Kindergarten and the Principle

[MassageMom02]

I have a five year old almost six in October and he started kindergarten last week, the first day of school went well and so were the next two days. Then this past Monday he was telling his teacher no and biting other students so off to the principle he went, Tuesday I get a phone call right when school is suppose to start that he had hit another student while on the playground before school, so I was asked to come talk with my son and the principle.  Today I pick him up and in his notes from the teacher she tells me that he pinched another student.......... I'm at my wits end with his acting out he's never been this constant with acting out.  I've taken away the electronics he sits in a time out till he tells me why he did what he did I re-enforce that hitting and touching and talking back are all wrong, What else can I do to get through to him the severity of his actions and the school will suspend him if he keeps up......... Feeling defeated

[Sandman2]

   Oh, I was going to add that Rockroses idea of going to school and watching him is an excellent idea!   You really need more info.  Is all the hitting being done on the playground?  You said, I think, that he is consistently not listening or sitting still.  While this is kind of common for a 5 year old.  It sounds like he is much worse then the other kids in the room?  Do you notice him having this problem at home?  Another reason to check out the classroom is to make sure that the teacher is not unusually strict.  A good kindergarten teacher never has the kids in one spot very long.  They are always moving around. Especially at the start of the year.
    And as I asked earlier - does he have any older brothers or sisters?  I am trying to figure out if this is a learned response of if there is something else going on.

[Sandman2]

   Um, there is a big difference between copying sentences and writing sentences.  I think Marks idea would be a good one for an older child.   But as you said, your son has said he doesn't know why he is hitting.
   The standards for behavioral modification for your kids is pretty easy.  Be immediate and be constant.   Doing something once he comes home (at this age) as you have found out is not usually successful.  In fact, as a retired principal, I normally feel it is the schools responsibility to deal with the situation because of the immediacy of the action.
   What you can do is to work on and practice with him alternatives to hitting.  There are some great books that are aimed at kids of this age.
   "Hands are not for Hitting"    http://www.amazon.com/Hands-Hitting-Ages-Best-Behavior/dp/1575420775
     "Cool down and work through Anger"   http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Through-Anger-Learning-Along%C2%AE/dp/1575423464/ref=pd_sim_b_2?ie=UTF8&refRID=0B4W643Q6ZMYXQHH5G6B
       And others listed on this Amazon site.   These are meant to be read to him and then practiced again and again.    They also help to develop a common vocabulary that he and his teacher can use.
      Hope this helps.

[MarkLakewood3367]

I have an alternative to sentence writing that you might be interested in.  It is called 'Report Writing'.  I find this technique to be much more effective than writing sentences primarily because it has the child take responsibility for their behavior without all the meaningless writing.  If he can write sentences, he should be able to write a report.

The report consists of 4 questions he must answer.  You decide how many sentences he must write per question.  You can add questions that are pertinent to the situation.  Finally, in order for the discipline to end, the report must be logical, clearly written, and neat.  

Even though this is a one-page report, this discipline can be difficult for kids to accomplish because they MUST take responsibility for their behavior.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1TB1BumnL1V1jSlhU-PmnoxizSGWycsiffzCsQ0symPg/edit?usp=sharing

[MassageMom02]

No he's never been this constant in acting out , and again a return trip to the principle and can't go to school till Monday. And I ask him why he hit he says he doesn't know and knows that it's bad to hit.  So I've changed how we discipline because previous methods were going no where, if he has an issue at school like hitting he comes home and does sentences saying " I will not hit" and he says it as he writes it to not only write words but learn them as well, and he sits there writing the three pages worth, his teacher and I write notes on what transpired through the day and is constant not listening or sitting still on the carpet or in a chair so I don't know what to do now we have charts so he can see the good days and work towards a prize by acting better but we will go two days with just listening issues and then a bad day where he hits somebody ................

[RockRose]

You need to find out his motivations for hurting other kids.  Is he aggressing against weaker kids for no clear apparent reason,  or is this his way of defending himself against kids who are at advantage and he feels helpless?  

I'm curious about "he's never been this constant with acting out".  So in general,  these behaviors aren't really new you're just surprised to see them so often?

[rockland45]

It's definitely tricky dealing with behavior that happens at school, since you can't always be totally sure what's going on when you're not around. So, with this in mind, maybe it would be a good idea to go in and observe his classroom for a day or two and just get an idea of when he's acting out and what's leading up to it. Sometimes that can make a huge difference in knowing how to handle it. I've also read that you can work with the teacher/school to establish a prearranged set of consequences at home for misbehavior at school-using a chart or something like that.  But then you can get daily or weekly reports and this may help keep your son accountable and expect that if he acts out at school, there will be consequences waiting for him at home. Of course, the importance being to be consistent about it. So, just a couple thoughts to consider. Hope they help!