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My 4 year old son doesn't respect me
I have a 4 year old son who is very hyper and doesn't sit still. He's always running or jumping around even when we go to the store. He likes jumping on his bed and I have to yell at him to stop for fear of him falling off and hurting himself, but he won't listen to me and laughs in my face when I yell at him or he will repeat what I say and laugh and it just makes my blood boil that he doesn't respect me at all. I get mad and hit him and then feel bad afterwards but it's just that he makes me so mad cause I'm a single mom and the only parent who's really in his life who does everything for him and this is how he repays me by behaving bad! His father only sees him one day a week and has nothing else to do with him outside of that but yet he behaves really good around him. Not fair! I know that I should try other methods like taking toys away and not letting him watch TV but we are renting a room in someone's house and don't want him throwing a fit and disturbing everyone in the house since they usually retreat to their bedrooms after dinner and stay there the rest of the night. What do I do? Help! Being a single mom to such a difficult child is rough!
I was a single mom to my son from his birth to age four, and he was...and still is...a high energy, hyper child. But it really does seem more intense for you when you are dealing with their behavior on your own. Believe me, I understand--they wear you down and continue to push your buttons, and by the time you're burnt out, they're getting away with what they shouldn't be, and at that point it's easy to snap (yelling, spanking) or just give up. I do not miss being a single mom...it's rough!
The main advice I can offer isn't much different from what's already been given. It's extremely important that you maintain control as the parent, both over your child and yourself. The more high strung and nerve-wracked you get, the easier it is for him to push you while you'll be unable to effectively discipline him. As you know firsthand, it just ends up a power struggle and a shouting match.
If you're concerned about the roommates, I think you should tell them that you're going to be working with your son over the next few days or weeks on more effective discipline, and it may be a rough start, but if you stay consistent with it, trust me...it will not be long before it gets better. Right now, nothing is changing, but if you make the effort to change, it may be a rough start, but things WILL change, and that's the goal. I'm sure your roommates will understand, and as someone mentioned, his tantrums and your yelling back and forth can't be any worse, right?
Be sure he has time during the day to really burn off energy somehow--go to a park or get him involved in something that requires a lot of physical activity, like soccer or martial arts. Also make sure he gets at least some part of the day that is "special time" with you, where you take time to play together and do something he enjoys doing. My son really enjoys board games, and even though he usually doesn't have an attention span long enough to sit still through it or re-make the rules somehow, it's time he gets with me that is "his time," where I'm not distracted with anything else.
For discipline, make a list of rules and a sticker chart or some other type of reward system. Let him know the rules, for example, no jumping on the bed. Tell him if he jumps on the bed, he gets a warning first, then time out or loses a priviledge such as TV or a toy. The most important part of this is that you follow through--give him the warning and if he continues, you don't have to speak to him--no yelling--just take him by the arm and put him in time out.
Focus as much as you can on the positive and set goals for him with the behavior reward system. When my son was four, we had the marble jar. If he obeyed all warnings and behaved pleasantly all day, he'd earn a marble in the jar. Earning a certain amount of marbles determined how great the reward was. One marble meant he got an extra 10 minutes before bedtime, for example, two would earn him an extra 30 minute TV show, three would earn a special treat, and so on...I think I had it up to 10 marbles and he had a choice of a shopping trip for a $5 toy or a Happy Meal. He would lose marbles if he misbehaved and was disrespectful. It was difficult to earn marbles and easy to lose them, but the system worked well for us. There are probably lots of different ideas for motivational and positive reinforcement reward systems for kids if you google it.
Discipline has to be consistent and have expectations and boundaries. Every consequence can be expected by all involved, all boundaries are known, nothing is uncontrolled, responses to misbehavior should be immediate and have follow-through, and there should be a positive reinforcement reward system to keep motiviation.
The main advice I can offer isn't much different from what's already been given. It's extremely important that you maintain control as the parent, both over your child and yourself. The more high strung and nerve-wracked you get, the easier it is for him to push you while you'll be unable to effectively discipline him. As you know firsthand, it just ends up a power struggle and a shouting match.
If you're concerned about the roommates, I think you should tell them that you're going to be working with your son over the next few days or weeks on more effective discipline, and it may be a rough start, but if you stay consistent with it, trust me...it will not be long before it gets better. Right now, nothing is changing, but if you make the effort to change, it may be a rough start, but things WILL change, and that's the goal. I'm sure your roommates will understand, and as someone mentioned, his tantrums and your yelling back and forth can't be any worse, right?
Be sure he has time during the day to really burn off energy somehow--go to a park or get him involved in something that requires a lot of physical activity, like soccer or martial arts. Also make sure he gets at least some part of the day that is "special time" with you, where you take time to play together and do something he enjoys doing. My son really enjoys board games, and even though he usually doesn't have an attention span long enough to sit still through it or re-make the rules somehow, it's time he gets with me that is "his time," where I'm not distracted with anything else.
For discipline, make a list of rules and a sticker chart or some other type of reward system. Let him know the rules, for example, no jumping on the bed. Tell him if he jumps on the bed, he gets a warning first, then time out or loses a priviledge such as TV or a toy. The most important part of this is that you follow through--give him the warning and if he continues, you don't have to speak to him--no yelling--just take him by the arm and put him in time out.
Focus as much as you can on the positive and set goals for him with the behavior reward system. When my son was four, we had the marble jar. If he obeyed all warnings and behaved pleasantly all day, he'd earn a marble in the jar. Earning a certain amount of marbles determined how great the reward was. One marble meant he got an extra 10 minutes before bedtime, for example, two would earn him an extra 30 minute TV show, three would earn a special treat, and so on...I think I had it up to 10 marbles and he had a choice of a shopping trip for a $5 toy or a Happy Meal. He would lose marbles if he misbehaved and was disrespectful. It was difficult to earn marbles and easy to lose them, but the system worked well for us. There are probably lots of different ideas for motivational and positive reinforcement reward systems for kids if you google it.
Discipline has to be consistent and have expectations and boundaries. Every consequence can be expected by all involved, all boundaries are known, nothing is uncontrolled, responses to misbehavior should be immediate and have follow-through, and there should be a positive reinforcement reward system to keep motiviation.
My son is almost 3 and can get pretty crazy too. I have found that time outs help when he is not listening. It helps him realize that he can not get away with what he is doing and it helps me calm down if he has gotten me upset. If you need to take toys away or taking away tv, I would do it. Your relationship with your son is very important and I am sure if you explain to your room mates what is going on they will understand. I mean his fits can't be any worse than you yelling back and forth with him right? I agree with the others too that you should try and get him out to play to burn up some of that energy he has. =) Good luck girl!
Great feedback from the other posters I would concur with what they advocate ...good luck
1. Stop yelling.
2. Stop punishing.
3. If he screams ignore him. Play deaf.
4. Children his age are very active. Take him outside and let him run around. Don't sit him in front of a TV.
5. He misbehaves to get a rise out of you - and succeeds.
2. Stop punishing.
3. If he screams ignore him. Play deaf.
4. Children his age are very active. Take him outside and let him run around. Don't sit him in front of a TV.
5. He misbehaves to get a rise out of you - and succeeds.
I know what this is..and im a mother and grandmother..you said your renting a room from someone..I did that before and you know what..kids need there own space..your in limited space..there is only so much he can do..the same way you go crazy in that room that your renting he is venting the same thing in a different way..he is 4 just being a child dont get mad at him he is part of you..I have a son that use to see his father..but he leave like an angel and come back like the devil..he would tell him dont listen to me instead of helping...so i hope you and your sons father come to an agreement on his behavior..I noticed when my kid acted out I know they wanted their own space and not be limited to one room..get your own place..believe me he will respect you and have the freedom to express his self...
As main care givers of three strong willed boys, I can empathize with you. It is frustrating.
1) Take a deep breath and let it out slowly and remind yourself he is a child and he is 4.
2) yelling never works
3) Take him gently but firmly and set him down, get down in front of him and look him in the eye. If he screams, set him in the corner and explain to the room mates that what is going on.
4) If you can do something physically fun with him during the day, so that he can get out his energy, do it, take him to the noisiest place you can find and tell him to scream his little heart out. A place where he can throw rocks and sticks and not hurt any one , any thing or himself. It really works for my wild child. It may work for you.
5) Chamomile tea> for you.
1) Take a deep breath and let it out slowly and remind yourself he is a child and he is 4.
2) yelling never works
3) Take him gently but firmly and set him down, get down in front of him and look him in the eye. If he screams, set him in the corner and explain to the room mates that what is going on.
4) If you can do something physically fun with him during the day, so that he can get out his energy, do it, take him to the noisiest place you can find and tell him to scream his little heart out. A place where he can throw rocks and sticks and not hurt any one , any thing or himself. It really works for my wild child. It may work for you.
5) Chamomile tea> for you.
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