My 7 year old pees his pants every day, multiple times a day

[darlingnerdling]

I'm at my wits end. My 7 year old boy pees his pants (small amounts) every single day, multiple times a day. When I ask him why, he says things like, "I was too lazy.", or "I didn't want to stop doing (whatever it was he was doing)." I've taken him to a pediatric urologist, back when he was 4 and still doing this. They said he would just have to outgrow it. I've now taken him to our family practitioner and had him checked out for UTI's. He did have trace amounts of blood in his urine- but tested negative for an infection. The only explanation I can think of for that is that he does try to hold his urine all day long, and pees his pants in order to let off just enough pressure, so he doesn't have to go to the bathroom.
        I've tried talking it out with him, letting him know that we love him and won't be mad at all if he asks to go to the bathroom, telling him repeatedly that he is a big boy now and too old to do this. Last year, I started a calendar where we marked dry days and wet days, and had rewards for staying dry for a week, and bigger rewards for staying dry for an entire month. He earned his reward for staying dry for a month last year, so I KNOW he can do it! He's now relapsed, after more talks, and trying to get to the bottom of WHY he does this- and him REPEATEDLY telling me that he CAN feel it, that he CHOOSES to ignore it- I've tried taking away privileges for wet days, and taking away his favorite toys for wetting. I'm now at a complete loss as to what to do, and this week I have started giving him 2 spanks for being wet when I check him at the end of the day. I hate doing this, and one would think that he is seeking negative attention- but he dreads his punishments. I remind him to go potty all day long, and when I ask him when it was that he wet his pants, he can tell me exactly when he did it, and it is always when he is engaged in an activity he doesn't want to stop in order to go to the bathroom. This tells me he CAN feel it. For the longest time I thought he couldn't, but i just can't find any evidence to back that theory up! He's now 7 years old, wets all day long, and still needs a pull-up at night. I won't even bother tackling THAT problem, till we can get the daytime enuresis underhand. Please help!

[Lone_wolf091]

My little brother did the same thing for a while after our dad was killed in Iraq. While yes it's a diffrent situation he didn't start wetting because of stress his was just pure defiance for his situation. He was 100% dry during day and night but still opted to wear goodnites just in case he had to go. Since was (and still is) deathly afraid of the dark our dad let him keep his pullups incase he had to pee he didn't have sit there and cry untill he either peed his sheets or someone to come get him he'd just wet or poop (happened a few times when he was sick with the runs) his pullup and go back to sleep. Well after our dad died that left him an orphan as his mom died of cancer when he was 3. So he came with me and my mom two months before his 8th birthday. US being somewhat poor mom cut him off of his pullups and it made him mad so to get back at her he just stopped going to the bathroom all together and wet and messed in his underwear and bed. My mom doesn't know him that well to her he's just a problem child ward of the state, but I know my brother well the pullups were to him what a teddy bear or baby blanket was to other kids, peace of mind at night. He Knew he didn't need them but he wanted to wear them as a stability item all his friends knew he wore diapers at night his grades were streight A's he had no issues. The way I fixed it was I sat him down and talked to him. I bought him diapers to start with until he promised to stop pooping then he graduated back to goodnites but i limited him he had times it was OK to wear and go to the bathroom in his pullups others he had to wear big boy underwear. What you have to realise is a child's mind is difficult to control and comprehend you threaten them (while it my not be a threat his mind sees it that way) they are helpless but they will lash out any way they can and boys especially tend to lean tword going to the bathroom in their pants because as boys the smell dosent bother them and their junk is more sensitive to texture and temp than a girl so sometimes they enjoy the feel of wet pants.also boys think down there it's the first thing to turn ice cold and the first place to sweat. When I was little I used to use my urine to control the tempature if it was a hot summer night I'd take my pullup off and pee on the sheets and sleep in the cool wet spot or during day id pee my pants on the play ground to cool off, in winter when it was cold I'd wear pullups and wet them the first opportunity I got because so long as I didn't pull it down and just wet some more when it got cooler the pullup would stay warm and keep me warm. There are alot of instances why a boy would wet just sit down and talk to him calm. Ask him why and if there is anything you could do to help him stop. Occasionally it could be the start of a fetish (hard thought to swallow at his young age) that's about where my brothers started. he had pullups as a kid never used them was forced out of them and it triggered a relapse in his mind now he craved them and all actions associated with them when he got them back he obsessed over them before I helped him talk through his obsession and got it down to a manageable and control able action. He is now 14 and wears pullups at home when it is appropriate. He does chores to earn more pullups he gets 1 pack a week to wet at his leisure I'll get him a couple extra packs for his birthday and Christmas (only kid I have ever seen to get real excited unwrapping a pack of diapers at Christmas). if your son wants to wet tell him it's ok but make him take resposabillity. You do have to realise you may tell him something but HE AS AN INDIVIDUAL FREE WILLED CHILD has ultimate control over him self and his actions if he wants to and enjoys peeing himself he is going to do it the most you can do is step back and support him he will either grow out of it or define himself around it but it is his life not yours you will be suprided what a small bit of understanding, freedom, and love will do tell him you love hi, give him a hug and tell him he is free to wet his pants if he wants to but he needs to wash them and if he wants diapers he can do chores for them. And set days you both agree on for him to be dry with no diaper and you will find a bit of free will goes a long way.

[darlingnerdling]

Unfortunately- I've tried this before and all it did was increase the problem. He would wet in even larger amounts and elected to never use the bathroom unless forced. That- and I just can't afford it. I can't barely swing the Goodnights for the nighttime wetting. And he's already in an XL, and they don't make them bigger than that. If this continues, I'll have to start putting him in ADULT size diapers.

[AnnieBrooke]

I wouldn't punish, it might ease your frustration but it is not going to train him, it will just make him more anxious and make him feel more out of control.  Please put him into pullups all the time without any further punitive consequences or even much comment, (embarrassment around other kids might be a bigger motivation for him than avoiding a spanking), and see a children's therapist for other ideas on positive ways to motivate him.