finishes once his diaper is back on. He doesn't really understand reward charts and things either.
The praise thing makes him happy at the time but he doesn't seem to relate it to when it is the next time to sit on the potty. Currently we just sit on the potty in the morning when he gets up (most sucessful time as he is dry through the night and if I get hime up as soon as he wakes I can catch him  before he goes in his diaper) at lunchtime and before bath time (little sucess at these times). We have tried the feel and learns, plastic pants and underware but he is not bothered about being wet. I would love to hear more about how you went about training your son.

many thanks Jo.

[cardsfan]

First of all, RELAX! It has been my experience with my 3 children that they potty train when THEY are ready. All three of my kids potty trained at different ages. My youngest was the hardest. He did not start to potty train till 4. The only thing hard about itwas it took him long to be ready. It just happened over night for us. When he was ready he did it and had no problems!! I had people say your son is 4 and not potty trained! Thats ridiculous!! You should NEVER force a child to potty train. If you do, you will have more problems in the end! Just try to relax and let him do it on his own time! He will get there! A potty chart and lots of positive reinforcement will help in the process!! Good Luck!

[3rdchild]

One more thing,
If you having a problem with nighttime accidents.  I would master the daytime potty training first.  If he's potty trained through the night that's great.  
I guess there's always a small chance it could be something medically wrong although if he's using the potty most of the time, I'm sure he's fine.  You could always call your pediatrician for advice if nothing seems to help you.  They might actually be able to tell you a way or something to feed him that may help "regulate" his movements.
Just my input...

[3rdchild]

My situation was very different than yours considering my child has special needs.  He was finally totally potty trained during the day by the time he was about 5.  It was not easy.
Your doing the right thing by giving rewards when he uses the potty.  Is there anything special that he really would like?  Give him a goal....if you go poopy and peepy on the potty for a week with NO accidents then you will get this special prize.  My son worked for floam.  It's this sticky stuff like play doh.  He got one container of floam every few days or week that he went straight on the potty, mostly poopy was the problem.
I'm not saying you have to go out and buy your child a new computer or something....just something a little special.  I had a bag full of little toys...(from like Oriental Trading Co.) and that worked for like only a few times.  He saw what was in the bag and it was no longer anything exciting.

One more thing....
It might sound weird....
When he goes on the potty...Congratulate him and give him praises.  Let him know you are proud of him and that he's a big boy...etc..(We used to get very excited when my son used the potty...they love the excitement.)  Like I said, I'm not sure that would help with a typical child although I can't see it hurting.

Good Luck!