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Avatar universal

My 8 year old son said he had a bad thought I was dead and he was happy

My 8 year old son woke up yesterday morning and said that he had a very bad thought about me.  I asked him what it was and he said he didn't want to tell me because I would get mad.  I told him I wouldn't get mad.  He said while crying that he woke up with a bad thought that I was dead and he was happy about it.  He said, please don't get mad at me.  I held him and hugged him and told him that they were just bad thoughts and not to pay attention to them and to say a prayer and they will go away.  This is the 2nd time in a year or so he has told me something like this.  He is a very good boy and does very well in school - 100's on most tests.  He does worry alot about little things and I have made him realized that everything works out and not to worry and to leave the worries up to mommy and daddy and that we will take care of everything.  The day before he told me about this thought, he was hugging me every hour.  My older son went through this too and he has grown out of it as he is 16 now.  Do I really need to take him to the Pediatrician?  It will only make these thoughts stand out more in his head.  We had to put his dog down for kidney failure 3 weeks ago.  Does this have anything to do with it?  Why me?  Why doesn't he think this of his father or someone else not that that would make me feel better...but why me?  Family and friends say my boys are such wonderful kids.  I treat them with so much love, care and attention.  Is he mad at me for something else?  I have put him in an after school program a month ago because I have to work late 5:00 and sometimes he dwells on what time every day I pick him up.  He definitely does worry alot.  I don't know what to make of this...After he said this to me....I am broken and I hurt so bad.  Please help
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Avatar universal
Thanks, I will try to find one.  But, I must say, getting this out in this discussion board made me feel a little better.  He has been very attentive and very clingy with me today as he was trying to say in his own way that he feels bad about yesterday.  God be with him and our family.  
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134578 tn?1693250592
See a family counselor (not you and him, just you) and lay it all out, including how hurt you are, and see what the counselor suggests to do about his general anxiety.
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Avatar universal
I have to correct myself because I really want people's opinions about this.  The reason why I told you about the 100's is because I just wanted you to know that he has no problem in school on his behavior or in grades.  I want him to only do the best he can do. I don't care if he gets a 50 or an 100...as long as he tries.  I e think I did not mention or maybe I didnt is that he panics alot with changes.  His father has OCD.  Him saying this to me...does it have anything to do with hiM being nervous about things...etc.  I've told him so many times to relax about what he worries about and that everything always turns out for the best.  He worries about little things...like a friend not being at a class anymore...or what he is going to do on his day off...etc...This is very strange that he woke up with this thought.  I just don't get it and I don't want to bring more light on it with him.  I want him to forget he had that thought...but I can't forget and it hurts
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134578 tn?1693250592
I agree with RockRose's comments.  It might be helpful for you to talk this over with a family counselor (you, yourself, not with your son present) and to go over how he seems to feel in general about the pressures of life and how you are raising him.  There is such a thing as a parent being too relaxed or lasseiz-faire, but it sounds like you might be on the opposite end of that spectrum in some way that is making your son anxious.  Possibly a good counselor could help you figure this out so you have some clues when addressing your son.  It is not necessary for an 8-year-old to get all 100s, it is better for him to have a happy life without a lot of worry.  He will have plenty of time later to be anxious about performance, why not give him a childhood free of care?
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13167 tn?1327194124
An 8 year old should have a little better filter on his thoughts than that.  It sounds like although he loves you very much,  he has real resentment.  And he's very conflicted and feels bad about that.  The fact that he had those thoughts is one thing - but the fact that he purposely told you he'd be happy if you died is very telling - he's trying to tell you loud and clear that he resents you.

He wouldn't,  literally,  be happy if you died.  I know you know that - if you died,  he'd be lost an grieving for a very long time.  God help the motherless child.

But there is something in his life that he feels would be better if he could get some relief from you,  and maybe it's him,  not you.  Does he make all these 100's,  and behave really well because he's afraid of losing your approval?  If you were out of the picture maybe he feels like he could relax and not try to be perfect?

So I think you need to ask him that.  Tell him you know he loves you,  and he wouldn't really be happy if you died,  but if you were to leave for a month on a vacation how would he think his life would be better?  Hard question to ask but I think you need to hear it,  and I bet it's so he can misbehave a little and not be ashamed.

Best wishes.  I can sense you're a really good mom.
Helpful - 0
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