8 year old boy with bad temper and pooing in his pants

[juddie180]

Our son is age 8 and he has a bad temper.
He kicks,spits,bites and smashs up our home.
He is a very shy kid and people outside who have not seen it would not believe it.
He just screams and throws him self around till he is shattered and then he curls up and crys,which breaks my heart.
He is truly sorry after he has calmed down,and just wants a cuddle and keeps apologizing.
We have tryed  approaching his behaviuor in different ways but were not sure whats the best way th deal with this.
He screams that he wish he was dead,and that he hates us.
Recently in one of his rages he grabed a kitchen knife and was holding towards his tummy while screaming "I wish i was dead",Then he threw the knife across the floor.
Thankfully nobody got hurt.
Other times he has ran out the front door and up the road and refuses to come home.
We noticed his temper getting worse around 2 years ago and at about the same time he started pooing in his pants.
Which he swears he can not control and breaks down crying when we find out he has done it.
Now he hides his under wear and trys to sneak off to clean him self up hoping we dont find out.
Again we have tryed approaching this in different ways.
I have talked to him about it and i believe that he is right and can not control it but he begs me not to take him to the doctors about it because he is embarrassed.
I know he has accidents at school because the state of his underwear.
But i also know that the teachers have never seen his temper, because they tell me how well behaved he is and such a polite boy.
He is a lovely boy,he likes cuddles still at age 8 and plays with toys for hours .We adore him but we also worry about him.
Are his temper tantrums and the messing him self linked in any way and what should we do.?

[Natta1980]

I agree with the comment of not beleiving all the psychobabble...

Thing is, they want him to be succesfull, that is all. So what if they overanalyze. They are trying to help. I adopt a tactic of not being defensive - ever - support what they do, you can discuss if you do not agree. I e-mail with the teachers daily and always ask what I can do at home to help. Its is very much appreciated.

I love professionals who when they start on your "case" say "you know your son the best" because it is a good sign:)

That is, some professionals are so fond of talking and insist on giving me all the information that they happen to retain in their brain during med school, however, information that is not particularly relevant to the subject (my son's behaviors).

Find the one who listens....And does not resort to drugs first thing

[ryans mum]

Hiya again,

One word of advice from personal experience. You really need to get professional help because your son is clearly suffering. However, be cautious and be ready for your life to be picked apart. I was told to shut up and listen and to cooperate with the professionals or else I risked my child being taken away. I was told that I was a bad parent - that was my failure as a parent and my neglect of him in the early years of his development was the root cause of all his problems.
You need to advocate hard for your son if you are to get him the help he needs. You are also going to have to have a thick skin and don't start believe all the psychobabble. Parents are such an easy target.

Good luck

[ryans mum]

Hiya,

We have had similar problems with our son. The soiling is called encopresis and there are a few websites you could look at for detailed explanation. You may find some of the information and advice helpful.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/baldwin4.html http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/encopresis.html
http://www.autism-help.org/behavior-soiling-encopresis.htm http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2008/01/03/encopresis-and-childhood-disorders/

My son was told at 6 that he had a predisposition to constipation. This had led to impacted bowel. So we flushed him out and now control his problems by ensuring he gets plenty to drink avoid constipating foods and give him medication every day (only senokot nothing powerful).

He is now 8 and although the problem has almost entirely gone away it hasn't gone. We are now reviewing the diagnosis because Ryan does have behaviour problems too and this leads us to think he may be autistic. It is autism awareness week next week I will be listening. The notion wasn't something I was particularly receptive to 2 years ago.

I hope this helps.

[Natta1980]

I would consult with psychologist.