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Marriage to woman w/ Bipolor Child
I want to marry a gal that has a son that has been diagnosed with Bipolor Disorder. I am just learning about this disorder and the long term ramifications are frightening.
The child is generally well behaved at school and with other adults but when he is with his mom, his outburst and behavior changes dramatically. I think that she coddles him far to much and he plays her like a fiddle.
I asked her to marry me last year and moved her and her children into my home. Home used to be a sanctuary, but now it is dreaded place. I feel that I have little or no peace and that I have no control over my environment.
As a man, I feel that when a man takes a wife (and kids), he must make them the most important thing in his life. Marrying a woman with a child with this kind of disorder requires a superhuman commitment, yet I do not feel as though her commitment is to the marriage as much as her sons special needs.
I am going to try to find support groups but if anyone has any useful sugguestions, I am listening.
The child is generally well behaved at school and with other adults but when he is with his mom, his outburst and behavior changes dramatically. I think that she coddles him far to much and he plays her like a fiddle.
I asked her to marry me last year and moved her and her children into my home. Home used to be a sanctuary, but now it is dreaded place. I feel that I have little or no peace and that I have no control over my environment.
As a man, I feel that when a man takes a wife (and kids), he must make them the most important thing in his life. Marrying a woman with a child with this kind of disorder requires a superhuman commitment, yet I do not feel as though her commitment is to the marriage as much as her sons special needs.
I am going to try to find support groups but if anyone has any useful sugguestions, I am listening.
Not sure when your wedding date was/is ... but if you love this woman, dont let her go !!!! I'm a mother of a 13 yr old boy who is ODD, IED, & bipolar. YES, it's very stressful (thats why I'm on this forum). I was a single mother for several years. I 'warned' my husband (before we married) about my son's behaviors ... and asked him if he was sure he could deal with it. He said he could ... and we have been married for almost 5 yrs. Our house if very stressful most days ...but my husband is right there with me. I couldnt ask for a more caring & loving husband !! I'm so happy that he married me, and took on the step-father role to my son. My son doesnt appreciate it, of course. He doesnt show appreciation for anything.
You said that this would be a superhuman commitment. Yes, it is ... but for you to even write this post shows me that you ARE willing to make the commitment. You just need support & encouragement from others. All parents (& step-parents) do who have children with disorders. And as for her showing more commitment to her son than to you ... that will change. If you show that you love her & support her ... she will change. I always thought that no man would come between me & my son. But my bond is actually stronger with my husband now. I still love my son very much... but things have changed as my son has gotten more violent & aggressive.
I noticed her son only acted out for her ... not at school or in public. Be very thankful !!!! It could be worse !!! My son acts out everywhere (school, stores, resturants, in the car, even church). He's had 10 referrals so far this school year. He's on probation, and in court ordered anger management.
Coming from a mom with a troubled kid ... I can just say that your fiance definately needs the loving support from you every day. You may not make headway with her child, and you may be considered the 'devil' by her child (my son called my husband that last week).... but she still needs your support & encouragement. He may actually show more aggression, because he might think you are taking her attention off of him. But on the other hand, having a father figure might make him straighten up. Never know. It's such a relief to me that I can just hug my husband when I'm over stressed !!! I know now that I dont have to go through this alone anymore.
Your home life may not be peaceful ... but it will be full of love, if you let it be. That's how my home is.
You said that this would be a superhuman commitment. Yes, it is ... but for you to even write this post shows me that you ARE willing to make the commitment. You just need support & encouragement from others. All parents (& step-parents) do who have children with disorders. And as for her showing more commitment to her son than to you ... that will change. If you show that you love her & support her ... she will change. I always thought that no man would come between me & my son. But my bond is actually stronger with my husband now. I still love my son very much... but things have changed as my son has gotten more violent & aggressive.
I noticed her son only acted out for her ... not at school or in public. Be very thankful !!!! It could be worse !!! My son acts out everywhere (school, stores, resturants, in the car, even church). He's had 10 referrals so far this school year. He's on probation, and in court ordered anger management.
Coming from a mom with a troubled kid ... I can just say that your fiance definately needs the loving support from you every day. You may not make headway with her child, and you may be considered the 'devil' by her child (my son called my husband that last week).... but she still needs your support & encouragement. He may actually show more aggression, because he might think you are taking her attention off of him. But on the other hand, having a father figure might make him straighten up. Never know. It's such a relief to me that I can just hug my husband when I'm over stressed !!! I know now that I dont have to go through this alone anymore.
Your home life may not be peaceful ... but it will be full of love, if you let it be. That's how my home is.
I have BPD I was in denial about it for a long time and it made my life a lot harder. First I would like to start off with We are very confusing people to be around at times constantly pushing and pulling the ones we love back and forth. It has been proven that those with BPD are some of the wisest artistic people for instance Pres. Lincoln had BPD he never gave up after losing so many times.I am giving u this knowledge because once I understood it I wasnt imbarressed any more and once I saw how it helped sooooo many other people and in a way formed them to be who they were Iam now proud of my disorder and when people say she's crazy I just give them the knowledge behind it. what Im getting at here is if you love her don't give up he is playing her like a fiddle we are master manipulaters I get what I want 95% of the time because I know what to do and how to do it not allways the best thing u know maybe he is embarressed also and feeling abandoned we are very teritorial alsowe dont say it ut we show it.
Here is a way to break it down real Quick all of are emotions are multiplied by 1000 we feel pain soooo much more people think we are being over dramatic but that is how we truely feel if we are happy we are on a pink cloud of happiness soo when he is showing these emotions dont blam his disorder but in away understand alot of it is his disorder I know I have a hard time verblizing my feelings I just have actions but I cant give an explination 4 them
There are alot of books out there my favorite is NEW HOPE FOR PEOPLE WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER it is written by 2 docters and people with bipolar so it covers all spectrums ther is a chapter for families of people with bipolar I think that may be helpful to u also and everyone else in the home even him when I hear someone is bipolar I recomend this book and say read it when your manic it will help calm u instead of going out or cleaning just lay in bed and read it helps the time pass much faster when all of your days are running together
There are also groups for families and meetings for them where they can sit down and talk to people in there community with the same issues this book has all of that 411 also so goodluck and hang in there ~k~
Here is a way to break it down real Quick all of are emotions are multiplied by 1000 we feel pain soooo much more people think we are being over dramatic but that is how we truely feel if we are happy we are on a pink cloud of happiness soo when he is showing these emotions dont blam his disorder but in away understand alot of it is his disorder I know I have a hard time verblizing my feelings I just have actions but I cant give an explination 4 them
There are alot of books out there my favorite is NEW HOPE FOR PEOPLE WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER it is written by 2 docters and people with bipolar so it covers all spectrums ther is a chapter for families of people with bipolar I think that may be helpful to u also and everyone else in the home even him when I hear someone is bipolar I recomend this book and say read it when your manic it will help calm u instead of going out or cleaning just lay in bed and read it helps the time pass much faster when all of your days are running together
There are also groups for families and meetings for them where they can sit down and talk to people in there community with the same issues this book has all of that 411 also so goodluck and hang in there ~k~
Bipolar and ODD are very serious disorders and very hard ones to deal with. I have a daughter who is now 23 who is bi polar and I have been through the ringer with this child! She is single and now has a son that is 3.5 and he is showing the signs of ODD now. I am going through the same things with this child that I went through with her. But these childern take their anger out on mostly the mother. I believe if you can get outside help(something that isn't always easy), you will do fine as a family. Good luck...
Tybear,
Rhetorical Question:
A question asked merely for effect with no answer expected. The answer may be obvious or immediately provided by the questioner.
http://grammar.about.com/od/rs/g/rhetquesterm.htm
Rhetorical Question:
A question asked merely for effect with no answer expected. The answer may be obvious or immediately provided by the questioner.
http://grammar.about.com/od/rs/g/rhetquesterm.htm
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