Is this normal sexual behavior for a 7 yr old boy? Touching...

Question

My oldest son is 7. I'm wondering about his sexual behavior and if it's within normal means for a little guy of his age. He has two older sisters (11 & 8) and one younger (5). He also has a little brother whose 2. Since he's my first son he usually has me miffed by his sometimes off beat behavior. I know it normal for him to be curious about his body and his sisters. What I'm not sure of is if the things he's doing are okay and normal.. I've caught him with his little sister once where he had made her take off her undies while he did the same. He was erect and asking her to touch it. I came in time to stop the "play". My 5 year old was distraught over the situation and told me her brother made her take her undies off...she let me know he didn't touch her, & she didn't want to touch him. Coming from a sexually abusive background myself I was beside myself with anger at the situation. I tried my best to remain calm, but my son definatly knew I upset with his actions. We had a good, calm talk and I did the explaining of why this isn't okay and all. I thought he got it. Then yesterday while my son's where in the bath together playing I stepped out of sight from my son, but could see them in the mirror. My older son started foundling my 2 year old son and then sat back and tried to get my 2 year old to do the same to him..my older son was erect. I quickly got him out of the tub and made him leave the room...trying again to contain myself (inside I was BOILING!) My husband was home but was at a loss with the situation...He let it up to me to handle. Once calm I asked my son why he was doing that...no answer. I  how it wouldn't be okay for his dad to do this to him..and how it's not okay for him to do this to his brother. He said okay and I gave him a hug to reassuring him that I wasn't angry at him. My husband doesn't remember being this sexual at this age and doing thing along this line. Are my son's actions just normal growing up curiousities? He also very fond of touching himself..I've let him know this needs to be done in private. Any advice would be great. Thanks!

SkyBlue1011 · Answer

I don't think it is normal at all. I didn't realize my private area was for anything but urinating until around age 11 when I hit puberty. I didn't even look at that area until I was required to. At that time I began masturbating when I realized how that area felt when something rubbed against it. I think masturbating happens normally and we don't even know exactly what we're doing. It just feels good. The fact that he's trying these things on your other children raises a red flag for me. Someone just may be doing these things to him because even at 11 when I started masturbating, I never knew about sex and everything else that came along with it. I never knew it involved someone else until I was molsted and exposed to those type of things. Thank God it didn't affect me to the point where the victim became the inflictor but from what I've read, studies show that children do to other children what someone is doing to them or exposing them to. Best wishes!

A_human · Answer

Hi, I know this was written eight years ago, but may we have an update if you are still active? I am only fourteen and fortunately do not have to worry about these situations for awhile. This story, however, has really intrigued me and I would like to know if you found a solution. Hope all is going well!

pinrut · Answer

Just want to say I'm 44 so pre porn everywhere, started bating at maybe 5. Not a thought of doing anything with another person. I'm male, have two older brothers, joked about my erection, nothing more. I believe children that young probably imitate, they may have seen sexual film or picture. Or of course been subjected to sexual acts. Question is, if it stems from porn, what can you do? I'd say, just keep it honest, inform, don't shame, and forbid what would be illegal if they were adult. It will never be easy, it will never be as it was thirty years ago. Don't feel utterly bad, you didn't make this world, you can only do your best and it will fall short of your ideal. Best of luck.

Lil_Girl_Lost · Answer

I was abused and that is how my grandma figured it out. You&#39;re not overreacting. It could be innocent but sure sounds like grooming. Get her in counseling and or have child n family svcs evaluate her. Better safe than sorry

SillyOlBilly · Answer

Don't bathe or shower your children together. Try to keep them from seeing others naked.

HumbleDad · Answer

My 7 year old son was letting my 3 year old daughter touch his genitals I'm just wondering what will be the best way to handle this situation? I'm aware that it is normal in certain ways just need to know the correct way to deal with this situation!!

worriedgrandma513 · Answer

I don't know how old this is, or if you are still following this, but I have a 5 year old (step) grandson who has been touching my 3year old son. We ussually have our grandson on the weekends and have never had a problem until last week. I also babysit, so I have a thing on the door that won't allow the kiddos to close the door, so the door was open, and we had company over the first time we "caught" them. They were not touching each other, just themselves, but my son told me that our grandson touched his pee pee and later told me that he had kissed it too. I kept very calm and talked to both boys about good and bad touch and how we need to keep our private parts private and all that jazz. I even managed to convince my husband and step daughter that this was pretty normal behavior, and we needed to be very careful in how we handled it bc neither of them are old enough to really know better. So we kept our grandson this weekend as planned but stuck to tthe rule that the boys could not be alone. This was harder than you would think and on two occasions they were alone for less than 2 minutes and in that short amount of time our grandson was directing our son to touch his private parts. So, now after calming the "storm" that could have happened last week, which I am still glad I did, I am a little conserned. I am less worried about my son, bc he is 3 and I believe he IS just naturally curious, and as long as we can keep this from becoming a "normal" behavior to him, I think we are fine. What conserns me is that my grandson had to have been waiting for and almost planning the encounters that took place this weekend which is very disturbing to me. I was just curious what your thoughts were on this.

worriedgrandma513 · Answer

I don't know how old this is, or if you are still following this, but I have a 5 year old (step) grandson who has been touching my 3year old son. We ussually have our grandson on the weekends and have never had a problem until last week. I also babysit, so I have a thing on the door that won't allow the kiddos to close the door, so the door was open, and we had company over the first time we "caught" them. They were not touching each other, just themselves, but my son told me that our grandson touched his pee pee and later told me that he had kissed it too. I kept very calm and talked to both boys about good and bad touch and how we need to keep our private parts private and all that jazz. I even managed to convince my husband and step daughter that this was pretty normal behavior, and we needed to be very careful in how we handled it bc neither of them are old enough to really know better. So we kept our grandson this weekend as planned but stuck to tthe rule that the boys could not be alone. This was harder than you would think and on two occasions they were alone for less than 2 minutes and in that short amount of time our grandson was directing our son to touch his private parts. So, now after calming the "storm" that could have happened last week, which I am still glad I did, I am a little conserned. I am less worried about my son, bc he is 3 and I believe he IS just naturally curious, and as long as we can keep this from becoming a "normal" behavior to him, I think we are fine. What conserns me is that my grandson had to have been waiting for and almost planning the encounters that took place this weekend which is very disturbing to me. I was just curious what your thoughts were on this.

justafriend56 · Answer

I will say this is normal, looking back on my own childhood. I will say this, your anger about it will not help, and that being naive about it will make matters worse. I say this cause when I was a child i got both sides of it, one my mother was naive thinking that children at 5yrs old don't get sexual arousal or sexual thoughts. and I got the anger, the guilt and shame too. Masturbate was "SECRET", my brother teased me about and my step-father was angry when I "acted out" by touching a girl at school inappropriately.

So, I was given many mixed signals about this issue. So When I was C ought "PLAYING" I feared being in trouble so I would say things like "they made me do it." When I would act out it was always a Secret, so it was always done in a hiding place away from adults. I did end-up at five having sex with the neighbor girl who was 6yrs. That's way I stress don't be naive. It is am important part of parenting and childhood development for parents take an active role in all areas of a child's development.

I look back and realize that if my parents took a more active role my curiosity may not have lead my to sexually acting out at such a young age. 

Today Children know more about sex then in resent years. Television and movies play a big role. I believe i had not be exposed to the playboy channel at the age of four I would have not been so curious about the sex issue. 

Though sexual awareness starts very young as to seeing the differences between boys and girls, a child seeing adults french kiss will arouse curiosity. where a child will want to do it too. So the rule would not be to shield your children from "Adult like Contact" such as kissing and touching but rather to "Censor" what they watch and they read. you cant always be there when one of their friends shows them a "dirty book" but you can guide them in making the right choices which i know will not always happen.

Talk about it openly, teach them modesty but not shame. your role in their sexual development starts at birth. Be available for them, bring the subject up, they may be ashamed to. Let them know it is health and natural. explain that its not BAD, but little kids don't need to do that. And that you will answer any questions they have. No rule can really be given you are the parent.

One last bit of information. It may not be the case with your child, but you never know. your child may have had a sexual experience with another child not necessarily with an older child.  If that be the case, then your child will have various behavioral changes. if you suspect this is the case counseling is advised, but above all you should open a channel of communication with your child that they feel they can talk to you about anything no matter what the subject.

Peach1978 · Answer

Exasperated

I have a son who will be turning six years old soon and for the past two years (approxiamately) he has been fascinated with genitals both male and female but mostly female body parts. On several occasions he has tried to lift up little girl's dresses and touch their vaginas. I have caught him looking up my towel after getting out of the shower and he has also grabbed his step-brothers' penis'. All this even after I have tried to talk to him about respecting other peoples' bodies. It started out wit his sisters and has now gone to his step-siblings and babysitter's 21 month old daughter. 

I have tried to discuss this with him in an understanding and calm way. After so many months I began to get upset with him and scolded him - I've even resorted to shaming finally after two years because I just don't know what else to do. 

I am struggling with the idea that this may be just a phase or that this a long term trait since it has been about two years and we keep trying to entrench the same message of respect over and over again.

crazymom_1 · Answer

just browsing through the internet foud your post, trying to find out what to do about mine, yes I gave him a long talk after I freaked out on him, for the same reasons that you did, and the fact that besides him I have 3 daughters that no matter how much I love him I will not let him hurt. Yes child curiosity is there, but tell me why my little girl has been acting and feeling uncomfortable whe she goes potty whe me or my husband have to clean her up?. Avery close friend of my family who has watched them, told me the same thing the other day, I didnt put 2 and 2 together util last night, we have recently moved to a new house and my 3 year old girl has been having troule sleeping in her room so I thought it was sweet she was going to my sons room to sleep in the middle of the night until last night I heard her squeel and ran back there and there was my child with his hand in her diaper, I really dont know what to do or how to treat him, I look at him and all I think is what I saw, he kows better I swera I've had this conversation with my children at least a hundred times, I dont get it, what am I doing so wrong?. I dont want this behavior of his to continue, and I cant just single him out from the family but I just dont want him around my daughters, Im very angry at him right now so for now he is grounded to his room, i really dont kow how to deal with this.

Liquid4444 · Answer

I believe it is normal for a young boy to have so much curiousity, especially when there are many siblings. When he is with his siblings, he needs to be watched, especially when bathing in a group. Or, just cut out the group bathing. You are correct, touching and playing with himself should be done in private. There should be clear punishment for playing with himself in public. But not for playing with himself!