Please help me, I beg of you!

[lleeoo66]

I am going to condense this as much as possible.

I am 16 years old, older brother to an 11 year old name Nicholas. During his infancy/toddler stage of life, he was attached to his mother (also mine). When my brother was about 4 she passed away from a sever asthma attack right in front of him. We then moved to my fathers mothers house who around the same time had a stroke and a heart attack. She was pronounced completely disabled and unable to walk. She lost control of her whole lower body. My father was taking care of me, my younger brother and my grandma. He couldn't take the stress in his life so he resorted his stress towards drugs (heroin to be exact). He was a constant user and got up to the point where he was spending around 60-100 dollars a day just on heroin. After my grandmother passed away from natural causes, he cracked and couldn't take it anymore. He used more and more, and stopped being the dedicated and hard working father he was. When I was 13 and Nicholas was 7, we got taken away from our homes and a good friend took us in temporarily untill my dad went through rehab. My dad could't go to rehab willingly, as he was too far into his addiction. Long story short, my dads sister (my aunt) screwed my dad over with my grandmas house money and he was broke, literally nothing. He passed away from an overdose shortly after that.

Now, me and my brother are living with my 22 year old sister, who has severe mental problems due to a traumatic childhood, similar to ours. Now, to the real problem. Several psychiatrists diagnosed him with severe ADHD and oppositional defiance. He simply cannot function with other children and has a lot of emotions going through him constantly, causing him to break at any moment. His attacks include biting, scratching, screaming, cursing, etc... Just recently, the good friend of the family that took us in a while back gave up on him and refuses to speak with him anymore, due to his behavior. She has a son with cerebal pausy and Nicholas has had several aggressive situations with him regarding his life. He also showed signs of sexual activity towards her younger daughter and showed aggression towards their pet dog. He is now more alone then ever.

We have him in a special behavioral school with about 13 kids in his class and after school there is a program we get for free due to our financial situation that keeps him untill for a few more hours.

Today, he was unlike any other nicholas. He started cursing telling us to go "you know what" ourselves. He started banging and we asked him to stop and he refused. He started screaming and we tried to reason with him but he just kept saying "cool" after every word we said. He would randomly start bursting out into crying episodes, as well as severe laughing episodes. As we left the room he said "If I were you guys, I would stay awake tonight."

I just dont know what to do anymore. As a brother, I cannot do anything for him anymore and I just want this to go away and for us to be happy. I cannot deal with this any longer, it is physically and mentally wearing me apart and my sister is on the brink of suicide. The only thing keeping her from not committing suicide is the idea of us losing another loved one.

Please, send this to someone who may help us, or help us any way you can, please, I cannot live like this. I need to get help for my brother, even if I have to die trying.

[specialmom]

Hi.  I too am very sorry for this situation and commend you for trying so hard.  the thing is, you are 16.  At this point, the state needs to help with his care and agree with Mark Lakewood that a residential treatment center is best.  your sister at 22 is also not equipped to handle this.  The state can not ask YOU , a minor yourself to take on this task of your brother's needs.  It's not about affording it, he needs adequate caregivers.  You need to involve social services.  While it seems hard to think of separating from him I am sure, you and your sister can not provide what he ultimately needs.  You need to leave that to professionals and also understand that at your tender age, you can not care for a child like this.  You just can't no matter how much you want to.  

The state will need to make arrangements for him.  You need to turn this over.  Your sister needs to say she can't care for him (and she really can not give him what he needs it sounds like and probably not you either) and then the state will do more.  take that step as it is for his good.  good luck

[lleeoo66]

thank you for your response, I appreciate it, but we have tried SEVERAL therapists. We have also tried social services and they have thrown even more highly trained therapists at us. They have even supplied us with clothes, shoes, bed sets, beds, a computer, so many things. Residential treatment isnt an option in our area and outside of our area, the costs are WAY too much. We cannot afford it. He also has been medicated for several years and even was on 10mg adderall at one point. These options we have taken has got us nowhere, we are simply, lost.

[MarkLakewood3367]

I am so sorry for the situation your family is in.  If you brother is basically out of control at home, given his emotional issues, he probably would make a fine candidate for a residential treatment facility until he is able to better manage his emotions and behavior.  To facilitate this process, you might want to speak to his MD, his school counselor/social worker, or his mental health therapist assuming that he has own.  Medicaid should be able to pay for this care.  

If residential treatment isn't an option and your brother isn't receiving outpatient mental health therapy, he needs to be.  This could be facilitated by contact the same folks.  Again, Medicaid should be able to cover this cost.  However, by your description, it sounds as if your brother requires more than outpatient therapy services.

I wish your family the best of success and please remember - Suicide is never the answer!