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My 50 year girl friend still allows her 17 year old to sleep with her???
Hello
I have fallen in love with my girlfriend (50) who has 2 teen boys living with her...
The adjustment to having me as a part of their lives has been interesting.
Her boys have accepted me on the surface but when i am not there the youngest (17) says he would like it if I did not stay over night........
In the beginning, I admit I did stay over night more than go home, it was the only way we could be together as she will not leave her boys alone in the house. That's another story!
I do all that I can, emotionally, finacially and just being there for her and her boys. She says she loves me, wants to marry me in the future and for now, we are taking our time in hopes that our love be the bond that brings us together permanetly. Rarely, I am able to spend the night there when her boys are out for the night....
I have no problem with this and I accept this out of respect for the bond my girlfriend has with her boys...
Now the problem.....
Her youngest 17, can't sleep alone! He always wants either his brother to lay in bed with him or his Mom.....and uses excuses of not being able to sleep or not feelign well to get his Mom to sleep in his bed with him.... She is a deep sleeper and sometimes the youngest, crawls into her bed when she is asleep.
Am I wrong to say to her that she needs to stop doing this or allowing this to continue?...
I love her but this issue makes my stomach ache.......
She does go to therapy, her Pyschologist (according to her) says there is nothing wrong with this?... YIKES!
This being true............The first time this happened, she left my bed to go to his room and lay by his side ....The therapist hasn't heard her son kissing his Mom as she sleeps and the way he hugs her dring the day... This made me sick to my stomach and I had to leave the house.....
She says there is nothing worng with this and he will grow out of it.....I feel she enables the problem....??
I have fallen in love with my girlfriend (50) who has 2 teen boys living with her...
The adjustment to having me as a part of their lives has been interesting.
Her boys have accepted me on the surface but when i am not there the youngest (17) says he would like it if I did not stay over night........
In the beginning, I admit I did stay over night more than go home, it was the only way we could be together as she will not leave her boys alone in the house. That's another story!
I do all that I can, emotionally, finacially and just being there for her and her boys. She says she loves me, wants to marry me in the future and for now, we are taking our time in hopes that our love be the bond that brings us together permanetly. Rarely, I am able to spend the night there when her boys are out for the night....
I have no problem with this and I accept this out of respect for the bond my girlfriend has with her boys...
Now the problem.....
Her youngest 17, can't sleep alone! He always wants either his brother to lay in bed with him or his Mom.....and uses excuses of not being able to sleep or not feelign well to get his Mom to sleep in his bed with him.... She is a deep sleeper and sometimes the youngest, crawls into her bed when she is asleep.
Am I wrong to say to her that she needs to stop doing this or allowing this to continue?...
I love her but this issue makes my stomach ache.......
She does go to therapy, her Pyschologist (according to her) says there is nothing wrong with this?... YIKES!
This being true............The first time this happened, she left my bed to go to his room and lay by his side ....The therapist hasn't heard her son kissing his Mom as she sleeps and the way he hugs her dring the day... This made me sick to my stomach and I had to leave the house.....
She says there is nothing worng with this and he will grow out of it.....I feel she enables the problem....??
Yes, I have asked many questions..... and yes..... both teens have emotional issues.....
The older one is very agressive, breaks and damages anything around him when you speak to him about anything personal or he is caught in a white lie... the younger is very possesive over his Mom...He tells me when his om is not around....he can say and do anything he wants and he talks about his Mom like she is a piece of property...
Yes I know I have my hands full but his Mom is finally seeing the light.....My love for her and the patience I have always had all my life..... works for now......Time will tell....
If there is any information out there that anyone can refer me to regarding the affects of allowing teens in the bedroom and how it inhibit emotional growth.... I would appreciate any direction..... His has agreed to read what I find and I pray, that she will see the benefits to separating this tie a little....
Thank you....
The older one is very agressive, breaks and damages anything around him when you speak to him about anything personal or he is caught in a white lie... the younger is very possesive over his Mom...He tells me when his om is not around....he can say and do anything he wants and he talks about his Mom like she is a piece of property...
Yes I know I have my hands full but his Mom is finally seeing the light.....My love for her and the patience I have always had all my life..... works for now......Time will tell....
If there is any information out there that anyone can refer me to regarding the affects of allowing teens in the bedroom and how it inhibit emotional growth.... I would appreciate any direction..... His has agreed to read what I find and I pray, that she will see the benefits to separating this tie a little....
Thank you....
HI,
First I have to say that you must be patient and understanding to not have ran out the door when you first learned of this! If I were you, I would get many opinions. I would seek out a therapist yourself and get their opinion. Even if you never go back, almost all insurances pay for therapy and you could get a professional opinion. I Know you love her, and you have to think maybe she's not telling you the truth about what the therapist said. Dig deeper into that discussion. I think you should ask for more details. Did the therapist say the teenager may have some emotional issues? Did he/she say the mother/son bond will gradually lessen as he gets older? I have never heard of a 17-year old sleeping with his mother. I am not judging, b/c it's very likely that he has emotional issues, but I have simply never heard of this!
Is the boy that sleeps with your gf social? Does he have friends? Participate in academics? Maybe you should try to get him into sports. If he is constantly at home with his mother, he might feel like he is playing the role of husband and that he needs to fulfill her or his own emotional needs. As crazy as that sounds, if she has been a single mother for most of this child's life, he must be very used to him being the male in the house. Is the father involved? How does he treat you? Respect you? Have you asked friends about this? I think if she wants to marry you, there has to be compromise. She has to understand how you're feeling, just as much as you are expected to understand her. Relationships are give and take. If she's only taking your understanding and not giving any, maybe she's not the right woman for you.
Another suggestion; maybe the boy could go the therapy with her. Maybe the therapist would be able to see something he/she might have missed with only having the mother's information to go on.
Good luck with this situation! I think everything will work out for you; you did the right thing by seeking out opinions before making any decisions. Take care!
~Kathy
First I have to say that you must be patient and understanding to not have ran out the door when you first learned of this! If I were you, I would get many opinions. I would seek out a therapist yourself and get their opinion. Even if you never go back, almost all insurances pay for therapy and you could get a professional opinion. I Know you love her, and you have to think maybe she's not telling you the truth about what the therapist said. Dig deeper into that discussion. I think you should ask for more details. Did the therapist say the teenager may have some emotional issues? Did he/she say the mother/son bond will gradually lessen as he gets older? I have never heard of a 17-year old sleeping with his mother. I am not judging, b/c it's very likely that he has emotional issues, but I have simply never heard of this!
Is the boy that sleeps with your gf social? Does he have friends? Participate in academics? Maybe you should try to get him into sports. If he is constantly at home with his mother, he might feel like he is playing the role of husband and that he needs to fulfill her or his own emotional needs. As crazy as that sounds, if she has been a single mother for most of this child's life, he must be very used to him being the male in the house. Is the father involved? How does he treat you? Respect you? Have you asked friends about this? I think if she wants to marry you, there has to be compromise. She has to understand how you're feeling, just as much as you are expected to understand her. Relationships are give and take. If she's only taking your understanding and not giving any, maybe she's not the right woman for you.
Another suggestion; maybe the boy could go the therapy with her. Maybe the therapist would be able to see something he/she might have missed with only having the mother's information to go on.
Good luck with this situation! I think everything will work out for you; you did the right thing by seeking out opinions before making any decisions. Take care!
~Kathy
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