Is my 4 year old son CRAZY and destroying our family

[lois1972]

Dear MEDHELP,

I am desperate and we overwhelmed.  We need help.  We have a four year old son whose uncontrollable rages, inpredictability, rigidity and hostility is killing my marriage and my other two, normal, well adjusted, sweet kids.  My son is a miserable, miserable child.  He wakes up crying, he pushes away all food at meal time.  He is an insufferable human being.  He seems to hate life and ends and begins the day this way.  We are a happy, well liked family - we don't not know where or how he became this way.  

He may fly into a rage over the way his toast is cut, a certain juice, a shirt.  i.e.. If it is time to read a book and shut the tv off.  My other two may say, "Oh mom, a few more minutes please."  And when they realize no is no, they will do as I say.  The other one has no fear, there is no amount of normal discipline in the world to break him; timeouts, spanks, no spanks, speaking, etc., that he cares about or comprehends.  I read books about putting them in timeouts. He will not stay in a timeout.  He bites, hisses, spits, growls - and we had to get a skeleton key to lock the door.  I am broken inside.  I feel horrific doing this and would pass poor judgement on any other mother I had heard would do so, prior to having our son.  When he gets upset, his legs involuntary shake and bounce and it is so sad to watch.  He gets himself so upset, his nervous system goes haywire.  

His rages last for 50 minutes.  He screams so loud and with such craziness, it sounds like his toenails are being pulled out one by one.  

We are so worried for him, his future, his happiness - He feels bad inside.  I know he does.  We don't know what we can do to help.  Child psyche said possibly ODD/ADD (hyperfocus cannot transition) Another thought Tourette's and we also spent a fortune sending him for an OT evaluation.  They did find Sensory Disorder issues were prevelant.

At this point, we're involving the town and the two reports, but what really are my options.  Will we be tortured our entire lives by this behavior.  Will we feel awful that we all chose to leave our son home to go on vacation because we don't know if he'll throw an insane fit of rage on the plane for no apparent reason....

There is some history of mental illness in my family - but nothing as extraordinary as this.  

I am so afraid he has bipolar.  So deely afraid the way he triggers us to respond as parents, which is enraged, overwhelmed and so disgusted, will further hurt his self esteem.  

The trick to this, and you'll be shocked, is he is very well-behaved at school.  So, I have a Jeckyll and Hyde situation.
So - everyone thinks we're crazy.  My family didn't see it so much either, until we spent the summer together and they caught a glimpse of what we go thru and felt horribly for us.  

What medicines are out there?  What is this, a mood disorder, a sensory intergration. Please help me.  What can we do?  Medication, therapy anything new?  Any information you can give?  

[JamieKratky]

What book did you read that you are referring to, I would really like to purchase and read it. My daughter has SPD and it has been an awful year!

Thank you so much!

Jamie

[specialmom]

So, to reiterate, if you read through the posts and didn't get caught up on one thing I said, you'd see that I indeed have lived through this situation and have come out on the other side.  Years later, things are going well.  I hope that ends up being the case for you as well.  

[specialmom]

Actually I'm a mom that has been there myself.  My own son has a developmental delay and we've been through some challenging times.  you missed the point of my advice that is from 2009, I might add.  I had great anxiety and mourning over how I thought things would be with my son.  It seems strange now to say it but it was a dark period for me and I had come out of it by the time I read that post.  I regret the time I spent in that state.  My post was about that.  And in terms of short sighted, I'm not so sure.  My son is now 11 years old and we've navigated through the storm and he is doing terrific---  straight A student, well behaved, active in various activities from a year round competitive swim team, to playing basketball, baseball, scouts, is in the band playing trumpet and is in chorus.  He has friends and a full life.  My strategies worked and I can only wish the same success for other parents that have a challenging situation.  I probably have more empathy than most because I know what it is like.  my heart has been broken open and in pieces over what my son has had to go through.  What we've had to do to get him to where he is at.  But that is life.  And in the end, it has all been worth it.  

My son with challenges has a younger brother.  They are the best of friends.  

Good luck to you

[michele788]

pls share the name of the book?

[Sandman2]

   Just in case specialmom does not see your post- she now is the CL for the sensory integration site (among others).  If you post here she will definitely see your post and I know she will respond.  http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Sensory-Integration-Disorder-SID/show/1396
    And I will add that her son is doing much, much better!

[Cpygott]

I am curious to hear if you have learned anything over the time since you have posted this blog and now.  I have a 10 year old who fits the description you gave of your son.  While my son had ear infections and has never had strep, he has always had strep in his system.  We tested the fluid that came out from a blown ear drum and it was positive with strep, we did stool samples for digestive issues a couple of years ago and it was positive with strep.  Strep was going through the classroom and Michael had no symptoms, I had him tested, he was positive.  Keep in mind, he has never actually had an active strep infection like you or I would have with sore throat and all that.  We are looking into P.A.N.D.A.S.  You are right, at school, he is just great-he holds it all in and completely falls apart at every turn when he gets home.  Others cannot see or believe what we go through at home, it is so very hard.  It is very common for kids to hold it together in public only to fall apart at home, my doctor said.  It has nothing to do with my parenting, so sorry for the hurtful posts that made comment to that with you.  I understand.  I hope you see this and post back even though it has been a few years.