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I am breaking down!
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I am breaking down!

I have 3 kids, 13, 9 and 7, girl, boy, girl. My oldest two are from a previous relationship and do not have contact with their biological father. My husband married me when they were 1 and 5 so he is the only father they have ever known. There are quite a bit of problems that I'm not going into right now, but one. The youngest, the girl I had after being married and who has had both parents and a brother and sister and grandparents is evil! Lol I do not understand what to do with her seriously. Last night I ended up pinning her down to the floor and trying to make her apologize for calling me names and throwing a temper tantrum. This did not work either. She is so strong willed and defiant and it's like she loves to fight and never gives up and NOTHING is ever her fault! My middle child, the only boy has ADHD and takes medication, but he does not act out the way she is. My 13 year old, a teenager, can be difficult, but not to this degree. At school, all my kids behave better than at home, and my youngest, the very best! I am beginning to want to take the oldest two and leave my youngest with her father because they get along pretty well. I work full time, am educated and handle conflicts at work with professionalism but I don't even want to be home anymore. I also attend church and have a strong love for the things of God, but I feel like I can't take this anymore. Somebody please tell me what to do, I don't know anymore and am breaking down.
Tags: Discipline, tantrums, blended families
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8 Comments Post a Comment
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535822_tn?1389452880
It could be she is learning the fighting behavior, I don't think pinning down a 7 year old and trying to make her apologise is the answer,for calling you names  .Why is she behaving like this there is usually a reason so it may be a good idea to look into the family dynamics .How does she get on with the older children are they kind or do they do battle aswell you say the 13 year old can' be difficult .Taking privilege's away always seems to work quite well , when she does something disruptive remove TV and PC for a day or two, something she likes doing.Do not get into a fight with her, walk away from the confrontation .  It is possible you could use some family counseling help , good luck
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13167_tn?1327197724
I agree with Margy,  and think you should find a behavioral therapist to come to your home and make suggestions.  

She behaves well at school,  does okay with Dad,  and the two of you butt heads terribly.  It may be that you have the same personality and so you clash,  it may be she's trying to drive a wedge in your marriage,  it's hard to tell.

It's just so hard to picture home life reading a short post on the internet.  

I'm also focused on your statement that "there are quite a bit of problems that I won't go into now",  that you want to isolate this one behavioral problem.  Usually,  though,  you DO have to consider the whole - you can't usually just say there are lots of problems going on in our family,  how can I make this one child not be defiant in that setting?  

Best wishes.
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1006035_tn?1391310794
You pinned down a 7 year old? Why on earth did you think this would help the situation AT ALL?! That's mean. How would you like it if someone bigger than you pinned you down? If she gets along better with her dad then I would let her live her. Why not ask her what she wants? It would probably also help if BOTH of you were to see a therapist.
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1791150_tn?1330132972
hi there

have you spoken to your husband about the way you feel??
does he know you are considering leaving him alone to cope with this child?

you need to have a family meeting where you all sit down and make some new family rules that everybody has to follow to make it work .

agree with margypops that computers and wii games going out and parties can be used as barganing tools for good behaviour and doing as told .

things like no tv until bedroom is tidy works well

everyone should have chores and no pocket money  unless they are done

she may be doing it for attention seeking . maybe she feels you don't love her.

just make sure you find time to spend alone with each of your children . I suppose you are tired when you come home from work but even just walking together to the shop or taking a dog out for a walk so you can have time alone with her to chat and to let her know you love her .
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1791150_tn?1330132972
I have three children too so I know it can be hard at times but you will get through it don't give up!!! mine are 16 14 and 12 and all boys
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