My 5 year old has told me he has been abused. How do I know he is telling the truth?

[Jo1992]

My child told his grandparents last night that my step dad has abused him by touching his privates and sticking his finger were he shouldn't. I could never imagine my step dad doing this but obviously I want to get to the bottom of this. He loves my step dad and always wants to see him so how can I find out the absolute truth before telling my mother. I've told my child it's not his fault and telling people was the right thing to do, but he also said he had told my mum but couldn't remember what she had said which is why I have slight doubt as my mum would have done something and told me. My child is only 5 and i could not imagine him getting this idea from anywhere. Obviously if he is telling the truth the police will be called asap. I've only found out about this today and I'm sickened by the thought of it. I just want to know how I can find out if he is lying

[Nighthawk61]

how did you find out it was a lie? did you son say he was making it up?

how did you deal with it? (the lie)

[KSP13]

I work with sexually and physically abused children. Kids please contact your local child advocacy center. Kids sometimes say they are lying just because they feel vulnerable after tell a secret they have kept for a long time. It is not your job to find out if your child is lying. Your job is to love and support your child. Let the professionals do the investigation.

It is critical for an abuse child to have the support of their parents. A forensic interview is the best way to get to the bottom of what is going on. If your
Child was abuse, the CAC has services to help. If your child is in fact lying about being abused, that is also something that needs to be address and the CAC can help with that too. If you need help finding these services please let me know.

[greaterbilby]

I agree, get professional intervention as abusers always shift the blame and manipulate their victims.  Please believe him and get help now.  
Be aware that your father-in-law may be abusing other children he comes into contact with as well.  
An example of this is my finding out my eldest brother sexually abused and/or raped all 5 of my brothers and none of them knew that this had happened to any of the others.  I found this out through my own child being abused at the educational setting he was attending, and then my being upset about it and talking to one of my brothers and him telling me what had happened to him, and then my having a feeling he wasn't the only one who'd been abused and asking the others who shockingly and traumatically confirmed my suspicions.   I believe I had these suspicions because even though I, a female, wasn't abused by him in any way in my conscious memory, I had for many years experienced  a strange memory of being anally raped at an age that feels like I was a young toddler age , so I have a feeling that I did not totally escape the elder brother's abuse.  That brother denies my other brothers' abuse.  I have not confronted him about my possible experience because I have no memory of a face or appearance of the abuser because it happened to me in darkness ... I remember the physical pain and fear and confusion.  I believe I was too young to tell anyone.  
Your son has told you ... please believe him.

[Jesseliomar]

Sorry suspect is supposed to be the last word.

[Jesseliomar]

I had somewhat of the same experience when I was 4 going on 5 and that person was family as well and when that said person got a hint that I was saying something he manipulated me to think at first that I wanted or asked for it and later on a de me believe it was a lie and nothing had happened. I'm not sure how you found it was a lie but if it was just him changing his mind I'd get some cameras installed secretly or get child services to look in to it, and keep in mind it's usually the person you would least auspe

[PathologicalScientist]

I would recommend contacting some social services in either case, as they have trained professionals to deal with this kind of situations. I am not implying that it really happened, but that it is the only way to make sure what is going on. Children are incredibly suggestible - can be easily influenced to tell untrue stories and just as easily influenced to tell that a true story was just a lie (them seeing you being upset might be enough for that). For that reason, when there is something this important going on, I would suggest contacting a professional in the field.

Also, when it comes to this type of situations, the more you speak about the possible incident with your child before any professionals/trained authorities have the chance to do so, the less weight your child's experience will have in court or with the police, as the risk of even creating false memories is so huge with children. I would strongly recommend contacting either child protective services to ask for advice or contacting the police - not to prosecute anyone, but to deal with this situation appropriately. If nothing actually happened, it will be merely a very weird experience for your child to go through random interviews - but if something has happened, not reacting is a huge risk that can affect your child severely.

[Nighthawk61]

what did he say when he said it.? did you find out where he heard this from, to copy?

[Jo1992]

Turns out it was a lie